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Mar. 1st, 2005 07:33 amLast night class was canceled even though school was open. I'm way ahead in my studies in once sense, as in all but one class I'm still working on-pace with the syllabus. I was going to be 100% caught up, but a glance at my writing class uncovered an unexpected 4 more hours of prep time which ate my night right up.
I think I enjoy this. The sick sick truth exposed, but while I'm tired I always feel like I have something important to do. It's not a choice, it's a mission. I've pushed aside love, lovers, friends, family, my physical and mental health, all for this...study of law? Push to get grades? In my mind, not matter how often I joke that I choose to do this and could quit, it's not an option. I think if I ever believed for a moment that it was optional that I'd quit. Law school is like a long drawn-out version of "gimmie one more rep."
I'm slow. Many of my classmates do far more in far less time. I catch up with them through sheer force of will. I'm the boxer who wins the fight through heart rather than skill. I can't possibly win, but I refuse to go down.
There are crumbs on the counter. Last night I pushed last week's dry laundry to the side to hang new laundry. I can see debris on the floor, and don't even know where the vacuum is - probably helping dry something black. The bathroom floor is covered with black lint. Books and paper form a nest around my chair.
In other news I told my boss I am going to jail. She gave me that look. I said well I don't know exactly for how long, or when...but the next time that Asian guy gets on my metro-train and sings a hymn...I'm bound to snap.
I think I enjoy this. The sick sick truth exposed, but while I'm tired I always feel like I have something important to do. It's not a choice, it's a mission. I've pushed aside love, lovers, friends, family, my physical and mental health, all for this...study of law? Push to get grades? In my mind, not matter how often I joke that I choose to do this and could quit, it's not an option. I think if I ever believed for a moment that it was optional that I'd quit. Law school is like a long drawn-out version of "gimmie one more rep."
I'm slow. Many of my classmates do far more in far less time. I catch up with them through sheer force of will. I'm the boxer who wins the fight through heart rather than skill. I can't possibly win, but I refuse to go down.
There are crumbs on the counter. Last night I pushed last week's dry laundry to the side to hang new laundry. I can see debris on the floor, and don't even know where the vacuum is - probably helping dry something black. The bathroom floor is covered with black lint. Books and paper form a nest around my chair.
In other news I told my boss I am going to jail. She gave me that look. I said well I don't know exactly for how long, or when...but the next time that Asian guy gets on my metro-train and sings a hymn...I'm bound to snap.
