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Aug. 7th, 2005 06:16 amThis is great - I'm up early and so ready to be productive! You see, I bolted from the party early yesterday because my tummy started feeling not-very-good-at-all. I ran home and felt very not good for a long time, wondering what I ate that was not-so-good. Around ten I decided there was no way a little tummyache was going to keep me from the night at chairschool I looked forward to all week - especially after Vlad put up a request poll and I had put so many new weird electronic songs on it, especially after nation sucked so mightily. So a little after ten I hit chairschool. It turns out sitting in a car then standing up mutates into intense abdominal pain. I don't last 30 minutes in the club before I dash off for home. I started to watch tv, but chills and sweats set in so I just went to bed.
A little after midnight an ex calls me. I don't make it to the phone in time, stare at the name and number, and decide not to call back. I'm already a little emotionally wonky, I still have feelings for her, I don't want to hear about her live-in boyfriend issues, and playing affirmation whore is not the role I want to perform at that hour. Now I'm still feeling so-so, pissed that I'm up at a work hour but going to run off and do chores anyway. What a waste of a night, one I planned for and looked forward to.
When Kirstin and I did the belly high-five, I didn't know it was a Will & Grace thing. Since realizing I had accumulated a belly when those pics were taken, I lost fat % and built more muscle in the abdominals - I can now catch a 10lb medicine ball on my abs, tossing the ball back up for 3 minutes. A lot of my friends have lost serious weight lately, I hear about it on line but it still blows me away to see it in person. 20, 30, 40 lbs and more, it impresses the hell out of me. Generally it's not from some looney diet, it's slow and steady combinations of healthy eating with exercise. Haven't seen anyone "rebound" either. I don't know if it's PC to appreciate it, but I'm impressed.
Lights - my god ikea is cheap compared to home depot. The only problem is the fascination with halogen lights...why is everyone stuck on those? They don't work on dimmers and are hot, eating electricity aren't they?
For a brief moment I saw why a girl would be uncomfortable with gay mannerisms from a guy they had a romantic interest in. For a brief moment I considered acting straight, quickly remembering that nothing matters but being liked for who you are.
But who you are changes over time.
Some traits are core.
There is nothing wrong with managing your appearance. You pick the towels up off the floor.
It's not natural to "act straight." Why would anyone want me to fake it?
No one wants someone who fakes it - they want someone who does it instinctively.
When you are born you don't even know how to wipe your ass. To say that masculinity or acting straight is anything but a learned set of culturally defined behaviors is asinine.
A little after midnight an ex calls me. I don't make it to the phone in time, stare at the name and number, and decide not to call back. I'm already a little emotionally wonky, I still have feelings for her, I don't want to hear about her live-in boyfriend issues, and playing affirmation whore is not the role I want to perform at that hour. Now I'm still feeling so-so, pissed that I'm up at a work hour but going to run off and do chores anyway. What a waste of a night, one I planned for and looked forward to.
When Kirstin and I did the belly high-five, I didn't know it was a Will & Grace thing. Since realizing I had accumulated a belly when those pics were taken, I lost fat % and built more muscle in the abdominals - I can now catch a 10lb medicine ball on my abs, tossing the ball back up for 3 minutes. A lot of my friends have lost serious weight lately, I hear about it on line but it still blows me away to see it in person. 20, 30, 40 lbs and more, it impresses the hell out of me. Generally it's not from some looney diet, it's slow and steady combinations of healthy eating with exercise. Haven't seen anyone "rebound" either. I don't know if it's PC to appreciate it, but I'm impressed.
Lights - my god ikea is cheap compared to home depot. The only problem is the fascination with halogen lights...why is everyone stuck on those? They don't work on dimmers and are hot, eating electricity aren't they?
For a brief moment I saw why a girl would be uncomfortable with gay mannerisms from a guy they had a romantic interest in. For a brief moment I considered acting straight, quickly remembering that nothing matters but being liked for who you are.
But who you are changes over time.
Some traits are core.
There is nothing wrong with managing your appearance. You pick the towels up off the floor.
It's not natural to "act straight." Why would anyone want me to fake it?
No one wants someone who fakes it - they want someone who does it instinctively.
When you are born you don't even know how to wipe your ass. To say that masculinity or acting straight is anything but a learned set of culturally defined behaviors is asinine.
