An answer to contemplation with clarity
Oct. 10th, 2003 07:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzSince this is too long to grandstand in kelowna's LJ:
On the side of understanding why people turn against people they don't know:
Cognitive dissonance is a bitch. People find it uncomfortable to like or even to not dislike their friend’s enemies.
In some cases there are perfectly legitimate reasons to dislike someone you don’t know. If you have a friend you care about and trust, who is an honest and reliable source of information, it may be perfectly acceptable to blow someone off based on their information. ‘So and so raped me’ would be a perfect example as a reason to blow someone off w/o even talking to them. On the other hand, it might also be a perfect counter-example as an area where there can be confusion and different perspectives.
Still, it’s sad what people take as excuses to call someone an enemy. Many of the ‘hates’ I’m seeing are based on
• jealousy over looks,
• jealousy over scene status,
• jealousy over friends,
• jealousy over any number of slights that don’t require you to do a thing to actually hurt the person that declares you the source of their pain,
• anger over ex’s,
• and in some recent horribly sick cases anger that the person in question didn’t pick them over someone else during the last ‘I won’t be your friend if you talk to them’ war.
The people themselves: some people are really nice until they get some of what they perceive to be ‘scene status.’ Then you find out that they didn’t dislike the popular people in middle-school; they envied them. They weren’t complaining about the system that discriminated against them; they just didn’t like their rank. This is why I have no interest in 'goth prom' or any other 'let's make up for high school' event. I've moved on.
I think everyone should be popular and/or pretty - or better yet believe that somehow, despite all logic and experience to the contrary, they have _become_ pretty and/or popular. That’s a good time to see who they really are - are they nice because they are nice, or because they feel they have to be? Do they turn their newfound illusion of attractiveness into a club to wield indiscriminately bashing those beneath them, or do they try to use their ‘power’ to do some good?
The mean thing to point out is that anyone in club land can throw on a wild outfit and get attention. Anyone can work at making a night, DJing, flyering, posting on freaky-places...anyone that spends the time fighting up that ladder will eventually get some rank. That's what is good and bad about the scene. Why these idiots then start to actually believe they _are_ pretty is beyond me. Er, have you changed? Do people find you attractive when you actually show your face and body? Do strangers find you attractive? Do people even notice you when you're not dressed to shock? Do your friends really like you? Do people talk to you about real things? Do the people that offer you condolences really care about your feelings, or do they just go through the motions? Who can you count on if you really need something?
These questions don't yield happy answers for the climbers.
kelowna's LJ:On the side of understanding why people turn against people they don't know:
Cognitive dissonance is a bitch. People find it uncomfortable to like or even to not dislike their friend’s enemies.
In some cases there are perfectly legitimate reasons to dislike someone you don’t know. If you have a friend you care about and trust, who is an honest and reliable source of information, it may be perfectly acceptable to blow someone off based on their information. ‘So and so raped me’ would be a perfect example as a reason to blow someone off w/o even talking to them. On the other hand, it might also be a perfect counter-example as an area where there can be confusion and different perspectives.
Still, it’s sad what people take as excuses to call someone an enemy. Many of the ‘hates’ I’m seeing are based on
• jealousy over looks,
• jealousy over scene status,
• jealousy over friends,
• jealousy over any number of slights that don’t require you to do a thing to actually hurt the person that declares you the source of their pain,
• anger over ex’s,
• and in some recent horribly sick cases anger that the person in question didn’t pick them over someone else during the last ‘I won’t be your friend if you talk to them’ war.
The people themselves: some people are really nice until they get some of what they perceive to be ‘scene status.’ Then you find out that they didn’t dislike the popular people in middle-school; they envied them. They weren’t complaining about the system that discriminated against them; they just didn’t like their rank. This is why I have no interest in 'goth prom' or any other 'let's make up for high school' event. I've moved on.
I think everyone should be popular and/or pretty - or better yet believe that somehow, despite all logic and experience to the contrary, they have _become_ pretty and/or popular. That’s a good time to see who they really are - are they nice because they are nice, or because they feel they have to be? Do they turn their newfound illusion of attractiveness into a club to wield indiscriminately bashing those beneath them, or do they try to use their ‘power’ to do some good?
The mean thing to point out is that anyone in club land can throw on a wild outfit and get attention. Anyone can work at making a night, DJing, flyering, posting on freaky-places...anyone that spends the time fighting up that ladder will eventually get some rank. That's what is good and bad about the scene. Why these idiots then start to actually believe they _are_ pretty is beyond me. Er, have you changed? Do people find you attractive when you actually show your face and body? Do strangers find you attractive? Do people even notice you when you're not dressed to shock? Do your friends really like you? Do people talk to you about real things? Do the people that offer you condolences really care about your feelings, or do they just go through the motions? Who can you count on if you really need something?
These questions don't yield happy answers for the climbers.
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Date: 2003-10-10 07:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-10 11:37 am (UTC)--kelowna