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Fuck me or I'll do it myself!
Bullwinkle 2nd title: Nothing says love like the backside of a hairbrush
This morning as I sped to work 20 mph faster than average, I had to hold tight as I passed both a DC cop and the 295 speed trap camera, borderline late to work because when I woke up early it struck me as a good idea to boot both computers and do a den run in hell dif for diablo.
I need to get the hell out of here.
I am not socializing, and it's ok. My friends have been so for over a decade on average, and I can coast. I'm not sure why Janna still talks to me. When things are going well, I let them rest. I'm lazy, lazy in the gym, lazy with my diet, lazy with my friends, lazy with family, lazy cleaning the house, lazy with investments...it's only when things become a crisis that I snap into action and border on competent. For things like work and the gym, I trick myself into getting things done by making charts and lists that dictate inarguable schedules of action.
I should leave.
I should take that position in CA - although it represents a step backwards career-wise, and it's a way to coast in my work life compared to the challenges I have today, socially it would force me to be a better friend. It would get me out of the house. Sure I hang out with some friends, but more often than not I default to "one more baal run," watching BBC, or some book I already read - nothing gets done. I go nowhere.
If I had kids at 20-25 and they were now adult-ish, I'd be wondering "what next?" This should discount my idea today that I want kids. Really I can discount my every urge by isolating the source of it, from culture to laziness on my part.
If I kicked myself out of this area I wouldn't be able to coast socially anymore. It would hurt more to be alone, and without EFFORT I'd be alone more. I'd be making another chart, a schedule, for as isolation bugged me I'd have little choice but to go out, to engage, to do more things - anything, which might result in more social contact. With more contact and experience comes more learning, and more healthy habits (we hope). I would have tricked myself into a situation where growth was the only option. Hell, even if I failed my friends-for-over-ten-years would still be there if I ran home with my tail between my legs.
I should probably tag my entries. This one would be "actionless coffee rant"
This morning as I sped to work 20 mph faster than average, I had to hold tight as I passed both a DC cop and the 295 speed trap camera, borderline late to work because when I woke up early it struck me as a good idea to boot both computers and do a den run in hell dif for diablo.
I need to get the hell out of here.
I am not socializing, and it's ok. My friends have been so for over a decade on average, and I can coast. I'm not sure why Janna still talks to me. When things are going well, I let them rest. I'm lazy, lazy in the gym, lazy with my diet, lazy with my friends, lazy with family, lazy cleaning the house, lazy with investments...it's only when things become a crisis that I snap into action and border on competent. For things like work and the gym, I trick myself into getting things done by making charts and lists that dictate inarguable schedules of action.
I should leave.
I should take that position in CA - although it represents a step backwards career-wise, and it's a way to coast in my work life compared to the challenges I have today, socially it would force me to be a better friend. It would get me out of the house. Sure I hang out with some friends, but more often than not I default to "one more baal run," watching BBC, or some book I already read - nothing gets done. I go nowhere.
If I had kids at 20-25 and they were now adult-ish, I'd be wondering "what next?" This should discount my idea today that I want kids. Really I can discount my every urge by isolating the source of it, from culture to laziness on my part.
If I kicked myself out of this area I wouldn't be able to coast socially anymore. It would hurt more to be alone, and without EFFORT I'd be alone more. I'd be making another chart, a schedule, for as isolation bugged me I'd have little choice but to go out, to engage, to do more things - anything, which might result in more social contact. With more contact and experience comes more learning, and more healthy habits (we hope). I would have tricked myself into a situation where growth was the only option. Hell, even if I failed my friends-for-over-ten-years would still be there if I ran home with my tail between my legs.
I should probably tag my entries. This one would be "actionless coffee rant"
no subject
You are more social and gregarious than I am. You socialize (not schmooze) a bit better, and do mix in a wide variety of circles.
But...moving does not throw you out of complacency. Part of what you're grokking is that a number of your friends have become more sedentary; they've married, pair-bonded, shacked-up, or are on the next in their infinite sequence of serial-monogamy. Moving to anew city, especially in a new region and different time zone, will not make you any less likely to button up in a dungeon run.
Trust me. Please. I *could* say that WoW and Skypse became the cor of my social activities in Michigan, but that was only after I had tried and failed to find a connection with most of the people around me. The age difference mattered, but a more pressing issue was the failure to connect, even with the three other gamer/comics/SF geeks. End result: I stayed virtually tethered to my shrinking friend-base (see: marriage, kids, suddenly found Jesus/Cthulhu) and didn't push myself to go out more.
no...there is a difference. I was trying to meet people in a working-class town with a dash of college fuckwads and academics, in a depressed economy, during a recession. You'd be going to major city (right?) with a local underground scene, diverse sexualities and societies, and actual cultural activities available. Oh...but you have these here and have not exploited all those opportunities yet, in either DC or Baltimore, correct?
So the choice to contact, engage, and interact is all on you and the self-delusion is as beneath you as the wussy little "lazy" adjective with which you self-obfuscate. And no, not all "old friends" remain so; some develop different tastes or find they've fallen into a lifestyle that becomes an ever-deeper pit from which they venture not, but the excuses and bleating grow more strident and ridiculous.
no subject
Well, there is a good point that the opportunities are here in DC/Bmore and would again be in a major city. However, as I viewed the grass from the other side of the fence it's likely I'd return to the same patterns and problems.
I should also credit myself and my friends to being less hungry / full of need for affirmation so that relationships rightfully don't take as much energy.
no subject
Yeah, every time I've moved, I've taken me with me!
no subject