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Jan. 2nd, 2012 08:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzI'm in a good mood but just not into the yearly summary thing, though some of you have interesting ones. I hate the update memes though, yeesh. Do em if you like em, me-hate just means me-scroll.
I'm still kind of glowly that I benched 225. Now I'm going to address my fatness, slowly and with exceptions (beer is food). Basically me on a diet likely means just not eating all the cookies and cake as normally my diet is fairly responsible out of habit. My sin is 1 (or 2) pieces of candy after lunch and dinner. I'm going to keep 5/3/1 and havne't figured out what cardio to put in - I'm thinking of lameley just running a mile, then back up to 2, but not cross the ability to run more than 3 miles in 30 minutes on purpose unless I get that bug up my ass again. Sprints, damnit boy stop talking and do sprints.
I'm a nice kind of comfortable happy, but there is this little bug of alarmed wonder in me. It wonders why I'm not crazy now. I'm crazy. I'm red-flag fucking crazy. Back in law school when I was getting B's I was writing soliloquies about killing swaths of strangers from the society that didn't accept me. I know that was in me and likely still is. I mean I wasn't lumping full auto firepower in my closet or anything (of course I keep all my full-auto munitions and most body armors / larger explosives in a storage unit duh). Today I don't feel crazy, but thanks to eljay, my brain, and calendars I can see that it was not a long time ago that I was bordering on batshit. Stray dogs on the street avoided me because I so obviously radiated so much desperation. So, what's different? My job and personal life are going well - and this tends to be a momentum thing - when I'm happy and confident people like me, lots, and lots of people. So my happy tends to snowball, but so does my unhappy. Which is really me, the happy or the crazy? Am I ok but a fragile little egg of angst in danger of cracking forever, or am I getting stronger over time?
I don't actually care - it's just a mild curiosity fueled over a large mocha. I'm happy now. This sort of "I was crazy yesterday" is probably healthy - how many criminals or screaming nutjobs are just a few interventions or personal revelations from being good people we'd like to be around? How many good people today are one lump away from human garbage? This is why a fair and considerate criminal system is so important.
I'll be dieting now with a mild goal of a washboard (or really, just not lumpy naked, not at all) come warm weather. It's not a NY goal, rather I was on a push to finally reach my weightlifting goals. They're met, my god after years every goal I had is met, so I can expand a little. Met, yeah. Whew.
I'm still kind of glowly that I benched 225. Now I'm going to address my fatness, slowly and with exceptions (beer is food). Basically me on a diet likely means just not eating all the cookies and cake as normally my diet is fairly responsible out of habit. My sin is 1 (or 2) pieces of candy after lunch and dinner. I'm going to keep 5/3/1 and havne't figured out what cardio to put in - I'm thinking of lameley just running a mile, then back up to 2, but not cross the ability to run more than 3 miles in 30 minutes on purpose unless I get that bug up my ass again. Sprints, damnit boy stop talking and do sprints.
I'm a nice kind of comfortable happy, but there is this little bug of alarmed wonder in me. It wonders why I'm not crazy now. I'm crazy. I'm red-flag fucking crazy. Back in law school when I was getting B's I was writing soliloquies about killing swaths of strangers from the society that didn't accept me. I know that was in me and likely still is. I mean I wasn't lumping full auto firepower in my closet or anything (of course I keep all my full-auto munitions and most body armors / larger explosives in a storage unit duh). Today I don't feel crazy, but thanks to eljay, my brain, and calendars I can see that it was not a long time ago that I was bordering on batshit. Stray dogs on the street avoided me because I so obviously radiated so much desperation. So, what's different? My job and personal life are going well - and this tends to be a momentum thing - when I'm happy and confident people like me, lots, and lots of people. So my happy tends to snowball, but so does my unhappy. Which is really me, the happy or the crazy? Am I ok but a fragile little egg of angst in danger of cracking forever, or am I getting stronger over time?
I don't actually care - it's just a mild curiosity fueled over a large mocha. I'm happy now. This sort of "I was crazy yesterday" is probably healthy - how many criminals or screaming nutjobs are just a few interventions or personal revelations from being good people we'd like to be around? How many good people today are one lump away from human garbage? This is why a fair and considerate criminal system is so important.
I'll be dieting now with a mild goal of a washboard (or really, just not lumpy naked, not at all) come warm weather. It's not a NY goal, rather I was on a push to finally reach my weightlifting goals. They're met, my god after years every goal I had is met, so I can expand a little. Met, yeah. Whew.
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no subject
Date: 2012-01-02 03:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-02 04:18 pm (UTC)Best day this year:
Worst day this year:
Most looking forward to:
Favorite color:
Resolutions:
A conversation prompter. I wouldn't mind a nudge here and tehre, but when 20 people do the same 50 question list...heck I don't even read one 50 question response thing. It's just not possibly interesting.