Missing the point is a universal problem.

Today the "barkers" were not at the top of the metro. Typically, there are two men at the top of the metro yelling "Good Morning" very loudly. One is trying to sell the wall street journal, the other giving away the post express. Neither seems to comprehend: 1) people get their papers on their way into, rather than out of, the metro, 2) the lack of enthusiasm is not going to be increased by sheer volume of the message. Then again, if they could figure things out, they wouldn't be trying to hock newspapers in their adult life.

I remember a story about someone trying to educate the little kids they used to use to sell the Washington Times at metro entrances. The kids would just yell, over and over, "Washington Times, twenty-five cents!" Their urban accents were often thick, and the message quickly became "Wah time, tenny-fye sin!" Allegedly a man stopped and talked to one, noting that everyone knows the paper is there - but what you had to do was advertise why someone might want the paper. He encouraged the boys to read the paper, and advertise articles of interest. Supposedly the kids did this, and started hollering headlines followed by "Read about it in the Washington Times, only 25¢!" I don't know if the story is true, but there is a point in there.

People miss the point. They lose sight of the goal and focus on a step on the way there.

* The paper sellers yelled loudly, not only failing to understand what might encourage people to get the paper, but aggravating them to the point they were less interested than if they were not there at all.
* My spam box is always filled with sex ads. Men go to strip clubs. Let's say I have a huge cock...how do I advertise this? What market of "hot women" is there for wide-wang? I mean a number of people like that, but not to the exclusion of all else. A loser with a giant rod is still a loser. The spam targets the large number of men that think their problem is their penis size or ability to maintain an erection. They get stuck on the sex, which is really more part of a package than a goal in and of itself.
* Strippers are not your friends. People you give money to don't give you respect or love, they give you time and attention like any other commissioned salesperson. People don't really want sex, I mean it's nice and all, but they want love. They want friendship. They want respect.
* Poor people wear t-shirts with brand names of clothes they wouldn't wear even if they had the money. Speaking of it - gold teeth.
* People do not respect the driver of a "nice" car. Sure, I look at cars and find some visually appealing. People that drive flashy cars? Ew. They see the heads turning and mistake it for respect. Anyone can drive a car, and many of us could buy the flashy ones. We choose not to.

(no subject)

I just resisted. I resisted the urge to act, to show "street cred."

I was speaking with a man about his deaf son, who I wrote up (but oddly didn't fire) because he threw a knife across a room (not quite towards someone). He mentioned that I didn't understand deaf culture, and the frustration they experience. I fought back the urge to note that I've hung out at Gallaudet and dated a hearing-impaired girl. It rung too much like "Some of my best friends are black," and if he was going to be ignorant about what I knew about that culture, and if he was going to use it as a crutch to excuse his boy's behavior, I was going to let him act like an ass and not even let him know I noticed.

You should always resist the urge to show your cred.
Group affiliation is never important.

A friend told me ages ago that she liked the real me, that she found it annoying how often I slipped into "flame-on" mode. She thought it was cute sometimes, but that I did it too much too often, obscuring who I really was. I didn't understand that for the longest time - I didn't even know the way I acted changed from place to place. It was always me, just different sides. It felt natural at the time. Other friends have pointed out that I act differently in different situations, loud in some, grandstanding in others. I'm trying to stop. I like to show different sides of myself, I like to "do theater," but I want it to be a conscious choice - not a self-conscious reflex that is invoked for some involuntary need to seek affirmation.

I don't volunteer what race or genders I have dated. I don't talk about disabilities I am familiar with. I don't dwell on my name vs. appearance (except to El). I have the urge. I want to say "No, I do understand more than you know." I am more likely today to say the point is not relevant to the discussion, or that even if true, it won't excuse the behavior in question. I'm less likely to address the argument at all - certainly it's not worth my time to give the argument merit by noting my affiliation with the group in question.