(no subject)
Oct. 25th, 2004 07:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzThis weekend I 'set myself up' to really be productive. I did nothing, drank nothing, was just rarin to go and work as I know next weekend is when I want to play. Nothing got done - the gray sponge is saturated.
Sunday I took my dad to brunch for his b-day with his wife. Eggs benedict and I'm happy. Sick, but happy.
I was realizing that work was not happening. 2 naps later I was debating whether I should just drop the dream of getting my paper refined when Kelowna called talking about movies. Well knock my ass over with a feather. My last movie choice was a DISASTER so I quickly acquiesced to I <3 Huckabees. My god, that movie was just fucking wonderful. I was so mad when it was over that I tried to get her to sit through the credits - the movie was more a slice than a beginning and ending. It was just the right mix of smart, dumb, silly, thoughtful, and...god it was just what I needed. Perhaps I should have slugged away at work more, but I'm realizing at a certain point while I might be able to make myself study, I don't actually get any work done no matter how long I bang my head on the wall.
I got home, hit bed...and realized I wasn't tired anymore. I got up just long enough to piss off my mom in email before just lying in bed feeling overwhelmed.
I'm a really shitty listener right now. My life is 100% work, internet politics, and the study of law. While on some levels this is intellectually stimulating, I am primarily interested in social interaction. I've noticed I have to tear myself away from any conversation no matter how unimportant it might otherwise be. It's annoying - and I can honestly feel how tense the muscles in my neck and shoulders are. I definitely need a break - the constant work and isolation are taking a toll.
Bound? I'm going to that? Good god, what I want to give up the standards I've developed? It sounded cute for a while, but the constant flow of desperately lonely/horny male posts bouncing across their yahoogroups make me kinda ill. Nothing makes you hot like the sight of guys begging for it. Marketing sex and females...what good could possibly come out of there? Haven't I moved beyond the whole idea that sex is what you pursue and if something comes of that then great? How many times does it take to prove that wrong? Isn't bound just another drink, a hollow feeling with no substance even if I just leave it at the club? They don't make condoms thick enough to make idiocy safe, and no amount of alcohol makes idiots interesting to me.
People obsess over pets. I love animals, but that interaction isn't any more real than a drunk fuck. The rules are simple and few. You move a certain way and the animals reacts a certain way. People that replace their unfulfilled social needs with animals are just sad - it's a cat. If you die, it will rub up against the ankles of the men to come to cart off your corpse when the neighbors complain about the smell. Dogs are more likely to run to a stranger than their owner for the sheer novelty. It's a valuable life, but it's an animal. You follow the rules and you get behavior, but if you can fill in your need for love with that then you really need to analyze what your needs are.
My Halloween is turning into a ritual I don't like every year. I have great plans, based on clubs and not people. Not parties, events. I start to think about costumes, and slowly everything sounds absurd. I already dress in costumes every day, Halloween should be a break. The things I go to I could go or not go, it doesn't matter. Dressing up just adds the possibility of actually putting effort into something only to be rejected. Fuck that. If I feel like dressing I'll dress, if not bugger off. I work out - my body looks better than anyone's in those places regardless of the petty paints and wraps on the outside. How shallow - appearances...I get so annoyed by the fear of events, costumes, and the perceived pressure drives me off. I have too much work that needs doing to waste my time on something with expectations.
I opened my const assignment on-line to find a 65 page Supreme Court to plow through. Oh fuck me. My paper is missing at least 3 important cases and 2 issues to respond to with them. I was ahead for a while - but I burnt out trying to catch up.
Recognizing that is a good thing. I can make it through it fine, but I have to remember not to misattribute one feeling for another when I'm like this. I have nothing to talk about
Sunday I took my dad to brunch for his b-day with his wife. Eggs benedict and I'm happy. Sick, but happy.
I was realizing that work was not happening. 2 naps later I was debating whether I should just drop the dream of getting my paper refined when Kelowna called talking about movies. Well knock my ass over with a feather. My last movie choice was a DISASTER so I quickly acquiesced to I <3 Huckabees. My god, that movie was just fucking wonderful. I was so mad when it was over that I tried to get her to sit through the credits - the movie was more a slice than a beginning and ending. It was just the right mix of smart, dumb, silly, thoughtful, and...god it was just what I needed. Perhaps I should have slugged away at work more, but I'm realizing at a certain point while I might be able to make myself study, I don't actually get any work done no matter how long I bang my head on the wall.
I got home, hit bed...and realized I wasn't tired anymore. I got up just long enough to piss off my mom in email before just lying in bed feeling overwhelmed.
I'm a really shitty listener right now. My life is 100% work, internet politics, and the study of law. While on some levels this is intellectually stimulating, I am primarily interested in social interaction. I've noticed I have to tear myself away from any conversation no matter how unimportant it might otherwise be. It's annoying - and I can honestly feel how tense the muscles in my neck and shoulders are. I definitely need a break - the constant work and isolation are taking a toll.
Bound? I'm going to that? Good god, what I want to give up the standards I've developed? It sounded cute for a while, but the constant flow of desperately lonely/horny male posts bouncing across their yahoogroups make me kinda ill. Nothing makes you hot like the sight of guys begging for it. Marketing sex and females...what good could possibly come out of there? Haven't I moved beyond the whole idea that sex is what you pursue and if something comes of that then great? How many times does it take to prove that wrong? Isn't bound just another drink, a hollow feeling with no substance even if I just leave it at the club? They don't make condoms thick enough to make idiocy safe, and no amount of alcohol makes idiots interesting to me.
People obsess over pets. I love animals, but that interaction isn't any more real than a drunk fuck. The rules are simple and few. You move a certain way and the animals reacts a certain way. People that replace their unfulfilled social needs with animals are just sad - it's a cat. If you die, it will rub up against the ankles of the men to come to cart off your corpse when the neighbors complain about the smell. Dogs are more likely to run to a stranger than their owner for the sheer novelty. It's a valuable life, but it's an animal. You follow the rules and you get behavior, but if you can fill in your need for love with that then you really need to analyze what your needs are.
My Halloween is turning into a ritual I don't like every year. I have great plans, based on clubs and not people. Not parties, events. I start to think about costumes, and slowly everything sounds absurd. I already dress in costumes every day, Halloween should be a break. The things I go to I could go or not go, it doesn't matter. Dressing up just adds the possibility of actually putting effort into something only to be rejected. Fuck that. If I feel like dressing I'll dress, if not bugger off. I work out - my body looks better than anyone's in those places regardless of the petty paints and wraps on the outside. How shallow - appearances...I get so annoyed by the fear of events, costumes, and the perceived pressure drives me off. I have too much work that needs doing to waste my time on something with expectations.
I opened my const assignment on-line to find a 65 page Supreme Court to plow through. Oh fuck me. My paper is missing at least 3 important cases and 2 issues to respond to with them. I was ahead for a while - but I burnt out trying to catch up.
Recognizing that is a good thing. I can make it through it fine, but I have to remember not to misattribute one feeling for another when I'm like this. I have nothing to talk about
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no subject
Date: 2004-10-25 05:53 am (UTC)So go as a fratboy to a goth club.
A sexy, sexy fratboy.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-25 05:59 am (UTC)no subject
-- mike
no subject
Date: 2004-10-25 09:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-25 07:46 am (UTC)Relax
Date: 2004-10-25 07:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-25 08:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-25 09:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-25 08:33 am (UTC)I fail to see the difference with your explanation of animal-human rules or interactions and the human-human interaction I see daily. Sure, humans have a lot of social hang ups, so they may be more apt to attempt to hide their behavior out of guilt....but underneath the pantyhose & make-up, or suits and ties...we fucking ARE animals ;-) WOOF WOOF.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-25 09:07 am (UTC)