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Jul. 14th, 2003 12:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzStarted to post, stopped, posted, deleted, re-posted excerpt, made private, and so on.
I’m thinking about posting this to my LJ, why? Isn’t that grandstanding again? I’m really using the forum as a place to think, but isn’t writing this down thinking enough? Why do things seem clearer to me when I say them to someone else? Why in the holy hell does writing something to LJ feel like talking to someone else when in fact it’s just typing from my own private space? It’s not conversation. I’m not sure I should let anyone see this - it’s probably not flattering to be this torn up, it’s probably very unusual to think this much about such issues, ISSUES, *ahem* one more time for good measure ISSUES *cough* Why post in LJ? What do I expect, or hope for, as a result of putting these thoughts that should probably remain private? On a good day I hope that people with similar issues might gain some insight from watching me process my mistakes, others might understand something about me and perhaps appreciate it, it might help me process - kind of a weird way of thinking things through by talking to myself where other people can hear...if I’m worried about what people think, I probably shouldn’t post something that I have been trying to process for some time now. The potential liability to posting is greater than any potential reward, but neither the potential reward or potential liability is much. Does it show growth or just repeating cycles? Eh, I think it’s growth, call it what they will. I’m willing to grow, I’m also willing to say bugger off if people don’t like the way I process.
I’m thinking about posting this to my LJ, why? Isn’t that grandstanding again? I’m really using the forum as a place to think, but isn’t writing this down thinking enough? Why do things seem clearer to me when I say them to someone else? Why in the holy hell does writing something to LJ feel like talking to someone else when in fact it’s just typing from my own private space? It’s not conversation. I’m not sure I should let anyone see this - it’s probably not flattering to be this torn up, it’s probably very unusual to think this much about such issues, ISSUES, *ahem* one more time for good measure ISSUES *cough* Why post in LJ? What do I expect, or hope for, as a result of putting these thoughts that should probably remain private? On a good day I hope that people with similar issues might gain some insight from watching me process my mistakes, others might understand something about me and perhaps appreciate it, it might help me process - kind of a weird way of thinking things through by talking to myself where other people can hear...if I’m worried about what people think, I probably shouldn’t post something that I have been trying to process for some time now. The potential liability to posting is greater than any potential reward, but neither the potential reward or potential liability is much. Does it show growth or just repeating cycles? Eh, I think it’s growth, call it what they will. I’m willing to grow, I’m also willing to say bugger off if people don’t like the way I process.
