Drinking too much? Too little?

[vicarz]

Heard a female orgasm described as a cramp or a charlie-horse, with all the muscle contracting and squeezing harder, only instead of pain it's pleasure. You have to rub out a charlie horse...

I am sometimes ashamed that I've used alcohol to..."think." What is it I do when I drink, what is that effect I seek? Is it the shield of numb? Someone described alcohol as slowing down enough to see without analyzing the background as much - alcohol slows you down enough to draw the object to the forefront. I've been accused of having so much analytical thought processes racing (not smart, just fast on what I do) and so many HUGE DEFENSE MECHANISMS that booze might help me process things I might otherwise beat down in a fully conscious state.

Some people work things out in the gym, distracted but not, lights and sound swirling in a mass of people you don't talk to while you reel on endorphins, success, and/or failure.

I never really broke down why. I know sometimes in a club I can think about things I can't in other places - I abused that a few years ago. Moving...what...to the forefront.

I can address feelings drunk in a club. I have no answers, but at least I can see the damn things. Lights and colors remove my sight, the sound is too loud to hear. Once there was the defense of...if a thought or memory bothered me I could grab one of the three people I was hooking up with at the time and engage physically.
What the fuck do I know about feelings? The way people talk about them it's like I'm wired wrong. I get all the bad ones, understand the others, but the feeling is...muted.
Thinking, bringing things to the forefront. I do slow down enough to see the object without so much swirling in the background. I do feel more with boozification, and the feelings are more childish or pure.

Is wisdom just comfort with knowing you know nothing?

Comments

[likethewatch.livejournal.com]

I think you're looking for escape from self-consciousness. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions.

[alumiere.livejournal.com]

I understand what you mean about booze slowing things down... although booze doesn't do that for me. Hugs you, and no, forgetting you wouldn't be a bright side ;P

[fitfool.livejournal.com]

Maybe alcohol lets you mull things over without your inner critic jumping all over you. Seems like you can be hard on yourself (and others) sometimes.