Or I'm just drunk
Dec. 25th, 2014 10:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzI've locked down the last couple years - not super locked, just friends only. I think I'll change it back in time.
I have a friend. She was a distant friend, part of a group of friends I was excited to make. The ones, frankly, I was closer with fell out with me - but this one friend stuck it out. I thought, assumed, she threw me out as the others did. I met her at parties, and she was as friendly as ever - it took me moments to catch up. She didn't adopt her friends' opinions as her own. In turn I didn't reject her when the friends in common became not friends. Her actions over time won me over - I felt I could trust her based on how she acted even when I was out of favor (and she noted I hadn't done anything wrong to people, nor did I seem to be hurting others - but without countering anything her friends said).
Over the years we got to be better friends. Much. She was with me through a horrible breakup and the death of my father - she probably saw me at my worst. She noticed that at my worst I held things in check - there were limits. And when I say that, I note...we drank. We drank a lot. Even so, I kept secrets - even of people I hated. I had standards that I kept when many argued I had no obligations (sometimes she argued this point). She shared her secrets with me - she knew I kept them.
A friend of hers and I met. I don't know how much my friend nudged, but I know she encouraged both of us. Now we're together, committed and together, though it was a ROUGH start. So now my girlfriend says I'm rare. I've heard this from a few people lately. The girlfriend is also rare - I don't really understand why she talks to me at all, but I've stopped questioning how this mistake happened and am determined to take full advantage of it. I'm going to make myself worth her time before she wakes up.
Let's assume I am rare, a decent person. If that's rare, then in turn I think I've met some rare people - good people. I'm in a relationship, one that looks really good. The only reason I'm there is because I was decent to a bunch of good and even shitty people - because I tried to be good (I didn't succeed 100%, let me be clear). Some people felt I was ok, and was so over time under less than ideal circumstances. I met people and besides being who I am, acting as I do, I sort of carried a reputation over many years of how I treated others. So I think I'm with someone fantastic right now, and am trying to build and earn their trust. The only reason I think I have that chance is because I tried to be a decent person over a long period of time and others noticed.
I guess what I'm saying is you have to be what you might want in a partner. That old cliche you can't be happy with someone else until you're happy with yourself? True, but being decent to others may also effect how many chances you get to be treated different yourself.
I have a friend. She was a distant friend, part of a group of friends I was excited to make. The ones, frankly, I was closer with fell out with me - but this one friend stuck it out. I thought, assumed, she threw me out as the others did. I met her at parties, and she was as friendly as ever - it took me moments to catch up. She didn't adopt her friends' opinions as her own. In turn I didn't reject her when the friends in common became not friends. Her actions over time won me over - I felt I could trust her based on how she acted even when I was out of favor (and she noted I hadn't done anything wrong to people, nor did I seem to be hurting others - but without countering anything her friends said).
Over the years we got to be better friends. Much. She was with me through a horrible breakup and the death of my father - she probably saw me at my worst. She noticed that at my worst I held things in check - there were limits. And when I say that, I note...we drank. We drank a lot. Even so, I kept secrets - even of people I hated. I had standards that I kept when many argued I had no obligations (sometimes she argued this point). She shared her secrets with me - she knew I kept them.
A friend of hers and I met. I don't know how much my friend nudged, but I know she encouraged both of us. Now we're together, committed and together, though it was a ROUGH start. So now my girlfriend says I'm rare. I've heard this from a few people lately. The girlfriend is also rare - I don't really understand why she talks to me at all, but I've stopped questioning how this mistake happened and am determined to take full advantage of it. I'm going to make myself worth her time before she wakes up.
Let's assume I am rare, a decent person. If that's rare, then in turn I think I've met some rare people - good people. I'm in a relationship, one that looks really good. The only reason I'm there is because I was decent to a bunch of good and even shitty people - because I tried to be good (I didn't succeed 100%, let me be clear). Some people felt I was ok, and was so over time under less than ideal circumstances. I met people and besides being who I am, acting as I do, I sort of carried a reputation over many years of how I treated others. So I think I'm with someone fantastic right now, and am trying to build and earn their trust. The only reason I think I have that chance is because I tried to be a decent person over a long period of time and others noticed.
I guess what I'm saying is you have to be what you might want in a partner. That old cliche you can't be happy with someone else until you're happy with yourself? True, but being decent to others may also effect how many chances you get to be treated different yourself.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2014-12-26 06:33 am (UTC)You might be lucky, too. When you find something like this, luck is always involved. Hard work, commitment to certain values, yes. But luck, certainly.
I need to start being a better person. I'm not even sure how close to decent I am. Is it too late to bother?
It's intense that you locked a couple of years worth of entries.
no subject
Date: 2014-12-26 06:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-12-26 11:39 am (UTC)Might be lucky too, good point.
I think you're decent - and hey, it took me until 46 to be this person. You're a nudge younger than 46...too late to bother? Honestly and sounding hokey - it's never too late to bother.
no subject
Date: 2014-12-26 03:07 pm (UTC)go you.
no subject
Date: 2014-12-26 03:40 pm (UTC)Probably won't happen before surgery, but I feel I should treat you to dc choco-goodness to make up for my sins
with completely different sins. Gluttony comes to mind.
Yay! José thinks I'm decent!
Date: 2014-12-26 03:49 pm (UTC)Re: Yay! José thinks I'm decent!
Date: 2014-12-26 03:58 pm (UTC)Yes, I've tried to be decent for ages. You have some friends you've known for years. Your posts span years and are honest. I mean you compost for the love of cheese - you're doing good things. I noticed you - you're noticeable. Um...don't stop improving and where you are is in part the work you did for decades already? Those graduate level degrees you're sporting?
Yes, anything worth doing takes a long time and is hard. I know, cliche but there it is.
Shit the holidays are DEPRESSING. My jaded evil fb posts are not by accident during the holidays; they're more a balance for the syrupy joy-posts liars blast to cover their insecurities. I try to let my sad folks know they're not alone...but that's another subject.
no subject
Date: 2014-12-27 12:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-12-27 08:56 pm (UTC)no sinners in the church of kobi. but we should meet up. :)
Re: Yay! José thinks I'm decent!
Date: 2014-12-27 10:14 pm (UTC)Re: Yay! José thinks I'm decent!
Date: 2014-12-27 10:21 pm (UTC)