(no subject)
Oct. 14th, 2009 09:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzI've gotten so self-conscious that I feel arrogant by posting in my eljay. "What makes me think my thoughts are so important as to broadcast them?" On the other hand, at least I'm not hiding behind a veil and trying to make friends by controlling what they do and don't know about me, so if I have friends they only are friends because they don't know the full truth. Where is the happy medium? Is it a happy medium if I just post my stuff in public but don't pretend it's important?
Does anyone want a copy of warhammer online for free? I bought a copy not realizing you can _only_ play it online - I was hoping to have a solo campaign. I don't want to play any game with a monthly subscription fee so I'm nixing this game for personal use.
I'm wondering whether I should cut my f-list again, either using filters or just removing people who only cross-post from facebook or twitter. A daily summary of pointless tweets is not a post but those are starting to make up a significant portion of my list. Are my friends growing up or was talking online just a phase for my friends or society as a whole? I miss it but if it is gone (or changed to the point I don't appreciate it, like facebook) shouldn't I just adapt and move on?
So in case you care about the psychotic inner-ramblings of me:
I'm completely batshit insane and facing an internal maturity crisis / adjustment period. I took this week off from work for a "staycation" but have been...moody. It seems while I lament the lack of spare time in my life, when I have it not only do I not know what to do with it, but my mood plummets when I'm not achieving measurable goals. My life is filled with them: work scores, money scores, gym scores, all these personal bests fill me with reinforcement to the point I'm addicted. I'm so used to achieving in some measurable way that I feel like a loser if I don't get a gold star in a week. As much as I tell others just to do what they enjoy and not worry about "competing" I am not sure I'm taking my advice. The _point_ of this time off was just supposed to be to rest and recover, but I feel like a bored 9-year-old in my house: "I'm bored but I don't want to work or play any of _these_ games." I keep wondering what I'm supposed to do with this time, and then either freaking out because when I do something BAM 4-8 hours disappears and I feel like my staycation was stolen by work/chores; or I do nothing and seeing 4-8 hours passed by feel like I wasted it.
I know no matter what is going on a drink of coffee or booze will make me feel better (or at least more of something) but those feelings are empty. So empty based on drinking things = bad, but enhancing experiences with others = good? Is it bad that I enjoy playing video games or watching history/discovery channel by myself? Do other people question the things that they enjoy?
Does anyone want a copy of warhammer online for free? I bought a copy not realizing you can _only_ play it online - I was hoping to have a solo campaign. I don't want to play any game with a monthly subscription fee so I'm nixing this game for personal use.
I'm wondering whether I should cut my f-list again, either using filters or just removing people who only cross-post from facebook or twitter. A daily summary of pointless tweets is not a post but those are starting to make up a significant portion of my list. Are my friends growing up or was talking online just a phase for my friends or society as a whole? I miss it but if it is gone (or changed to the point I don't appreciate it, like facebook) shouldn't I just adapt and move on?
So in case you care about the psychotic inner-ramblings of me:
I'm completely batshit insane and facing an internal maturity crisis / adjustment period. I took this week off from work for a "staycation" but have been...moody. It seems while I lament the lack of spare time in my life, when I have it not only do I not know what to do with it, but my mood plummets when I'm not achieving measurable goals. My life is filled with them: work scores, money scores, gym scores, all these personal bests fill me with reinforcement to the point I'm addicted. I'm so used to achieving in some measurable way that I feel like a loser if I don't get a gold star in a week. As much as I tell others just to do what they enjoy and not worry about "competing" I am not sure I'm taking my advice. The _point_ of this time off was just supposed to be to rest and recover, but I feel like a bored 9-year-old in my house: "I'm bored but I don't want to work or play any of _these_ games." I keep wondering what I'm supposed to do with this time, and then either freaking out because when I do something BAM 4-8 hours disappears and I feel like my staycation was stolen by work/chores; or I do nothing and seeing 4-8 hours passed by feel like I wasted it.
I know no matter what is going on a drink of coffee or booze will make me feel better (or at least more of something) but those feelings are empty. So empty based on drinking things = bad, but enhancing experiences with others = good? Is it bad that I enjoy playing video games or watching history/discovery channel by myself? Do other people question the things that they enjoy?
