(no subject)

[vicarz]

It is and I am quiet. I feel guilt over unproductive time.

I might be in trouble at work - far more likely I witnessed events related to someone else in trouble, but I've been asked to have an investigatory interview with someone very high up in the organization, and in a different organization, what is when we do when someone is in trouble. I can't think of anything I've done, except perhaps use the internet? I don't think I use that "too much" but you never know - performance metrics often include discipline taken, our computer activity can be recorded in many ways, and objective cases make for easy documentation. I think it's far more likely someone I know from the discipline group or our own group is in trouble. In fact, I heard an unsupported theory that me and the recluse are being interviewed and it might be about my just-left coworker (the first one, not the one from yesterday). That would make sense as I know she filed complaints on her way out the door. Sadly, as much as I like her, I knew her story and didn't agree 100% with her side (nothing spectacular: she didn't have specific permission to work, did so out of loyalty but without specific permission, then her request to have her use-or-lose leave restored was denied).

However a bunch of us blew up when 2nd level sup was in charge; that's when I started job hunting and when both the black females who just left started their job hunt. I'm better with him now, but would be honest in my responses. I don't know of any misconduct but he certainly has flaws - none seem actionable though, and there are positives as well. My work-buddy is raising a stink but I don't think I know enough about that to be of any help to anyone.

So far as I know I don't do any misconduct; the only issue could be computer use. However, I think I keep it down plus I am aware of our computer reasonable use policies so...meh? Lots of people goof off all day, but they generally have iphones (it sounds like a forest in the office with all the IM notifications CHIRP BEEP DRIP RIBBIT). It's funny though - I'm not immune to the prosecution of misconduct, though I am certainly versed in it. It didn't even occur to me it might be me - I'd rather not have a permanent record of misconduct, and fed workers do have forever records. Low chance high stakes? I won't know until (a week from Monday?)

Today I work out. Part of me thinks the working out is temporary. More and more people are noticing "I'm bigger." I'm also fatter but nobody seems to mind - including me, though I make fun of it and wish my pants fit. It's funny to me I might need to go up a size in underwear as my ass is far more muscular and rocklike. But...I don't think this hour or two workout routine is forever. I'm in pain all the time, eating for the gym...then again what else do I do with that time?

Normally I'm scared of this workout, but since I've built up my sugars for anaerobic prowler pulls I'm less terrified of the pain. I'm also not scared of failure - I'm used to it. See I had a shoulder problem that really slowed me down on bench - I think I've worked through most of it, and found I was far stronger pushing the heavy weight up when I wasn't just fighting the pain to make it happen (this sounds obvious to some I'm sure). With my deadlifts I've worked around my broken ass; this week I tried to do a conventional deadlift and the screaming pain returned instantly. More than half my effort on squats is just trying to not be in pain, making me go slow, lean off-center, and other issues that all are effort spent not trying to lift the weight. Imagine standing up (with 200-300 lbs on your back) without pain. It's making surgery sound like a better idea.

I also am more aware that the butt pain is in my everyday life too. On the stairs, picking up a box, standing up from a chair or the floor - I have a lot of behaviors that are so routine I don't see them anymore, like bracing on my knee to use my arm strength rather than just standing.

I'm considering pro-bono work, perhaps working with disadvantaged communities. I don't think I'm qualified, don't know a thing about criminal or tax/debt law, but have found a lot of legal questions turn out to have the same general answers: read what you sign, keep records, organize records so you can find things, and helping people see out of their self-forgiving story to understand the other side or what actions they need to take.

Comments

[wantedonvoyage.livejournal.com]

Ugh on the chronic pain screwing with your lift. I noticed recently that the left elbow does NOT like the way i was doing pullups (was trying mixed-grip at the time) and general aches stay with me longer.

Even though I feel like i have less fat in general I am also bigger, not wanting to go up ANOTHER pants size.

After all my eye shit I had to reconcile the fact that I just can't lift like that anymore... sux big time, and I detest running (although I will still do intervals now and then when there's no other option. I am hoping that paddling all summer and swimming as much as possible all winter will make a difference.

Interesting about the at-work intrigue... it seems douchey that they tell you SOMETHING is up but not whether it's about you or not.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Hey nothing says hurt and screw running like "the prowler!"
(if that's an option)

[jadeejf.livejournal.com]

I hope that work meeting goes well. For me, it's never what I anticipate (although the last time I got called into a meeting like that, it was worse - I thought they were going to tell me they were letting one of my managers go, but it turns out they were letting her go as well as another coworker and myself - I think i got to be the sacrificial lamb since last time they'd let someone go, they'd gotten hit with an ageism lawsuit that got settled; and in this case, both of the other women let go were in their 50s, but hey, not me, so obviously there's no ageism here!).

[seaopaque.livejournal.com]

LOL: (it sounds like a forest in the office with all the IM notifications CHIRP BEEP DRIP RIBBIT).

Dude, the paragraphs about working out and pain are full of alarm bells and I'm happy to hear it might all be temporary. What if working out was about acknowledging your pain and the way your body fits together and getting stronger within that framework, instead of building up your body around the pain? I'm still against surgery. I think surgery is what modern day man is doing so he can continue to be king of fuck mountain without paying attention to what his god-given body is telling him. Just because you can get a new labia doesn't mean you should.

I'll send you my newest pair of pants. I had a skinny day and they don't reallly fit. 31, so you can grow into them (although the ass might be a problem...).

[vicar.livejournal.com]

ASS (problem?)

Well I actually feel the pain in minor ways throughout the day but I'm so used to growth pain I don't mind.

Cray-cray

[seaopaque.livejournal.com]

I keep meaning to ask about your cray-cray. What exactly is wrong with your head?

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Nothing really. I have feelings, sometimes based on things other times in my opinion wholly unjustified. Cray cray because...unrealistic, feelings without substance, immature.

[seaopaque.livejournal.com]

Hmph. I thought you were really crazy. With a diagnosis and everything. With this new info, my back gets up retroactively for your use of the word. Like you're appropriating my experience, and the experience of others who don't answer "nothing really" when asked what's wrong with them.

This is probably good. I like you a tiny bit less. Crushes are so burdensome!

[vicar.livejournal.com]

No, was diagnosed as a kid but only as ADHD and my parents refused any treatment (for which I'm grateful). Some years ago I was advised to counseling but declined. Sorry.