On the other hand, stress

[vicarz]

I woke up to my alarm for the first time in about a year today. I'm tired all day, dozing off...but at night I can't sleep. I wake up at any sound, not just the chorus of drunken frat boys. I chill before bed, sometimes for over an hour, but still sleep escapes me when it's appropriate. If the metro ran all night I'd be set - I can't stay awake on there to save my life.

I'm gaining weight - the actual fat kind, the kind you get when you eat to relieve stress (not an effective technique). When I do go to the gym, the amount of energy I have is bordering on unhealthy. Me, frustrated? Lifting, punching bags and pads, drinking, dancing...all these silly pointless things seem stupid until I start to do them. Then I find the feelings they produce outweigh any previous notions of priorities.

I've given up any mission towards maturity at this point - I have too many real logistical issues to ponder the best possible fucking human I can be. I'm thinking of learning just enough law to figure out how I can beat the hell out of people and still not get arrested. Grr!

Now when I lift I think I spend more time shadow-boxing between sets than stretching. I know I look assinine, I have just stopped caring. I'm just about at the point of the wearing brown socks with sandals point of not caring what I look like. I'm also in a constant state bordering on yelling FUCK YOU and hitting. You can tell by the smile on my face. Duck, half-smile, shift your weight while you hand brushes your cheek. Do we ever outgrow 17? I think maturity may just be a grandiose term describing the fact that with practice you can tolerate more abuse.

Yes, I'm exaggerating. I also write complete BS to relieve stress - so sue me. Love me, love my Napoleon complex...

Comments

[rilesrilesriles.livejournal.com]

i like you.

Just what are you doing with that hand?

[grymnir.livejournal.com]

I don't see it as a Napoleon complex from what you say.

For my part today is one of 6 in the past month that's I've actually gotten up when the alarm went off rather than sleeping through it or turning it off, in a daze, and going back to bed. I don't know that it is stress per se, but you may have a point there. I can't seem to get to sleeep before 1:30, no matter how hard I try...and what I do before bed. Regardless, I am due in the office by 7-7:30...and morning study is a good idea much of the time. (damned Foucault!)

The aggression factor: I haven't had the energy to do my standard workout when I make it to the gym - now only 4 times a week. I do have images of wandering the halls with a gladius in hand and hacking down the fools I see...there are times I can almost feel the sword in the hand...sigh.

(is it stress, frustration, or are you questing the direction and efficacy of the path you are pursuing?)

Perhaps it is a lack of time to allow the mind to absorb the different, concentrated, threads you're following?

I can sleep

[littlekitty78.livejournal.com]

I can sleep at night, but I can't enough of it. I woke this morning @ 3am and went back to sleep at 5am. When I finally did get up it was at 6am and I was tired as hell.

[loachie.livejournal.com]

I think maturity may just be a grandiose term describing the fact that with practice you can tolerate more abuse.

This is officially my favorite line of the day. Also, apparently I suck at tolerating abuse.

[lilu22.livejournal.com]

I think you just need to get laid.