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Jan. 2nd, 2017 08:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzI hate end of the year reflections like any other holiday, though it's less offensive without a religious backdrop. But why today vs. another?
I will say this is the first year in a long time I haven't been looking forward to the new year. Between news of terror attacks, foreign aggressive powers for gain, and a clown car of anti-government activists put in charge of government agencies...things look as awful as during reagan or bushes.
But I'm doing great. All those years of hard work and sacrifice are paying off - everywhere. My investments are ok. I live in my house and am really liking it - seemingly more every day. The finances aren't done yet / the old place isn't rented, but it's imaginable that it will be. Heck my physical abilities are decent after years of this lifting things. The girl and I are comfortable but not bored of each other.
It's strange to be happy about me and sad about everything else. I guess someday I'll miss breathing without masks, water without filters, and exterminating the food rioters.
I'm feeling old because I'm old. I'm perhaps peak for my age, education, and this industrialized world I live in, but seeing physical changes is saddening. I found a long eyebrow hair - death.
Had an odd experience the other day where we had a happy hour in an unresearched place - turned out to be a watering hole near a hockey game that was just starting. It was annoying, loud, and not ideal for our happy hour group - but curiously I didn't even think until later that I never felt "threatened." Sportsball fans always make my hair stand on end, call it perceived middle-school jock trauma. Last night we ate in a casual place staffed and attended by suburban white high-school jocks. I mean it sounds odd to say, but gee at 48 I'm over it. Only 30 years and I've moved on? I'm glad not to feel threatened, but I have this little tickle in the back of my mind: how different are kids today (in all those jocks, nobody was being a douchebag), how different am I, and how annoying was I back then / what was my role? But as a 48 year old man, I don't much.
I can hear rain falling on my skylights.
I will say this is the first year in a long time I haven't been looking forward to the new year. Between news of terror attacks, foreign aggressive powers for gain, and a clown car of anti-government activists put in charge of government agencies...things look as awful as during reagan or bushes.
But I'm doing great. All those years of hard work and sacrifice are paying off - everywhere. My investments are ok. I live in my house and am really liking it - seemingly more every day. The finances aren't done yet / the old place isn't rented, but it's imaginable that it will be. Heck my physical abilities are decent after years of this lifting things. The girl and I are comfortable but not bored of each other.
It's strange to be happy about me and sad about everything else. I guess someday I'll miss breathing without masks, water without filters, and exterminating the food rioters.
I'm feeling old because I'm old. I'm perhaps peak for my age, education, and this industrialized world I live in, but seeing physical changes is saddening. I found a long eyebrow hair - death.
Had an odd experience the other day where we had a happy hour in an unresearched place - turned out to be a watering hole near a hockey game that was just starting. It was annoying, loud, and not ideal for our happy hour group - but curiously I didn't even think until later that I never felt "threatened." Sportsball fans always make my hair stand on end, call it perceived middle-school jock trauma. Last night we ate in a casual place staffed and attended by suburban white high-school jocks. I mean it sounds odd to say, but gee at 48 I'm over it. Only 30 years and I've moved on? I'm glad not to feel threatened, but I have this little tickle in the back of my mind: how different are kids today (in all those jocks, nobody was being a douchebag), how different am I, and how annoying was I back then / what was my role? But as a 48 year old man, I don't much.
I can hear rain falling on my skylights.
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Date: 2017-01-02 06:19 pm (UTC)Same. It's cold comfort to know we won't be among the first ones down. Who wants to be there for the endgame?
Sportsball fans always make my hair stand on end, call it perceived middle-school jock trauma.
Same. Plus the added wrinkle of still (sometimes) thinking they're hot and being worried they'll pick up on it.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-02 10:18 pm (UTC)Back then I was convincing myself I wasn't gay, just (insert implausible thing that made masturbation possible here) until I came to grips over time.
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Date: 2017-01-03 02:07 am (UTC)