I feel talky
Dec. 12th, 2014 07:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzI don't work today, though I'll sign in and keep up just because. I've used enough leave this week that I have no issue with putting hours in. I...meant to write here but can't remember why. So this may be a blurb of unrelated notes.
When you're hurt nothing else is of interest. I remember the line a bunch of old people talking about how their backs hurt - well yeah. When I'm sick I have to remind myself nobody cares about how much my head hurts, why I should't still be sick as if an argument would heal me, about how I might be able to travel on a trail of my own excreted mucus... It's now that I remember I should make an appointment to an ENT to find out if prior reviews of my broken nose perhaps missed something, as when I'm sick I get pressure right where it was broken, and I never seem to recover from simple stuffiness.
I keep meaning to put out a list of canada tidbits. I...felt restrained about talking about that experience, though I've been far more liberal and open in Sarah's journal. There were a few tidbits about canada - perhaps my favorite was race. So I ran into no real race talk, worry, fear, and greatly enjoyed it. I mean I walked away from work too, but
Mmm I have a witness list due 12/19/14, I need a reminder I can't miss as I already can't see the sticky I put on my monitor to that effect.
I just didn't hear the same volume of raceracerace as I do in the US. It wasn't a constant drum of one side or the perceived other (who is pro-racist that they're protesting against?) However I temper that with the fact canada is mighty...mixed but at least around where I was majority white. Maybe there is a certain tranquility with that. I was also in a gay mecca, a population not known for giving a caboose about race discrimination. The real question to me was how much race was a non-issue around me, vs. how much I didn't see around me. Could I simply create the same feeling here in the US? Was it simply a question of me putting down my own baggage; a trick I could do anywhere?
But the rest...I'm less hesitant to express now, but I just feel awful and writing is a chore, a task layered on not feeling good. I can think about writing as long as the coffee is hot, but now when the mug is cold I feel like being at the computer until I get out from under a blanket, then I only want to cocoon again. The tv could be a mindless time-and-pain-sucking drug, but no, without the power to block out commercials I keep seeing a man help santa to get a lexus, women singing about how much they love to clean, the drugs that can help salt-and-pepper haired men sex their fulfilled woman, the angsty but strong men who use certain liquors and fragrances, and the news...the news tells me the same frivolous stories over and over as if reassuring me we're still friends. Thank you for telling me about the highway, and by the way your breasts are enticing yet tastefully displayed this morning! Fuck I hate television. My kingdom for a movie I can sleep through.
When you're hurt nothing else is of interest. I remember the line a bunch of old people talking about how their backs hurt - well yeah. When I'm sick I have to remind myself nobody cares about how much my head hurts, why I should't still be sick as if an argument would heal me, about how I might be able to travel on a trail of my own excreted mucus... It's now that I remember I should make an appointment to an ENT to find out if prior reviews of my broken nose perhaps missed something, as when I'm sick I get pressure right where it was broken, and I never seem to recover from simple stuffiness.
I keep meaning to put out a list of canada tidbits. I...felt restrained about talking about that experience, though I've been far more liberal and open in Sarah's journal. There were a few tidbits about canada - perhaps my favorite was race. So I ran into no real race talk, worry, fear, and greatly enjoyed it. I mean I walked away from work too, but
Mmm I have a witness list due 12/19/14, I need a reminder I can't miss as I already can't see the sticky I put on my monitor to that effect.
I just didn't hear the same volume of raceracerace as I do in the US. It wasn't a constant drum of one side or the perceived other (who is pro-racist that they're protesting against?) However I temper that with the fact canada is mighty...mixed but at least around where I was majority white. Maybe there is a certain tranquility with that. I was also in a gay mecca, a population not known for giving a caboose about race discrimination. The real question to me was how much race was a non-issue around me, vs. how much I didn't see around me. Could I simply create the same feeling here in the US? Was it simply a question of me putting down my own baggage; a trick I could do anywhere?
But the rest...I'm less hesitant to express now, but I just feel awful and writing is a chore, a task layered on not feeling good. I can think about writing as long as the coffee is hot, but now when the mug is cold I feel like being at the computer until I get out from under a blanket, then I only want to cocoon again. The tv could be a mindless time-and-pain-sucking drug, but no, without the power to block out commercials I keep seeing a man help santa to get a lexus, women singing about how much they love to clean, the drugs that can help salt-and-pepper haired men sex their fulfilled woman, the angsty but strong men who use certain liquors and fragrances, and the news...the news tells me the same frivolous stories over and over as if reassuring me we're still friends. Thank you for telling me about the highway, and by the way your breasts are enticing yet tastefully displayed this morning! Fuck I hate television. My kingdom for a movie I can sleep through.
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LOL
Date: 2014-12-12 01:09 pm (UTC)Also, is that an icon for the work tree you secretly decorate??
Re: LOL
Date: 2014-12-12 01:11 pm (UTC)Re: LOL
Date: 2014-12-12 01:18 pm (UTC)I love that you got caught. And that your cop (work cop??) kept your secret.
Re: LOL
Date: 2014-12-12 01:29 pm (UTC)Re: LOL
Date: 2014-12-12 01:47 pm (UTC)Re: LOL
Date: 2014-12-12 02:01 pm (UTC)Re: LOL
Date: 2014-12-12 01:30 pm (UTC)I don't particularly like xmas but I do have fond fuzzy memories of it, and ... when it doesn't feel like a xtian assault, I like the community aspect of a shared holiday.
The cop is fun, Kip the gay cop, whom my old club friends new, is an openly gay cop (or an officer now) who also heads the gay-les etc. liaison group with the Arlington County po-po. He's really cool too, a low key guy who prefers to nudge rather than shove. Also, the dog he was walking is a rescue dog!
Re: LOL
Date: 2014-12-12 01:31 pm (UTC)Oh, a tree outside! Yes, I could do that, too.
Re: LOL
Date: 2014-12-12 01:46 pm (UTC)Oh this is the best xmas special ever...
Re: LOL
Date: 2014-12-12 01:59 pm (UTC)Re: LOL
Date: 2014-12-12 02:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-12-12 01:14 pm (UTC)When I've visited other countries for extended periods, I've enjoyed the feeling that I'm not a citizen of the country, but a citizen of the world. Here in the US we are so much about our internal conflicts (race, sex, sexuality, economic inequality) and our external conflicts (terrorists, Russia, terrorists, terrorists).
There are conflicts in every country, but while visiting they don't feel like they belong to you, and you get to take a break from the home-country conflicts that do feel like they belong to you :-)
no subject
Date: 2014-12-12 01:25 pm (UTC)I was ashamed when recognized as USian, and generally apologetic when it came to US issues. We're so fucking rude.
One of my favorite shirts, which I meant to wear through customs, says "Domestic Expatriate."
no subject
Date: 2014-12-14 02:11 am (UTC)So, right now I'm intoxicated and taking a break from Daddy K's abuses and charms, but I will find a way to exchange text message numbers with you and stuff.
But, so much socializing already this month! :-) Are you free Xmas Eve to come to our house party?
no subject
Date: 2014-12-14 02:11 am (UTC)