All of this and nothing

[vicarz]

Can't find my femmes cd.

Which is worse for the environment really - 10-20 mpg less, or a huge battery made with unfriendly chemcials which will be added to the earth's mass in 5-20 years?

I've outed myself at bar-prep class. Everyone is wishing the exam was further away, while I wish I could take it now and get it over with. Tonight at 6pm I could find out how I did scaled / compared to the natl avg, but I'll be in class and won't be able to tell until I get home. I am considering also taking the VA bar in Feb since I've already gone through the pain of figuring out the MBE.

I'm not trying to rub this in anyone's face, but I like alcohol. No matter how I feel, I can ingest chemicals and change it. For many USians this is normal - with a prescription it's not only legal, but protected by law as a discriminated-against class. I can make my mood with chemicals. It's not an exact science. Numb. Lights and sound, eyes closed and spinning, call it a club, so much stimulation and feeling that you feel nothing. Escape. But it doesn't work. Cokehead T told me I could never know, that for the rest of her life no matter what she did every day some part of her knew that she'd feel better if she was on coke. Every day - it never goes away. If I don't do drugs I close my eyes and dream of ... god even the dreams are empty. Sexy hookups in clubs...I know that drug too. Whatever you have, something else looks like a quick fix to "happiness." Working out, through pain and into endorphins, another buzz. Going to work, winning a case, issuing a motion, more escape. Getting a law degree or passing the bar, more escapism. Always work to be done.

What does any of this have to do with getting food or spreading genetic material? The things we care about make no sense.