I want to you all until

It's a bit true: I want to kiss everyone. I want to kiss everyone I dated in the past with whom we've expressed respectful reserved affections while I was not available (and many of them were and are not). But I want to kiss them. All. I want to kiss everyone I didn't kiss. I want to hug in the way our whole bodies touch and lips rest on the neck.

Well I probably would also want to slither in a slimy alien pit of all my wants, ex's, and a bunch of friends, writhing in a big alien sex ball of sexing. However there is this issue of parasitic life form exchange that keeps me from even thinking of that fantasy.

I also disappoint when I express this sort of thing. It's lesson I have a hard time with, that if you express affections too much you diminish the affections you do share. I remember that guy who was my screening device: if I saw a girl I was interested in with him, in any way, I wrote them off because they could not possibly express affection to me. He was such a creep to me that if someone could be attracted to (or put up with) him it meant their attraction to me meant nothing. Yes this was snobby and hypocritical, but it's how I fucking felt. Still do.

So this is probably a healthy feeling. I don't think it's "sow my (Hall &) Oats" but a natural expression of freedom after being contained for so long. It's like I recovered from diabetes and know where the candy isle is.

It also highly like means it will be followed by a crash. I'll either kiss people and get hurt, or kiss people who get hurt which in turn hurts me, and then feel horrible and guilt ridden. Or nobody will kiss me and I'll feel ugly wondering why I have to be so unappealing and unlovable. It may or may not be rational, but what I feel is unquestionably a high and the odds of a plateau vs. a crash are not good.

Pulling bodies together, shoulders then hips, and a hand on the small of the waist. A hand on the side of the neck.

I should probably get tipsy and go dance somewhere I don't know anyone.
And stay alone all sexy with my own sexy self.

(no subject)

Stopped by my house and nothing changed; no news is not good news. I did read the permits in the window, one noted failed inspections across the board. It didn't say why, though this fits the whole permitting paperwork issue. UGH.

Called GEICO and they indeed have that claim on file, but very incomplete information. The adjuster isn't in until Monday. I pulled a broken taillight (turn signal) out of the back and may replace it to avoid getting pulled over. Right now the turn light in the rear doesn't light (bulb was smashed) and as it's out, the front one blinks as a furious fuse-endangering pace. I do not want any excuse to be pulled over so I may just replace the bulb right away.

I'm almost looking forward to replacing my car though it's such a good bargain. It's utterly reliable, but needs a bunch of predictable things: gasket for the cover, timing belt/water pump, rattle in the exhaust system returned, pass window switch is dying and the motor as well, many bumps and bruises, the headlight covers need re-clearing, and it just isn't any good for moving large objects without a functional hatchback. It handles great but has low hp and the gear ratio was set back when the speed limit was 55...newer cars go faster in lower revs.

KBB online shows a value of $2,862.

Do I get another stick shift? It's holds me back from other purchases, and when I get surgery a clutch might prevent me from driving.

Will I be disappointed if they fix it? No used car will be as reliable as this one that I have cared for as the first owner, never missing an oil change.