(no subject)

[vicarz]

I remember a stage where I went from having no friends to feeling like I had no friends to getting confused between friends and acquaintances then thinking lovers were friends. Somewhere in there was not caring with some mild regret. Today is trying to absorb for whether or how many friends I do or do not have that ultimately the responsibility is mine. While I value loyalty, somehow whatever makes up friends is something I don't seem to provide. Confusing the issue is the number of friends I have with busy lives and my own busy life. Still, there is something I don't provide as the phone, text, emails, and actual interaction in my friend life is fairly limited. I don't know who would _actually_ help me with the bodies. I am loyal to those I think have been loyal to me, but for others I have a genuine disinterest. I'm very quick to turn when betrayed - not sure if others do this or take abuse on the chin. I'm less interested in having friends than having friends I can trust. When was the last time I showed up on moving day?

I have the power of expression, if I do, because I write a lot and can type fast. This does not diminish the power or wisdom of those who cannot.