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Thank deity I have these problems
Nov. 10th, 2013 08:45 amToday in finally figuring out a course of action with real estate, in a perspective possibly fueled and distorted by coffee, I had the giant revelation that I may lack the perspective or at least constant awareness of how fortunate I am. Here is my little burst of thanksgiving-like thought:
House. I'm pining over whether to buy the 3,000 sf mansion I don't need that may be a great investment or the 1500 sf insane monstrosity that needs so much work. Reality - I have the ability to comfortably buy either; possibly both, and I'm looking in addition to holding my current residence as an investment property. Seriously, I'm shopping for houses in multiples? At work I meet a lot of people who live in trailers and work in slaughterhouses - not disrespecting them one bit, but the fact I have this life is not something I should overlook. I don't mean to sound like I'm pining over the theoretical starving in africa, but I'm shopping for houses without need.
Heart. I have a girlfriend, and she's good to me. Talking to someone facing some real relationship issues I note that for years it seemed like nobody wanted me. I went from desperate compromises, to long purple hair with crazy outfits (and more crazy compromises), to this weird process of actually choosing people for what they wanted and offered me ... perhaps even how I feel. A lot of that is experience and self-confidence, but 20 years ago it would have been hard to imagine these relationship issues faced today vs. the illusory pursuits at the time.
Health. I pine over injuries that keep me from competing with other athletes, or my own accomplishments gosh just not being enough. As a child and young adult I had violent fantasies that were at least partly a product of feeling powerless. Now, violence is a sad direction compared to learning social skills, but now that in most cases I could physically overpower people that annoy me, I don't have that urge. Again, confidence that came with training, or the constant resetting of goals, makes ... but that's not my point here. My dad died young of cancer, and while I may drop from an aneurysm at any moment, I have better-than-average physical health to the point I engage in the luxury of competition with athletes just for the enjoyment of it. I take care of myself out of habit, but routinely splurge with unhealthy things - seemingly without consequence. The fact I can strive for more is nice, the fact I do is great, but the fact I can is a gift.
Friends. I've felt lonely and isolated for decades, but don't now. I have friends, and even when some relationships fall through, or others that could-have-been aren't, I have a constant available shifting pool of good people in my life. Hell I even have a couple of friends I haven't slept with...at least a couple!
Confidence? In each case it seems my becoming confident and comfortable in my own skin, with my own person, has been hugely influential to success in each area of my life. Am I happy because I learned and experienced the benefits of my lessons, or did I just become more confident with time and that resulted in the ability to enjoy these things which is a cycle of improvement as I'm less annoying when I'm not desperately seeking attention or licking my wounds?
I don't know; I do care because I like what I have and would like to give it, to teach it, to others. However, at least for now, I'm also going to take some time to appreciate it.
House. I'm pining over whether to buy the 3,000 sf mansion I don't need that may be a great investment or the 1500 sf insane monstrosity that needs so much work. Reality - I have the ability to comfortably buy either; possibly both, and I'm looking in addition to holding my current residence as an investment property. Seriously, I'm shopping for houses in multiples? At work I meet a lot of people who live in trailers and work in slaughterhouses - not disrespecting them one bit, but the fact I have this life is not something I should overlook. I don't mean to sound like I'm pining over the theoretical starving in africa, but I'm shopping for houses without need.
Heart. I have a girlfriend, and she's good to me. Talking to someone facing some real relationship issues I note that for years it seemed like nobody wanted me. I went from desperate compromises, to long purple hair with crazy outfits (and more crazy compromises), to this weird process of actually choosing people for what they wanted and offered me ... perhaps even how I feel. A lot of that is experience and self-confidence, but 20 years ago it would have been hard to imagine these relationship issues faced today vs. the illusory pursuits at the time.
Health. I pine over injuries that keep me from competing with other athletes, or my own accomplishments gosh just not being enough. As a child and young adult I had violent fantasies that were at least partly a product of feeling powerless. Now, violence is a sad direction compared to learning social skills, but now that in most cases I could physically overpower people that annoy me, I don't have that urge. Again, confidence that came with training, or the constant resetting of goals, makes ... but that's not my point here. My dad died young of cancer, and while I may drop from an aneurysm at any moment, I have better-than-average physical health to the point I engage in the luxury of competition with athletes just for the enjoyment of it. I take care of myself out of habit, but routinely splurge with unhealthy things - seemingly without consequence. The fact I can strive for more is nice, the fact I do is great, but the fact I can is a gift.
Friends. I've felt lonely and isolated for decades, but don't now. I have friends, and even when some relationships fall through, or others that could-have-been aren't, I have a constant available shifting pool of good people in my life. Hell I even have a couple of friends I haven't slept with...at least a couple!
Confidence? In each case it seems my becoming confident and comfortable in my own skin, with my own person, has been hugely influential to success in each area of my life. Am I happy because I learned and experienced the benefits of my lessons, or did I just become more confident with time and that resulted in the ability to enjoy these things which is a cycle of improvement as I'm less annoying when I'm not desperately seeking attention or licking my wounds?
I don't know; I do care because I like what I have and would like to give it, to teach it, to others. However, at least for now, I'm also going to take some time to appreciate it.
