LAMENT!?

I still lament the years I wasted being unhappy, long-past and recent. Today I was set off by a vid posted in the Poseur's reunion facebook place where everyone is dumping the youtube version of their favorite slightly or very alt 80s video. I was trying to hard to be another type of cool back then, and had no friends (in general really, and that was lotsly my fault too) and I just wish I could go back and do it all over again, enjoy the things right then that I liked after they faded.

But I'm sitting here listening to some silly music that sounds kinda like the same thing, only by a different band taht is around today. I have plenty of friends, only I'm kinda lazy and selfish so I don't spend much time with any of them. And there are shows but I don't really want to go to the shows.

Everything is a choice - my fantasy about being young but having all the advantages of youth? I'M A FUCKING IDIOT.
I already have that.
I'm looking old sure, but a young old that is more plus than minus. I am in stupidly good shape. I have none of the pains that come with age, but all of the education, experience, and even money taht comes with that. I have confidence I always lacked (or in the alternative, I'm too lazy to act on my rampant insecurities).

The music is out there and easy to find. The shows are publicized.
The friends are there if I'd just txt and commit to a plan.
I still have this cute alt gf.
I'm not worried about money or the future (well not mine).

What part of my ideal fantasy am I missing? dumbass