(no subject)
Nov. 12th, 2003 08:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzI love you. I haven’t met you yet, but my love for you grows in your absence. I know what you look like on a scale of 1 to 10. I know what music you like. I know your education level and gpa. I know how often you work out, how fast you run 1 and 3 miles, what kind of weight you lift and the faces you make when you do. I know your financial standing and credit rating. I know the generalities of your family background. I’ve met your parents. Sometimes I know your race, I’m sure of your gender. I know what you do for a living. I know what you like to do. I know the kind of sex we have. I know how we sit on the couch. It’s all said and done. I’m a little surprised it’s taken so long to meet you. I’ve turned down many people waiting for us to happen. I’ve given up opportunities, and avoided mistakes. I’ve prepared, as have you. Everything with us is spontaneous. /rant
Sometimes I think I have more expectations in sig others than I should. “When you find the same problems with a diverse group of people, the only consistency is you - so something about you is the problem.” Other times I think it is sad that no one ever seems like what/who I want. Having what you want in mind makes it hard to recognize something good when you face it, or something bad. It’s funny that so many people go out and find someone based on their expectations, and go through all the motions only to figure out after literally years that they don’t love their ‘one.’ Lots of houses and cars to make up for all that. Expectations are funny – arranged marriages last longer than romantic ones. Perhaps hoping for comfort, for a friendship, for a logical arrangement is more likely to deliver the expectation than that rose crap. I can buy roses for $3 or $50 - and none of them say or mean love. Roses = “Sorry I fucked someone else, but I still want to stick with you for a bit.” I do have one expectation that is always there, just based on the fact that my favorite relationships have always been mixed with very good friendships. Love isn’t roses, it’s emptying the dishwasher.
I know how to look good, I know how to present. I even have an interest in presenting, in impressing, or at least in not creeping people out. I do that for periods of time, impress, maintain, maneuver. Ultimately I prefer to be weird, not to be untrue to who I am but to express the negative aspects, the odd parts. I wish more people would just be themselves, even if that self happens to be multi-faceted.
Stoic…I love that. Men, love them. Why in the hell would someone want to waste their time with someone so immature that they simply subverted their emotions to try and look strong? How incredibly weak and immature strong men are.
True to one of me
I won’t pretend not to be aware of the bizarre impressions I cast with these writings. I enjoy taking viewpoints and seeing where they go. I find the trips interesting. I don’t always mean what I say, how harsh I am. I also realize because it is I that takes them, that is creating or observing them, that they are a reflection of me. I joke and exaggerate, yet it is still just more fodder of what…attention mongering for negative attention? Well, if I don’t interest anyone I’ve had fun writing. If it’s not positive information, then I’ll take satisfaction in giving people a feeling of discomfort. I’ll go down to the bog and warm my feet.
I like to express things, I like to talk about things that are highly inappropriate. I like talking about race, sex, religion. I like talking about the opinions I have, right and wrong, to help form them and express what other people occasionally think but rarely say. It’s not good to go around spouting hate, but the fear of expressing opinions seems to be doing some damage and keeping cultures from sharing with one another, living comfortably with each other.
It’s official - this rant has lost any hope or sense of direction. Carry on.
Sometimes I think I have more expectations in sig others than I should. “When you find the same problems with a diverse group of people, the only consistency is you - so something about you is the problem.” Other times I think it is sad that no one ever seems like what/who I want. Having what you want in mind makes it hard to recognize something good when you face it, or something bad. It’s funny that so many people go out and find someone based on their expectations, and go through all the motions only to figure out after literally years that they don’t love their ‘one.’ Lots of houses and cars to make up for all that. Expectations are funny – arranged marriages last longer than romantic ones. Perhaps hoping for comfort, for a friendship, for a logical arrangement is more likely to deliver the expectation than that rose crap. I can buy roses for $3 or $50 - and none of them say or mean love. Roses = “Sorry I fucked someone else, but I still want to stick with you for a bit.” I do have one expectation that is always there, just based on the fact that my favorite relationships have always been mixed with very good friendships. Love isn’t roses, it’s emptying the dishwasher.
I know how to look good, I know how to present. I even have an interest in presenting, in impressing, or at least in not creeping people out. I do that for periods of time, impress, maintain, maneuver. Ultimately I prefer to be weird, not to be untrue to who I am but to express the negative aspects, the odd parts. I wish more people would just be themselves, even if that self happens to be multi-faceted.
Stoic…I love that. Men, love them. Why in the hell would someone want to waste their time with someone so immature that they simply subverted their emotions to try and look strong? How incredibly weak and immature strong men are.
True to one of me
I won’t pretend not to be aware of the bizarre impressions I cast with these writings. I enjoy taking viewpoints and seeing where they go. I find the trips interesting. I don’t always mean what I say, how harsh I am. I also realize because it is I that takes them, that is creating or observing them, that they are a reflection of me. I joke and exaggerate, yet it is still just more fodder of what…attention mongering for negative attention? Well, if I don’t interest anyone I’ve had fun writing. If it’s not positive information, then I’ll take satisfaction in giving people a feeling of discomfort. I’ll go down to the bog and warm my feet.
I like to express things, I like to talk about things that are highly inappropriate. I like talking about race, sex, religion. I like talking about the opinions I have, right and wrong, to help form them and express what other people occasionally think but rarely say. It’s not good to go around spouting hate, but the fear of expressing opinions seems to be doing some damage and keeping cultures from sharing with one another, living comfortably with each other.
It’s official - this rant has lost any hope or sense of direction. Carry on.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
streaming...
Date: 2003-11-12 05:43 am (UTC)Hell, no one forces them to read or comment.
I also think you find more sides to a view or issues as you elaborate them in text...which is far more than many of the angst-o-grams and "whinings" in LJ do. (yes, my own included.)
no subject
Date: 2003-11-12 07:05 am (UTC)-S
no subject
Date: 2003-11-12 10:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-12 07:33 am (UTC)I like to hear you talk (hmm...not really talking here, huh? well inside my head this write/read thing can be summed up as 'talk'). Sometimes what you say strikes me as a bit excessive. But I still want for you to say it.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-12 10:30 am (UTC)Yeah, though sometimes I honestly mean the excessive things. My lack of respect is often quite genuine, though I'm pretty respectful of people in general. I just have this issue where I know THEY'RE WRONG mua ha ha!