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Discrimination: I can't turn it off
Oct. 1st, 2012 09:11 amTidbits of my racist past:
I've never not been race conscious. It can be difficult to separate this from class conscious.
My first gummint job was looking for discrimination. I got several habits from that work, including keeping a mental count of how many females and minorities I saw, and in what positions. I encountered the office version of the term porch monkey
(Porch monkey -racist old term, southern even, referring to "negroes" sitting on the porch - because they were fucking poor and didn't have ac, and I've porch monkeyed when I didn't have ac because it's the coolest place to be in the hot southern afternoon or evening. As applied in an office setting: When a minority is stuck up in the front of the office to make the place look diverse, when in fact it is not - typical use was by minorities at minorities in a highly derogatory way, see also house N...)
My racist boss in that same gummint job referred to the reality of how for every stereotype there was a basis - it wouldn't be a stereotype were there not truth in it (I often refer to my racist boss, but I don't always follow with the detail that he was an af-amer male - it's a trap I enjoy setting. Even more rarely do I mention he was a closeted gay black male)
I still count. I still see race. I still see gender. I still see gay.
I mean it's not a big deal, but I just came from a wedding where I feel as I once said "white," or perhaps I could just say dorky. I'm happy my experience, attitudes, and awareness are fading out of date - but at the wedding I realized my mental count when someone mentioned to me the men dancing together have been married for 7 years. I did that whole goofy "gwahl!" noise and everything, just like a cracker (you know the type, the noise, like when an old man refers to have a black person "speaks very well!)" only I was more uh...old hippie type? I mean the skinny pink tie was a hint, but I just noticed spikey and dyed hair in that group of people and pegged them as "one of us."
But ugh. I counted. I mean I didn't run 4/5s ratios like I used to and do math, but I noted the racial and gender mix of staff and guests, whether any off-color comments were possibly interpreted as offensive by someone outside the group (I'd have to vote no on this one, as if anyone were offended it would be solely because were a bunch of callous perverts) (highly energetic, creative, callous perverts). But I did notice the most skinheady looking guy was with an af-amer date, that we had openly married menfolks and perhaps not married but men-oriented menfolks, a mix of races and nationalities, and a lack of that whole "men in groups, women in other groups" nonsense you often see in social settings (ahem, self-segretating).
I noticed an earlier wedding party that looked more conservative was 100% unblemished lilly white.
The whole ke-bang pretty much fit any "count standard" I would have laid out. I'd be whining if it hadn't. However, without being offended I'm full of "God I'm a dork" reflection of how I still count.
Recently I lost a case where a Judge (Admin) ruled she didn't believe our witness, who was accused of calling a black man a "camel jockey." While the lie should have been obvious to anyone with knowledge of the field (wrong slur per race, you moron), the Judge went into this long credibility explanation where she noted that the alleged discriminating official was agitated when she had to respond to being accused of making a racial slur including dropping the N-bomb at work, and called her "race obsessed" for being upset. Gee, imagine that...but the race obsessed thing? I'm fucking guilty of that. But what does that mean?
Unrelated - an old fellow I know says, and frankly seems to casually believe, some racist things. Recently I ran into his wife, who is a foreign born Latino. Even old racism aint what it used to be.
I've never not been race conscious. It can be difficult to separate this from class conscious.
My first gummint job was looking for discrimination. I got several habits from that work, including keeping a mental count of how many females and minorities I saw, and in what positions. I encountered the office version of the term porch monkey
(Porch monkey -racist old term, southern even, referring to "negroes" sitting on the porch - because they were fucking poor and didn't have ac, and I've porch monkeyed when I didn't have ac because it's the coolest place to be in the hot southern afternoon or evening. As applied in an office setting: When a minority is stuck up in the front of the office to make the place look diverse, when in fact it is not - typical use was by minorities at minorities in a highly derogatory way, see also house N...)
My racist boss in that same gummint job referred to the reality of how for every stereotype there was a basis - it wouldn't be a stereotype were there not truth in it (I often refer to my racist boss, but I don't always follow with the detail that he was an af-amer male - it's a trap I enjoy setting. Even more rarely do I mention he was a closeted gay black male)
I still count. I still see race. I still see gender. I still see gay.
I mean it's not a big deal, but I just came from a wedding where I feel as I once said "white," or perhaps I could just say dorky. I'm happy my experience, attitudes, and awareness are fading out of date - but at the wedding I realized my mental count when someone mentioned to me the men dancing together have been married for 7 years. I did that whole goofy "gwahl!" noise and everything, just like a cracker (you know the type, the noise, like when an old man refers to have a black person "speaks very well!)" only I was more uh...old hippie type? I mean the skinny pink tie was a hint, but I just noticed spikey and dyed hair in that group of people and pegged them as "one of us."
But ugh. I counted. I mean I didn't run 4/5s ratios like I used to and do math, but I noted the racial and gender mix of staff and guests, whether any off-color comments were possibly interpreted as offensive by someone outside the group (I'd have to vote no on this one, as if anyone were offended it would be solely because were a bunch of callous perverts) (highly energetic, creative, callous perverts). But I did notice the most skinheady looking guy was with an af-amer date, that we had openly married menfolks and perhaps not married but men-oriented menfolks, a mix of races and nationalities, and a lack of that whole "men in groups, women in other groups" nonsense you often see in social settings (ahem, self-segretating).
I noticed an earlier wedding party that looked more conservative was 100% unblemished lilly white.
The whole ke-bang pretty much fit any "count standard" I would have laid out. I'd be whining if it hadn't. However, without being offended I'm full of "God I'm a dork" reflection of how I still count.
Recently I lost a case where a Judge (Admin) ruled she didn't believe our witness, who was accused of calling a black man a "camel jockey." While the lie should have been obvious to anyone with knowledge of the field (wrong slur per race, you moron), the Judge went into this long credibility explanation where she noted that the alleged discriminating official was agitated when she had to respond to being accused of making a racial slur including dropping the N-bomb at work, and called her "race obsessed" for being upset. Gee, imagine that...but the race obsessed thing? I'm fucking guilty of that. But what does that mean?
Unrelated - an old fellow I know says, and frankly seems to casually believe, some racist things. Recently I ran into his wife, who is a foreign born Latino. Even old racism aint what it used to be.
