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Oct. 25th, 2009 07:58 amI think a lot of the problems I've had in life have come from being spoiled. Somehow the idea that the universe was fair was something I couldn't let go - that's good for aspiration, but as an expectation it leads to a lot of disappointment. Learning it isn't so gave me a give up on everything attitude. Expectations seem to make a lot of people crazy.
People who were given everything as kids seem to really flail as adults. I'm beginning to think the hard-working career-money-aholics are the best adjusted out of that lot.
Hippies - oh I want to love them but all of them are just incredibly selfish. When did I stop believing they were changing the world instead of simply reinforcing their belief that they were superior? Was it when I stopped?
I'm not taking the time to articulate this well - no this isn't about anybody I know. This is right up there with a hangover-piece of instrospection with as much analysis about the outside world as any of us make in storing generalities about other drivers in traffic.
Can I sum to make some sense of this (rather than put in the effort to make a well-written essay)?
Most of the pain I've felt in my life has been self-inflicted - based on my expectations not fitting reality; disappointment; and mostly my own hand-wringing reaction to relatively minor problems in my life.
Most of the gains I've had in life have come from letting things go; taking it if I couldn't move on; and working hard and steady. My education, my career, my money, my physique are all things that I gained with hours-day-months-years of slow steady work. I wasn't brilliant, I wasn't better, I didn't do more - I just LISTENED, plodded, and stayed on one course or another for extended periods of time.
I think I've seen this in others - the most successful I've seen are all based on their own slow and steady hard work. They don't brag much - they aren't so much proud as understand the relationship beteween what they have and what they did. Most successes I see are not the best at what they do - not by nature. They all have excuses that a thousand others pointed to as the reason for their failure, while the successes worked around the reason or just fought harder in some other area.
What's confusing is my sense of "I'm better than everyone around me" or sense of entitlement- whatever it was or was called - probably made me so willing to work so hard for so long in the first place. Which really panned out - humility or arrogance? Humility enough to listen, or arrogance to search for the answer because I knew what I was due? Humility enough to work and earn things I didn't have, or arrogance to believe I deserved them and pride to work hard enough to fix inequity? Who knows.
The people that seem the saddest and least successful in their lives right now are the ones who talk but don't listen. Knowing too much to question their thoughts, and being annoyed with people who disagree with them. Instead of failure bringing about change, they spiral in self-pity - which feels good. It feels good to have such a high opinion of yourself that you engage in the sheer beauty of lamentation periods of the unfair nature of the universe that treats you so. Longing for the things you inherently deserve more than everyone else, you lick your wounds and spend hours-weeks-months wondering how people can be so blind and cruel as to not be part of your pleasurable experience. Of course it's not selfish, it's simply your inherent connection to the gods / birthright / higher intelligence that makes you more able to appreciate the finer things than those around you. Sigh. The more you lament, the more you are convincing yourself that you are better than everone else.
I'm still learning, but on a good day I listen. This isn't that day from the look of the above - I'm feeling greatful for the gains I have that are the result of long periods of pain and learning - the listening was probably the last thing I did. I'm happy and damn lucky for the good things in my life. I had them or the ability to have them much earlier, but at least I gained them at all. It's like I've discovered the entire mystery of the universe is "If I'd simply cleaned my room instead of throwing a fit I'd be done by now."
Ahem - nobody who can read this is the subject of this post. OR I don't care enough or have the brass enough to address anyone that this might apply to directly. Why? They weren't listening in the first place, and if there is a lesson in here that applies to them (not you of course) then I presented it poorly and their anger will direct at me. Alas. I can't hurt you if you're not already hurt (not without some sort of pokey machine). I can't help you if you're not ready to listen - and if you're ready to listen you don't need me because you've heard the simple things I've said here today long before I wrote them. If you happen to hear them - then you were ready to listen. If it helps, fantastic, but that was you that heard, did, and enjoyed it. Even if I was the one who said it, I shouldn't get credit - I wasn't the first to learn it or say it to you. This might be the 27th of 104 times it took for it to get through to you - or this might be the 327th time and you'll always sit around crying that the things you want you don't get / feeling sorry for yourself because like a riding crop to the back it just feels good you sicko.
I think I'll have some toast and a shower. /tweet
People who were given everything as kids seem to really flail as adults. I'm beginning to think the hard-working career-money-aholics are the best adjusted out of that lot.
Hippies - oh I want to love them but all of them are just incredibly selfish. When did I stop believing they were changing the world instead of simply reinforcing their belief that they were superior? Was it when I stopped?
I'm not taking the time to articulate this well - no this isn't about anybody I know. This is right up there with a hangover-piece of instrospection with as much analysis about the outside world as any of us make in storing generalities about other drivers in traffic.
Can I sum to make some sense of this (rather than put in the effort to make a well-written essay)?
Most of the pain I've felt in my life has been self-inflicted - based on my expectations not fitting reality; disappointment; and mostly my own hand-wringing reaction to relatively minor problems in my life.
Most of the gains I've had in life have come from letting things go; taking it if I couldn't move on; and working hard and steady. My education, my career, my money, my physique are all things that I gained with hours-day-months-years of slow steady work. I wasn't brilliant, I wasn't better, I didn't do more - I just LISTENED, plodded, and stayed on one course or another for extended periods of time.
I think I've seen this in others - the most successful I've seen are all based on their own slow and steady hard work. They don't brag much - they aren't so much proud as understand the relationship beteween what they have and what they did. Most successes I see are not the best at what they do - not by nature. They all have excuses that a thousand others pointed to as the reason for their failure, while the successes worked around the reason or just fought harder in some other area.
What's confusing is my sense of "I'm better than everyone around me" or sense of entitlement- whatever it was or was called - probably made me so willing to work so hard for so long in the first place. Which really panned out - humility or arrogance? Humility enough to listen, or arrogance to search for the answer because I knew what I was due? Humility enough to work and earn things I didn't have, or arrogance to believe I deserved them and pride to work hard enough to fix inequity? Who knows.
The people that seem the saddest and least successful in their lives right now are the ones who talk but don't listen. Knowing too much to question their thoughts, and being annoyed with people who disagree with them. Instead of failure bringing about change, they spiral in self-pity - which feels good. It feels good to have such a high opinion of yourself that you engage in the sheer beauty of lamentation periods of the unfair nature of the universe that treats you so. Longing for the things you inherently deserve more than everyone else, you lick your wounds and spend hours-weeks-months wondering how people can be so blind and cruel as to not be part of your pleasurable experience. Of course it's not selfish, it's simply your inherent connection to the gods / birthright / higher intelligence that makes you more able to appreciate the finer things than those around you. Sigh. The more you lament, the more you are convincing yourself that you are better than everone else.
I'm still learning, but on a good day I listen. This isn't that day from the look of the above - I'm feeling greatful for the gains I have that are the result of long periods of pain and learning - the listening was probably the last thing I did. I'm happy and damn lucky for the good things in my life. I had them or the ability to have them much earlier, but at least I gained them at all. It's like I've discovered the entire mystery of the universe is "If I'd simply cleaned my room instead of throwing a fit I'd be done by now."
Ahem - nobody who can read this is the subject of this post. OR I don't care enough or have the brass enough to address anyone that this might apply to directly. Why? They weren't listening in the first place, and if there is a lesson in here that applies to them (not you of course) then I presented it poorly and their anger will direct at me. Alas. I can't hurt you if you're not already hurt (not without some sort of pokey machine). I can't help you if you're not ready to listen - and if you're ready to listen you don't need me because you've heard the simple things I've said here today long before I wrote them. If you happen to hear them - then you were ready to listen. If it helps, fantastic, but that was you that heard, did, and enjoyed it. Even if I was the one who said it, I shouldn't get credit - I wasn't the first to learn it or say it to you. This might be the 27th of 104 times it took for it to get through to you - or this might be the 327th time and you'll always sit around crying that the things you want you don't get / feeling sorry for yourself because like a riding crop to the back it just feels good you sicko.
I think I'll have some toast and a shower. /tweet
