CLEARED FOR TAKEOFF

(note I do not have a lot of happy icons, huh)

Visited the doc today - summarizing my very happy and exciting news so I don't waste too much lunch / paid work time:

1. No further visits prescribed unless I want them
2. I should keep in mind it's not just a recovery I'm dealing with, "I changed the mechanics of how your hip operates."
3. Running prescribed: 15 minutes, 2 minutes running with 2 minutes walking. Do not run 2 days in a row, and if I survive running without feeling pain the next day, up in 5 minute increments until I'm running 30 minutes in intervals. If I make it up to 30 minutes, then drop to 15 minutes and just run. Similarly, if I'm not sore the next day, up in 5 minute increments until I'm running 30 minutes.
4. LIFTING: allowed, suggested starting point is 50%. Also suggested is doing a 6-8 week program not based on my usual ability, but based on a programmed recovery to my former levels.
5. Note - does not currently recommend squatting beneath parallel / 90% knee. Works, I'm stiff enough I can hardly tie my goddamn shoe.

Theoretically I could be squatting 315 in 2 months. However, I'm also supposed to tone it down if I get not-good-pain.

Man who ate napoleon for breakfast happy he doesn't have to do the elliptical anymore.

Mental health - brief visit

I just took a "coping with stress and depression" webinar - not really what I was looking for, but I'm more interested in and open to mental health issues recently. I was thinking more of how I could help others - even litigants on the other side of the table, though I am more aware of my friends' problems than I used to be. Funny, I know I'm highly negative but I always seem happy (or angry, but not sad) and my anger seems...to lead to success. But it was pointed out I say a lot of negative things (no, really?)

The session was based on cognitive psychology, an area in it's infancy or unfamiliar to the college I went to when I was a psyc major. In one tiny exercise they noted how the same event can lead to very different thought patterns and associated moods based on how you react to it. I'm not sure I agreed with their examples, but I did agree that some unrealistic thought patterns would unnecessarily lead people to feeling bad.

I dunno, I don't feel sick. When I see people cutting around traffic on an exit ramp and then jamming back into traffic, I think anger is reasonable. I think lack of action from others is why they do it, others are encouraged, and the behavior gets worse. The fact they should be shot seems a universal truth. See, anger is not just healthy for me but for all.

Ok really, the unhealthy thought break is a hurdle I recently jumped without outside assistance. I noted some time ago I visited my home town, and realized it was the "source" of so many memories but nobody I knew at that time lived there, I didn't know those people anymore, and I couldn't even accurately say whether my memories were realistic portrayals of what happened. I essentially gave myself permission to let go of guilt and pain from stupid things I did more than 20 years ago. I'm considering whether I should let go of pain from 10 years ago. In any case I took a specific action - one I'm still working on, but one I've made progress with:
My problem seemed to be dwelling in the past, reliving and regretting things from 10, 15, 20 years ago. Since visiting home I've changed - when I catch myself doing that, I realize I'm doing it, remind myself it's unrealistic, remind myself to let it go, and I let go...even making an opening hand motion (or at least a middle finger - gotta start somewhere). I do feel better, and perhaps wince less, now that I admit that it's silly to be haunted by dumb things I did when I was a dumb teenager.

They also noted an association with depression and "not living in the now." Sounds goofy but I heard of the cited study before - people thinking about the far past and near future were typically unhappy. Well, I feel good looking at the near future though it is stressful (so many events and deadlines). Still, my living the past was...sad. Instead of reflecting on good things, I only dwell on negative - really horrorshow. If those lines of thought aren't producing anything, I'm foolish not to let them go - so I'm letting them go. It's not like there was even a balance - I don't think about good events in the past. So move forward.

Their site had some tests you could take to see how you're doing:
http://www.stresstips.com/lifeevents.htm
My stressor score was 144, "[Y]our score means a relatively low amount of life change and a low susceptibility (about 30% probability) to stress-related illness."

Depression and Bipolar Test: www.familyaware.org, click Tools
(no, requires downloading software)

Mental Health Screenings: www.helpyourselfhelpothers.org
(no, links to local screenings facilities and appears oriented towards people worried about how they're doing)

I guess I can appreciate my state just a little bit more. I'm open to the idea of issues and treatment, but I'm also not generally sad, listless, lack energy, miss activities I need to do or enjoy, anxious, abusing drugs or alcohol...I mean unless I'm missing something major I feel pretty happy on a regular basis, and no friends or family or even coworkers appear to be expressing alarm.

Nobody suspects a thing MUAHAHAHA