![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Today's period rant
Jun. 13th, 2014 07:47 amI hope it's not ragingly misoggy to refer to my baseless emotions as being on my period.
Today's reality is living with ambiguity or that actors are not B&W.
I had a crush on a coworker in the late 90s - she was a former gymnast and cute as hell, sadly she was married and catholic. However, I knew with reasonable certainty she was cheating on her husband with somebody at work (also married). I remember spending my time with her believing what she said while she said it, while every so often the alternative reality crept into my head. One day I casually referred to the rumors, as they were so commonly joked about I assumed she knew. She said she didn't, and we took a break outside to talk about it. Tears flowed freely from her eyes while she talked about her shock, but I didn't believe her. I did and I didn't, because I couldn't absorb her emotional reaction not being true. At some point I believed both to be true, parts of me worked with the reality she was cheating, and other parts worked that people enjoyed the scandal so much they presumed it true - including the man who felt out "whether she would" to a mutual friend before the rumors started, before they traveled together.
A coworker shared his punk roots with me yesterday. He's one of the most subservient and acquiescent people I work with - very successful with this autocratic branch. His punk roots are hardcore. I wonder - was his angry music based on his emotions, or like many punks I've known did he gravitate there for/by the social environment? My theory is anger - and that by being so openly angry, yet living in a society where the anger essentially produces nothing except continual expressions of outrage, you are far better to handle abuse later in life. People who grow up with charmed lives may not be able to handle the infighting, self-destructive behavior, and control for the sheer sake of control endemic to organizational leaders. I wonder if learning to be comfortable with your anger has a destructive side-effect of too much control, of being so used to it you stifle it when it should have produced action. Or that's just me, not fully formed yet, still thinking my anger is justified.
A friend was lamenting finding a source of inspiration through art turned out to have a pretty well documented history of being a horrible person, not only that but in full contrast to the lessons taught through the art. I have too many friends, in my opinion, who accept art/music from shitty people with the mantra "if it's good who cares about the source," which runs counter to my philosophy of voting with your dollars. Arguing against my own view, I noted if a shitbag happens to make a sidewalk, we don't have to chisel it out of the ground. How many buildings were made by drunk abusive fathers - do we tear them down? I think bricks and mortar are certainly different than thoughtful art, but the comparison remains. I almost like that people who did bad things, who were notably imperfect, created things that inspired such good things in others. It doesn't reduce the crimes they committed - they don't need to be forgiven in the least - but society can still benefit from the idea that we are never fully good or evil.
Today's reality is living with ambiguity or that actors are not B&W.
I had a crush on a coworker in the late 90s - she was a former gymnast and cute as hell, sadly she was married and catholic. However, I knew with reasonable certainty she was cheating on her husband with somebody at work (also married). I remember spending my time with her believing what she said while she said it, while every so often the alternative reality crept into my head. One day I casually referred to the rumors, as they were so commonly joked about I assumed she knew. She said she didn't, and we took a break outside to talk about it. Tears flowed freely from her eyes while she talked about her shock, but I didn't believe her. I did and I didn't, because I couldn't absorb her emotional reaction not being true. At some point I believed both to be true, parts of me worked with the reality she was cheating, and other parts worked that people enjoyed the scandal so much they presumed it true - including the man who felt out "whether she would" to a mutual friend before the rumors started, before they traveled together.
A coworker shared his punk roots with me yesterday. He's one of the most subservient and acquiescent people I work with - very successful with this autocratic branch. His punk roots are hardcore. I wonder - was his angry music based on his emotions, or like many punks I've known did he gravitate there for/by the social environment? My theory is anger - and that by being so openly angry, yet living in a society where the anger essentially produces nothing except continual expressions of outrage, you are far better to handle abuse later in life. People who grow up with charmed lives may not be able to handle the infighting, self-destructive behavior, and control for the sheer sake of control endemic to organizational leaders. I wonder if learning to be comfortable with your anger has a destructive side-effect of too much control, of being so used to it you stifle it when it should have produced action. Or that's just me, not fully formed yet, still thinking my anger is justified.
A friend was lamenting finding a source of inspiration through art turned out to have a pretty well documented history of being a horrible person, not only that but in full contrast to the lessons taught through the art. I have too many friends, in my opinion, who accept art/music from shitty people with the mantra "if it's good who cares about the source," which runs counter to my philosophy of voting with your dollars. Arguing against my own view, I noted if a shitbag happens to make a sidewalk, we don't have to chisel it out of the ground. How many buildings were made by drunk abusive fathers - do we tear them down? I think bricks and mortar are certainly different than thoughtful art, but the comparison remains. I almost like that people who did bad things, who were notably imperfect, created things that inspired such good things in others. It doesn't reduce the crimes they committed - they don't need to be forgiven in the least - but society can still benefit from the idea that we are never fully good or evil.
