I want to you all until
Oct. 4th, 2014 09:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzIt's a bit true: I want to kiss everyone. I want to kiss everyone I dated in the past with whom we've expressed respectful reserved affections while I was not available (and many of them were and are not). But I want to kiss them. All. I want to kiss everyone I didn't kiss. I want to hug in the way our whole bodies touch and lips rest on the neck.
Well I probably would also want to slither in a slimy alien pit of all my wants, ex's, and a bunch of friends, writhing in a big alien sex ball of sexing. However there is this issue of parasitic life form exchange that keeps me from even thinking of that fantasy.
I also disappoint when I express this sort of thing. It's lesson I have a hard time with, that if you express affections too much you diminish the affections you do share. I remember that guy who was my screening device: if I saw a girl I was interested in with him, in any way, I wrote them off because they could not possibly express affection to me. He was such a creep to me that if someone could be attracted to (or put up with) him it meant their attraction to me meant nothing. Yes this was snobby and hypocritical, but it's how I fucking felt. Still do.
So this is probably a healthy feeling. I don't think it's "sow my (Hall &) Oats" but a natural expression of freedom after being contained for so long. It's like I recovered from diabetes and know where the candy isle is.
It also highly like means it will be followed by a crash. I'll either kiss people and get hurt, or kiss people who get hurt which in turn hurts me, and then feel horrible and guilt ridden. Or nobody will kiss me and I'll feel ugly wondering why I have to be so unappealing and unlovable. It may or may not be rational, but what I feel is unquestionably a high and the odds of a plateau vs. a crash are not good.
Pulling bodies together, shoulders then hips, and a hand on the small of the waist. A hand on the side of the neck.
I should probably get tipsy and go dance somewhere I don't know anyone.
And stay alone all sexy with my own sexy self.
Well I probably would also want to slither in a slimy alien pit of all my wants, ex's, and a bunch of friends, writhing in a big alien sex ball of sexing. However there is this issue of parasitic life form exchange that keeps me from even thinking of that fantasy.
I also disappoint when I express this sort of thing. It's lesson I have a hard time with, that if you express affections too much you diminish the affections you do share. I remember that guy who was my screening device: if I saw a girl I was interested in with him, in any way, I wrote them off because they could not possibly express affection to me. He was such a creep to me that if someone could be attracted to (or put up with) him it meant their attraction to me meant nothing. Yes this was snobby and hypocritical, but it's how I fucking felt. Still do.
So this is probably a healthy feeling. I don't think it's "sow my (Hall &) Oats" but a natural expression of freedom after being contained for so long. It's like I recovered from diabetes and know where the candy isle is.
It also highly like means it will be followed by a crash. I'll either kiss people and get hurt, or kiss people who get hurt which in turn hurts me, and then feel horrible and guilt ridden. Or nobody will kiss me and I'll feel ugly wondering why I have to be so unappealing and unlovable. It may or may not be rational, but what I feel is unquestionably a high and the odds of a plateau vs. a crash are not good.
Pulling bodies together, shoulders then hips, and a hand on the small of the waist. A hand on the side of the neck.
I should probably get tipsy and go dance somewhere I don't know anyone.
And stay alone all sexy with my own sexy self.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2014-10-04 07:34 pm (UTC)possibly creepy but mostly sweet dad resonance
Date: 2014-10-04 08:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-10-05 01:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-10-05 05:18 pm (UTC)I want to hug in the way our whole bodies touch and lips rest on the neck.
and
Pulling bodies together, shoulders then hips, and a hand on the small of the waist. A hand on the side of the neck.
no subject
Date: 2014-10-05 09:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-10-05 09:37 pm (UTC)