(no subject)

Switched from listening to JBDubs to the soundtrack to the only lovers left alive. I'm describing an emotional state. It doesn't work; people post lyrics, play songs, post videos, and nobody reads or listens (least of all me). It's hard not to - all of us bury our 17 year old selves, yet for all our experience we can't accept that our strong feelings don't convey; others can't hear, see, smell, feel them.

I can't make people I care about feel the way I want, not when it's important.
Nobody cares how you feel. If they do it won't necessarily help.

I tackled my friend, telling her I was addicted to her.
By tackled I mean lean.

I'm resolved in my ignorance - I need to strive. I feel fairly fucking alive right now, full of energy and staring at a world allegedly full of possibilities. I have reasons to be happy. Talking, doing, making eye contact, smiling, listening, picking up the weight again - these things are not impossible to do. They're not easy for me, but I can do them. I will get better with practice and I'm better for having learned something new.

A sine wave of chemicals and emotions operating independently of one another.