vicarz | (no subject)

Some Jackass at work asked me why I didn’t just go straight to school and study until class instead of going home after work as I do. He pointed out the amount of time I spent on the metro, at lunch, and going home before class started to either collapse or have diner. He saw no sense to the idea that I got off work, went to school at 6, and complained about my lack of time. I tried to explain the concept of physical and mental exhaustion to him to no avail (he fucks with me for entertainment – likes the challenge of a good debate). His idea was that I should stay and do his interrogatories rather than play ‘Cinderella.’

I remember looking over my old exams from grad school and seeing how bad my answers were, and realized I could have done better. I thought I must have been immature, lazy, or less experienced at that time. Now I realize I may have been as burnt out then as I am now. It's easy to look at the information later when you are well rested and haven't been trying absorb chapters a day for months at a time!

I know I could do better now, study more, focus more, sacrifice more. I could do better than I am ‘shooting for.’ I still hit a club once a week, sometimes a party. I still play video games, watch cartoons. I am, however, tired. I’m facing burn out. I spend time studying where I learn nothing. I’ve learned to make breaks, to take naps, to hit the gym even when I don’t have time. I’m learning that working too hard is as irresponsible for me as wasting my time. Resting is not wasting time. I’m not sure what my balance is. I know it’s changing – I’m getting more stamina as the semester progresses.

There are people here working harder than I am both in school and in their studies. I’m as amazed by their efforts as the day students are by mine.