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Mar. 24th, 2004 07:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzMy god - I am surprised by how off-guard these pictures caught me. This was the pony farm my family owned near the tail end of the downward spiral (both the farm and the family). I will be visiting my sister this summer. That will be really painful as always. http://www.angelfire.com/ct/chincoteague/mistyfamily.html
Many of the sires aren't listed, or rather they're listed as 'unknown.' Most of them are known, they're just so inbred by the inbred bastards that bred them that it is an embarrassment to reveal who it is.
Yes, I have a sister, who knew. I resent my sister, though I don't know her. My sister is 3 years younger than I am. She's also 'smarter.' On those standardized tests, I was always in the top 10%. My sister would always be off the scale entirely. We weren't close, rivals more than anything else. My sister was actually more of a geek/freak than I was, and unlike me 100% comfortable to be that way. That may make her less of a freak, really. There were a few times I tried to be an older brother, mostly I was just a pain (as she was to me).
In our early years, I bombed in school while she did well. She was the good kid, I was hanging out with redneck thugs, carrying knives, smoking pot, drinking...from about 13 - 16 or so. Later she went through her idiotic stage, but rather than white trash she hung out with welfare receiving young black mothers. She started bombing school and loving soul/R&B music. Around that time I was pulling myself together, shocked as I found in the start of my senior year of high school my GPA was 1.95. I had my first real long term girlfriend, who had a great influence on me. I started to pull out of my academic slump.
Around the same time my parents split up. My mom took my sister, who was nearly unmanageable at that time, to Chincoteague. With the money from the house, they bought the pony farm (Misty family relatives and miniature falabella miniature horses). The farm was the one place she seemed to be showing some responsibility in her life. She had been a horse freak since who knows when, though she had poor experiences with real horses (they didn't do what she said).
My sister found god around the time the pony farm was started. She had a xtian boyfriend, and make some big production of burning all her R&B tapes and records. Suddenly god was everywhere, right up through the birth of her bastard daughter through Mr. God himself - who skipped town. I was not supportive - rather I had done subtle things like thrown coat hangers at her in the kitchen. My views on what to do with unplanned children were well-formed at that point in time. The next bastard child was from yet another man who skipped town - no surprise as he had skipped out on six others. Yes - my sister embraced the trailer element of Chincoteague wholeheartedly. I disowned her entirely - I didn't even know this creature. She failed out of high school after failing the 11th grade for the 3rd time. I was staying cum laude in college, while my sister was failing out of the 11th grade.
I met her gain at my father's some years ago. She had married a disabled whiny guy - he always used his disability to out of doing things like working or watching the kids, though his ailments mysteriously recovered whenever he wanted to do something. He got disability checks, though rumor has it his disability was caused by a single car drunk driving accident. I wondered if this was the attraction with the man - a steady check. She now had a kid by him. She barely sounded coherent, my brilliant sister. She had also more than tripled her body weight. I kept staring at her feet - they were huge (and dirty). There is a scene in big trouble in little china where a demon had inflated and is about to explode, his feet burst out of his boots - they looked like that. He was also a round fellow, and whiny as all hell. One nice thing about him - he would get quiet when you insulted him.
Now I look to her with fear. I'm probably getting too old to really think about kids, but a serious fear is trying to have a kid and having some of whatever sent her in her direction in the genetic pool. She has her kids, mixed with our family are these wasteland elements that should have been filtered out of humanity generations ago. I don't know them or a thing about them, but I realize that if they are to have any hope of college that I might be the only avenue. I don't know what direction she sends them in, school, god, general trailer culture, who knows.
There was a strange period where she took the kids and ran away to some sort of xtian compound. I have no idea how she afforded the trip, and the general reaction was that they were surprised at her arrival. Compounds don't take too kindly to folk that don't have assets to draw from, so she quickly 'returned' to her check-producing husband.
I don't like me around them. The material aspects of my life, the achievement type-A bullshit gets huge, some sort of defense mechanism against this loser that shares my blood and history. I must find it threatening.
So I graduated both undergrad and grad school with honors, own a home, have insane money in stocks and liquid form, work out, and generally have a measurable life. She is collecting welfare and not inspired to even get a GED. I think she was spoiled, and perhaps this is the result - learning to rely on others. Somehow I learned independence. I resent her existence - she has so much more potential than I, and I'm doing so well...if only she took any initiative she could do any of what I achieve, but instead she is miserable and complaining about how tough life is on welfare and perhaps still rambling on about god.
So I visit them with my mother this summer. It's not a vacation when family is involved.
Many of the sires aren't listed, or rather they're listed as 'unknown.' Most of them are known, they're just so inbred by the inbred bastards that bred them that it is an embarrassment to reveal who it is.
Yes, I have a sister, who knew. I resent my sister, though I don't know her. My sister is 3 years younger than I am. She's also 'smarter.' On those standardized tests, I was always in the top 10%. My sister would always be off the scale entirely. We weren't close, rivals more than anything else. My sister was actually more of a geek/freak than I was, and unlike me 100% comfortable to be that way. That may make her less of a freak, really. There were a few times I tried to be an older brother, mostly I was just a pain (as she was to me).
In our early years, I bombed in school while she did well. She was the good kid, I was hanging out with redneck thugs, carrying knives, smoking pot, drinking...from about 13 - 16 or so. Later she went through her idiotic stage, but rather than white trash she hung out with welfare receiving young black mothers. She started bombing school and loving soul/R&B music. Around that time I was pulling myself together, shocked as I found in the start of my senior year of high school my GPA was 1.95. I had my first real long term girlfriend, who had a great influence on me. I started to pull out of my academic slump.
Around the same time my parents split up. My mom took my sister, who was nearly unmanageable at that time, to Chincoteague. With the money from the house, they bought the pony farm (Misty family relatives and miniature falabella miniature horses). The farm was the one place she seemed to be showing some responsibility in her life. She had been a horse freak since who knows when, though she had poor experiences with real horses (they didn't do what she said).
My sister found god around the time the pony farm was started. She had a xtian boyfriend, and make some big production of burning all her R&B tapes and records. Suddenly god was everywhere, right up through the birth of her bastard daughter through Mr. God himself - who skipped town. I was not supportive - rather I had done subtle things like thrown coat hangers at her in the kitchen. My views on what to do with unplanned children were well-formed at that point in time. The next bastard child was from yet another man who skipped town - no surprise as he had skipped out on six others. Yes - my sister embraced the trailer element of Chincoteague wholeheartedly. I disowned her entirely - I didn't even know this creature. She failed out of high school after failing the 11th grade for the 3rd time. I was staying cum laude in college, while my sister was failing out of the 11th grade.
I met her gain at my father's some years ago. She had married a disabled whiny guy - he always used his disability to out of doing things like working or watching the kids, though his ailments mysteriously recovered whenever he wanted to do something. He got disability checks, though rumor has it his disability was caused by a single car drunk driving accident. I wondered if this was the attraction with the man - a steady check. She now had a kid by him. She barely sounded coherent, my brilliant sister. She had also more than tripled her body weight. I kept staring at her feet - they were huge (and dirty). There is a scene in big trouble in little china where a demon had inflated and is about to explode, his feet burst out of his boots - they looked like that. He was also a round fellow, and whiny as all hell. One nice thing about him - he would get quiet when you insulted him.
Now I look to her with fear. I'm probably getting too old to really think about kids, but a serious fear is trying to have a kid and having some of whatever sent her in her direction in the genetic pool. She has her kids, mixed with our family are these wasteland elements that should have been filtered out of humanity generations ago. I don't know them or a thing about them, but I realize that if they are to have any hope of college that I might be the only avenue. I don't know what direction she sends them in, school, god, general trailer culture, who knows.
There was a strange period where she took the kids and ran away to some sort of xtian compound. I have no idea how she afforded the trip, and the general reaction was that they were surprised at her arrival. Compounds don't take too kindly to folk that don't have assets to draw from, so she quickly 'returned' to her check-producing husband.
I don't like me around them. The material aspects of my life, the achievement type-A bullshit gets huge, some sort of defense mechanism against this loser that shares my blood and history. I must find it threatening.
So I graduated both undergrad and grad school with honors, own a home, have insane money in stocks and liquid form, work out, and generally have a measurable life. She is collecting welfare and not inspired to even get a GED. I think she was spoiled, and perhaps this is the result - learning to rely on others. Somehow I learned independence. I resent her existence - she has so much more potential than I, and I'm doing so well...if only she took any initiative she could do any of what I achieve, but instead she is miserable and complaining about how tough life is on welfare and perhaps still rambling on about god.
So I visit them with my mother this summer. It's not a vacation when family is involved.
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no subject
Date: 2004-03-24 05:08 am (UTC)Anything more I want to say is littered so thoroughly with things I don't want to say that I can't manage it.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-24 05:36 am (UTC)You can mail me if you wanna say horrible things. An outside view might be way off based on this really bizarre recounting of facts, but it could be helpful too.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-24 09:18 am (UTC)I can understand disappointment with her, but it feels to me as if you expect people to judge YOU about what your sister has done with her life, and that doesn't make sense to me.
Whatever she's done, I guess I believe that few people are "just" spoiled or "just" lazy. I'm wondering what's underneath or behind that.
But the thing is that those kind of questions are fine for me, because she's not my sister. If she were, I supposed I'd be angry at her...
no subject
Date: 2004-03-24 09:41 am (UTC)I don't know why she is this way, spoiled or lazy are just what I've seen. We have the same blood from the same nest, one succeeded one didn't. It's just weird.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-24 09:45 am (UTC)We have the same blood from the same nest, one succeeded one didn't.
It is weird, but it's not that unusual.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-24 11:32 am (UTC)I love my family and could live with them if I had to, but even so I only stayed with my parents 2 days on my last vacation...
Hope you have a good trip. Sounds like keeping the mouth shut is going to be about the best thing you can do to keep the peace.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-24 06:37 am (UTC)Good luck with the, uh, "vacation".
no subject
Date: 2004-03-24 06:59 am (UTC)Y'know I get along oretty wel with my family and I'll still second this comment.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-24 09:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-24 08:11 am (UTC)And now I understand a bit better why you have some of your fears, of failure, of weight gain, that seem completely unfounded when I look at you. If it's in your family, then it is, bizarrely, possible...
It was her *choice* to turn out that way though. You've not made those choices - but you also can't make hers for her, either. A damn shame, but yes, she does seem to be a complete human write-off :(
maybe though, her kids will somehow inherit her gifted genes, but be inspired to shake off her lazy behaviours and emulate their successful uncle???