All of this and nothing

Can't find my femmes cd.

Which is worse for the environment really - 10-20 mpg less, or a huge battery made with unfriendly chemcials which will be added to the earth's mass in 5-20 years?

I've outed myself at bar-prep class. Everyone is wishing the exam was further away, while I wish I could take it now and get it over with. Tonight at 6pm I could find out how I did scaled / compared to the natl avg, but I'll be in class and won't be able to tell until I get home. I am considering also taking the VA bar in Feb since I've already gone through the pain of figuring out the MBE.

I'm not trying to rub this in anyone's face, but I like alcohol. No matter how I feel, I can ingest chemicals and change it. For many USians this is normal - with a prescription it's not only legal, but protected by law as a discriminated-against class. I can make my mood with chemicals. It's not an exact science. Numb. Lights and sound, eyes closed and spinning, call it a club, so much stimulation and feeling that you feel nothing. Escape. But it doesn't work. Cokehead T told me I could never know, that for the rest of her life no matter what she did every day some part of her knew that she'd feel better if she was on coke. Every day - it never goes away. If I don't do drugs I close my eyes and dream of ... god even the dreams are empty. Sexy hookups in clubs...I know that drug too. Whatever you have, something else looks like a quick fix to "happiness." Working out, through pain and into endorphins, another buzz. Going to work, winning a case, issuing a motion, more escape. Getting a law degree or passing the bar, more escapism. Always work to be done.

What does any of this have to do with getting food or spreading genetic material? The things we care about make no sense.

(no subject)

Even if I lose, I win. I just got unofficial notice that my paperwork has started for my GS-14. I hadn't requested it, but it seems that my performance was noticed (or presented) to a high-up who nudged the chain of command to process my promotion - a process that I hear has already started. Some of the time I'm studying for and taking the bar might be paid at a higher rate! I'm going to pretend that this has something to do with law school, so I feel like the last 4.5 years of work was for a reason.

I likes me my monies, but this is good for a few reasons. One reason is my feeling about whether I am in this job due to alleged negative information about me to my superiors. EVEN IF true that the assignment started off due to such, it seems that word of my performance has trickled up the chain and impressed people. Either the negative information was wrong, or I've performed consistently enough to outlive and outshine the negative information. I are pleased.

Lets see, you get > the $ of 2 steps up and I'm a 13/6, so it seems I should bump to 14/3. That's like a 9% raise - does not suck! Still, I like the recognition more than the $...but both are nice!

So fuck that bar exam...I gots me a 14!

(no subject)

...and then I got home to discover they posted the fake-MBE results early...

BAR/BRI OVERALL SCORE
Raw Score: You answered 133 correctly out of 200, which equals 66.5% correct.
National Rank: Your score was higher than 90% of the students taking the exam.
85% of the people taking the MBE take the barbri course
My fears may have been a bit larger than the reality

BAR/BRI SCORE BY SUBJECT
( Details won't matter to anyone but me. )