(no subject)

[vicarz]

Switched from listening to JBDubs to the soundtrack to the only lovers left alive. I'm describing an emotional state. It doesn't work; people post lyrics, play songs, post videos, and nobody reads or listens (least of all me). It's hard not to - all of us bury our 17 year old selves, yet for all our experience we can't accept that our strong feelings don't convey; others can't hear, see, smell, feel them.

I can't make people I care about feel the way I want, not when it's important.
Nobody cares how you feel. If they do it won't necessarily help.

I tackled my friend, telling her I was addicted to her.
By tackled I mean lean.

I'm resolved in my ignorance - I need to strive. I feel fairly fucking alive right now, full of energy and staring at a world allegedly full of possibilities. I have reasons to be happy. Talking, doing, making eye contact, smiling, listening, picking up the weight again - these things are not impossible to do. They're not easy for me, but I can do them. I will get better with practice and I'm better for having learned something new.

A sine wave of chemicals and emotions operating independently of one another.

Comments

[shutterbug.livejournal.com]

Damn sine wave. Seriously. Why can't it all be just linear with a positive slope?

[seaopaque.livejournal.com]

This post, albeit emo and at times nonsensical, is pretty.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

That's funny - it totally makes sense to me!

[eriss.livejournal.com]

OLLA soundtrack is damn good.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Yeah super melty.

[wantedonvoyage.livejournal.com]

No-one cries alone in my presence, but you're right; I probably don't really know what they are feeling, and maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe my response is like you described in your previous-which-means-it-happened-later post: I want them to poo out the bad, or cry it out, whatever works.

Look, I have a poo icon. Just remember you started this.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

and then there is my cat named 'ol one-eye icon...