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Oct. 19th, 2004 09:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzI cannot fathom why this election is close.
Self-indulgent tripe, laser-lights, you'll bring...
Last night I realized how stoned tired I am in class, when I could not focus. Luckily the material was simple and my weekend notes were good. After class I was a good boy - I went to the gym, and started to change for my workout. Shirt, shorts, socks...no shoes. Sigh. Changed back into my street clothes as I wasn't going to work out in my black casual work shoes.
Ran into a guy from boxing who does one of the martial arts classes there, full-contact. He was trying to recruit me, and I have a mild interest but no time and they charge extra fees.
SO I went home and came up with an abs plan - I put on THE CARS, CANDY-O side one and did abs to it. I was still not sore enough so I did side 2 as well. I kinda freaked...
The album is dated 1979. I know every beat, every nuance of each song - yet still don't know the lyrics. Sho-be-do. It was alarming to me how each bit seemed to course through me. It was like I was touching my 15-year-old self, like he was waking up after a long sleep. Has it been this long since I played this well-worn groove? My life now would be so alien to everything I knew back then. Just doing abs, I pushed myself to a steady sweat, and for the first time in weeks I felt very alive. It had taken me that long to crack out of my 'discipline shell' formed over the weekend in panic-paper-mode.
I think it would be fun to DJ alphabet soup - just spin songs off my old vinyl collection. It would only be fun if I could pull the same feelings in others, their feelings and emotions, as I get. Otherwise I'm a living room DJ. My poor neighbors...she's a lot like you....the dang-er-ous type...
I had a very strong urge to drink. Very strong, and it bothered me. I felt this mood, kind of painful and happy at the same time as my mind bounced among adolescent memories - more emotional than substantive. I wanted to drink to amplify the mood. It made sense, I had worked harder, pushed the endorphins, turned up the volume - I just wanted to feel more and more. When I realized that I wanted alcohol just to amplify what I was already feeling I was a little freaked out. Ultimately I didn't drink anything - but more for the empty calories than anything else. I actually wanted to drink alone, to make a mood. That's freaky.
I almost had a moment of pride for not drinking, then I thought that through quickly. There is no pride to be taken in 'not doing something bad.' I have little if any tolerance for people whose identity is of someone with a problem. How many addicts have you met that have their entire self-esteem built upon the problems they have overcome? It's like their unusual failures are badges of pride. I suppose that's therapeutic, but for the real world you are not respectable for simply resisting temptation. It's sad you're tempted, not happy you resisted.
I will say this though - bragging and laughing about bad things you've done is a blast. My favorite cure for a hangover? Fucking - its about the only thing that makes you feel better. Going home with someone drunk on a Friday has the huge advantage of the 3-day fuck-fest...shower fuck eat fuck shower...I mean I hate to break anyone's prudish bubble, but sitting together at brunch giggling is so transparent. You're still hung over, and the pain you feel just makes you giggle and appreciate the naughtiness that much more. "I can't believe you...I can't believe we...Oh my god I'm gonna die...smiling...do you think we should have untied her before we went out?"
I have a laundry list of things I like in someone to date, though I am not dating or think that I could given my lifestyle right now. I added something new to the 'deal-killer' list: high-strung. Upset about nothing, hung up on old crises, worried what people think, pissed off about the internet, angry about traffic, can't believe he/she said that...cya. Yes, I know how silly such 'lists' are. What's funny about this trait is it is one I possess. Everything else I like in someone else is something that I share...basically I think I AM THE ONLY PERSON WORTH DATING. This is one area I'm working to outgrow, and one I don't want to put up with in someone else.
Self-indulgent tripe, laser-lights, you'll bring...
Last night I realized how stoned tired I am in class, when I could not focus. Luckily the material was simple and my weekend notes were good. After class I was a good boy - I went to the gym, and started to change for my workout. Shirt, shorts, socks...no shoes. Sigh. Changed back into my street clothes as I wasn't going to work out in my black casual work shoes.
Ran into a guy from boxing who does one of the martial arts classes there, full-contact. He was trying to recruit me, and I have a mild interest but no time and they charge extra fees.
SO I went home and came up with an abs plan - I put on THE CARS, CANDY-O side one and did abs to it. I was still not sore enough so I did side 2 as well. I kinda freaked...
The album is dated 1979. I know every beat, every nuance of each song - yet still don't know the lyrics. Sho-be-do. It was alarming to me how each bit seemed to course through me. It was like I was touching my 15-year-old self, like he was waking up after a long sleep. Has it been this long since I played this well-worn groove? My life now would be so alien to everything I knew back then. Just doing abs, I pushed myself to a steady sweat, and for the first time in weeks I felt very alive. It had taken me that long to crack out of my 'discipline shell' formed over the weekend in panic-paper-mode.
I think it would be fun to DJ alphabet soup - just spin songs off my old vinyl collection. It would only be fun if I could pull the same feelings in others, their feelings and emotions, as I get. Otherwise I'm a living room DJ. My poor neighbors...she's a lot like you....the dang-er-ous type...
I had a very strong urge to drink. Very strong, and it bothered me. I felt this mood, kind of painful and happy at the same time as my mind bounced among adolescent memories - more emotional than substantive. I wanted to drink to amplify the mood. It made sense, I had worked harder, pushed the endorphins, turned up the volume - I just wanted to feel more and more. When I realized that I wanted alcohol just to amplify what I was already feeling I was a little freaked out. Ultimately I didn't drink anything - but more for the empty calories than anything else. I actually wanted to drink alone, to make a mood. That's freaky.
I almost had a moment of pride for not drinking, then I thought that through quickly. There is no pride to be taken in 'not doing something bad.' I have little if any tolerance for people whose identity is of someone with a problem. How many addicts have you met that have their entire self-esteem built upon the problems they have overcome? It's like their unusual failures are badges of pride. I suppose that's therapeutic, but for the real world you are not respectable for simply resisting temptation. It's sad you're tempted, not happy you resisted.
I will say this though - bragging and laughing about bad things you've done is a blast. My favorite cure for a hangover? Fucking - its about the only thing that makes you feel better. Going home with someone drunk on a Friday has the huge advantage of the 3-day fuck-fest...shower fuck eat fuck shower...I mean I hate to break anyone's prudish bubble, but sitting together at brunch giggling is so transparent. You're still hung over, and the pain you feel just makes you giggle and appreciate the naughtiness that much more. "I can't believe you...I can't believe we...Oh my god I'm gonna die...smiling...do you think we should have untied her before we went out?"
I have a laundry list of things I like in someone to date, though I am not dating or think that I could given my lifestyle right now. I added something new to the 'deal-killer' list: high-strung. Upset about nothing, hung up on old crises, worried what people think, pissed off about the internet, angry about traffic, can't believe he/she said that...cya. Yes, I know how silly such 'lists' are. What's funny about this trait is it is one I possess. Everything else I like in someone else is something that I share...basically I think I AM THE ONLY PERSON WORTH DATING. This is one area I'm working to outgrow, and one I don't want to put up with in someone else.
