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Mar. 9th, 2005 04:52 pmUnghhhh...2 hours to Richmond, 2 hours listening to a liar, then 2 hours back. In my world, this was a wonderful day. Portishead is love. Were it not for portishead I would not think there was any use for lipstick. I took like 10 cd's for the trip, and kept playing the same 3 songs over and over...
Today's revelation was that I spend too much time on LJ. Too much energy. LJ isn't real, my writings aren't real, the validation I get for them isn't real...sure my writing is what I think and how I talk, but perhaps this kind of exposure is as unattractive as naked chix in clubs. Taking your top off no matter how plain you are will get you attention - perhaps this writing is similar. Am I as naive as a club bunny thinking that people like this stuff? Is it my nipple icon or muscle picture that is the real motivation, conscious or un? Or is it just the blah blah? I caught myself trying to steer someone I wanted to know to LJ...good god. Am I so lazy or socially retarded that I'd try to interact by this?
Neat line of thought, but frankly the direction it takes me is that I need to actually socialize. To use that talking electronic voice thing on my desk / by the bed. To swap mails and then actually meet in person. Not just wind up in the same place, schedule. Interact. That's an obvious answer, but one I don't have time for. I cannot interact socially, I just don't have time. But I don't know if I can take another 2.25 years of not being social - will the damage become permanent? I swear I'm damaged goods from the stress and isolation. I'm not unhappy, but I definitely want more.
Yes I was posting a while ago that people that don't reveal suck. People that reveal too much also suck. Like everything else, it's a balance (and I'm an extremist).
Today's revelation was that I spend too much time on LJ. Too much energy. LJ isn't real, my writings aren't real, the validation I get for them isn't real...sure my writing is what I think and how I talk, but perhaps this kind of exposure is as unattractive as naked chix in clubs. Taking your top off no matter how plain you are will get you attention - perhaps this writing is similar. Am I as naive as a club bunny thinking that people like this stuff? Is it my nipple icon or muscle picture that is the real motivation, conscious or un? Or is it just the blah blah? I caught myself trying to steer someone I wanted to know to LJ...good god. Am I so lazy or socially retarded that I'd try to interact by this?
Neat line of thought, but frankly the direction it takes me is that I need to actually socialize. To use that talking electronic voice thing on my desk / by the bed. To swap mails and then actually meet in person. Not just wind up in the same place, schedule. Interact. That's an obvious answer, but one I don't have time for. I cannot interact socially, I just don't have time. But I don't know if I can take another 2.25 years of not being social - will the damage become permanent? I swear I'm damaged goods from the stress and isolation. I'm not unhappy, but I definitely want more.
Yes I was posting a while ago that people that don't reveal suck. People that reveal too much also suck. Like everything else, it's a balance (and I'm an extremist).
