Scam artist scam artist
Jun. 3rd, 2009 04:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzToday's best spam came via telephone message:
4:04 6/3 Ah - Hello, this message is for José
My name is Jim Stan and I'm, uh, with Art Exchange and Timothy's (pause) fine art. And I'm calling to discuss the possibility of promoting Jose's art work. Could you return my call please to 800 647 6336 x168 (pause) Thank you
Holy shit - they are calling me about my art! I better call them right back!
Thank you for calling art estates.com. If you know your party's extension...
You have reached...art-exchange.com. Jim Stan. Ah yes, well we here at Art Exchange have been in business for over 35 years and are the world's largest international art promoters. We don't sell, we promote.
So this lovely fellow with the country voice, tells me that _David Miller_ (say this name in your best Troy McClure dubbed voice-over) either saw my art or was made aware of it, and thought that it might be something they wanted to promote.
Have you promoted your art on the internet in the last year?
I can't say that I have.
Have you sold your art commercially in the last year?
No, no I haven't sold art commercially in the last year
I try to get the weirdest answers I can, and the more obscure I response I give, the longer his pauses as he searches the script-flow-chart to find out what he's supposed to say next. See, my philosophy is usually the longer I can keep a crudmonger on the phone, the less people he is harassing on the phone. I become the static in that noise ratio. However, this was not doing anything to hurt anyone, not horribly. I decide my challenge is to tell the truth, but see how long I can go on without revealing I am not an artist. I also see how he tries to trick me into volunteering what kind of art that I do, using pauses to see if I fill in the gap (I'm a fucking attorney - that silence shit don't work on me!) and I'm watching to see how he tries to work around the issue. One way - he just refers to my "art." Eventually he noted that he hasn't seen my art himself, but that it was referenced by the ubiquitous "Daniel Miller" (everyone knows a Daniel Miller, right?) (if you volunteer you don't know this person, I suspect the answer is "Well he may be a friend of someone you know" or suggest other names like "José Garcia? Leroy Jones? Patrick O'Malley? Lao Xing?") So eventually he mentions a couple of types of art...and it so happens I have taken pictures recently, so I concede "Photography..."
So have you been just doing showings? (leaves off any details) (pause) Sharing with family and friends?
Yeah, that's pretty much been it, mostly I've been sharing.
Well have you considered commercial promotion of your art?
Not so much, no I really haven't.
So it's just a hobby - you're still working then. (heh) So what kind of comments do you get from your family and friends about your work?
Well they say that I have talent. (this was the closest I could make up - really hard to not lie and keep this going at this point. I suspect people who have said I have talent have not been referring to my commercially promoted photographs)
(he has long pauses - this is where I'm supposed to puff up with pride and mention the things people have said in detail - I should be happy to have an audience to hear the wonderful things people have said about my artwork)
(it occurs to me that my law and psyc background make it harder than average to scam me...worse, I enjoy watching them to see how they try to seduce me)
Are you at a computer? You can go to our website, why don't you do that and I'll go on there with you, at http://www.art-exchange.com (I do)
See, now this is where family, friends, and others can see your work. See the box for "Search our database?" Go ahead and click on that. Ok, now this is where family and friends can search for art you've created by your first and last name (please everyone, not all at once). Ok, now click on the drop down menu that says "medium." (pause)
This was my favorite pause. In this pause, he was surprised to find that there were 5 categories that referred to photo-summin: "photo-etching, photo-lithographic reproduction, photograph, photogravure, and photomontague." I really wanted him to either guess at what the terms meant, or possibly guess at their meaning. He didn't fall for it or venture - he just asked me which category I felt my work best fit in. I nearly went with photogravure not having any idea what it was, but instead I stuck with my plan of no-lie so it was photograph.
Ok well just click on search. Now see that 833 pages just came up - that's how much promotion our company is engaged in. Of course you can change it down by type or subject matter.
My guess is if few or none come up, they tell you that your art will be the first thing to come up for anyone interested in that type of art, guaranteed exposure!
Ok, so this is where your family and friends or anyone can search for art and you can be promoted here. Now, we just charge a one-time fee (AH HA!) so that way you don't have to pay every week or every month or something like that.
Oh, well how much is that one-time fee?
Well I'm not even sure we'll accept your art yet. See, you were recommended, but I'd have to have you pass the art screeners first to see if your work is the type that we would consider promoting. There is no charge for any of this of course, and you control all of your art. Do you have any digital pictures of...your art
I think he just realized that I said my digital pictures are my "art"
that you can send? Good, well with your permission I'd like to, free of charge, have our reviewers consider your work to see if it is the type of thing our group would be interested in promoting.
I love this part - see real time-taking scam artists may have realized that I'm not super-eager, or worse, I know he's a scammer. To get around this reality, they try to get me to feel as though I'm not necessarily accepted. This does 2 things: i) makes me feel safe - because of course they're not scammers if I'm led to believe that some people aren't accepted!; ii) sparks my pride or curiosity - of course I want to know if my art will pass the muster of these art experts! Then if it does pass - I'm so proud of my art I'll pay anything to start my famous artist career!
So if you were to go to the FAQ part of the web page, I just want you to know that whatever price you see there is more than what you'll pay if you go through me.
But I'm not accepted yet?!
Now, you see any pictures there that you particularly like?
Well there is that knots in wood thing.
Ok, click on that. See how it shows $300? Well you get a 90% commission on all the art that you sell. So on that $300 picture, if you had sold it, you'd get $270.
Oh, it's not a 10% commission for them - it's a 90% commission for me! Math is fun! Thank god for the national minimal comprehension standardized test requirement for HS graduation!
Now I've run out of line, so I say I'm not really sure - I'll have to think about it. He tries like 3 more times to get me to submit my work to the art review board while I consider copypasta from 4chan. Eventually he says "Well, you've got my number for when you finish your soul-searching." He sounds aggravated, and is probably now aware I have just played him. I thank him and hang up.
ODDLY
I was noticing that when I took some pictures the other day - of some undocumented immigrants from Canada that were living on the grounds of the Federal establishment in which I work. However, it has been so long since I took the pictures that the original babies were practically grown. I walked up to some and took pictures of the bigger ones (like real people, they backed away from me). Then yesterday I took some more pictures as I left at 7pm and they headed up the parking lot. Today I was leaving and they actually crossed the road in front of my car. I whipped my camera out right there and took their pictures again.
All pictures copyright Jose Vicar
Equipment used: camera, blue, respiffed
Window: By Honda Motor Corporation, all rights reserved.
4:04 6/3 Ah - Hello, this message is for José
My name is Jim Stan and I'm, uh, with Art Exchange and Timothy's (pause) fine art. And I'm calling to discuss the possibility of promoting Jose's art work. Could you return my call please to 800 647 6336 x168 (pause) Thank you
Holy shit - they are calling me about my art! I better call them right back!
Thank you for calling art estates.com. If you know your party's extension...
You have reached...art-exchange.com. Jim Stan. Ah yes, well we here at Art Exchange have been in business for over 35 years and are the world's largest international art promoters. We don't sell, we promote.
So this lovely fellow with the country voice, tells me that _David Miller_ (say this name in your best Troy McClure dubbed voice-over) either saw my art or was made aware of it, and thought that it might be something they wanted to promote.
Have you promoted your art on the internet in the last year?
I can't say that I have.
Have you sold your art commercially in the last year?
No, no I haven't sold art commercially in the last year
I try to get the weirdest answers I can, and the more obscure I response I give, the longer his pauses as he searches the script-flow-chart to find out what he's supposed to say next. See, my philosophy is usually the longer I can keep a crudmonger on the phone, the less people he is harassing on the phone. I become the static in that noise ratio. However, this was not doing anything to hurt anyone, not horribly. I decide my challenge is to tell the truth, but see how long I can go on without revealing I am not an artist. I also see how he tries to trick me into volunteering what kind of art that I do, using pauses to see if I fill in the gap (I'm a fucking attorney - that silence shit don't work on me!) and I'm watching to see how he tries to work around the issue. One way - he just refers to my "art." Eventually he noted that he hasn't seen my art himself, but that it was referenced by the ubiquitous "Daniel Miller" (everyone knows a Daniel Miller, right?) (if you volunteer you don't know this person, I suspect the answer is "Well he may be a friend of someone you know" or suggest other names like "José Garcia? Leroy Jones? Patrick O'Malley? Lao Xing?") So eventually he mentions a couple of types of art...and it so happens I have taken pictures recently, so I concede "Photography..."
So have you been just doing showings? (leaves off any details) (pause) Sharing with family and friends?
Yeah, that's pretty much been it, mostly I've been sharing.
Well have you considered commercial promotion of your art?
Not so much, no I really haven't.
So it's just a hobby - you're still working then. (heh) So what kind of comments do you get from your family and friends about your work?
Well they say that I have talent. (this was the closest I could make up - really hard to not lie and keep this going at this point. I suspect people who have said I have talent have not been referring to my commercially promoted photographs)
(he has long pauses - this is where I'm supposed to puff up with pride and mention the things people have said in detail - I should be happy to have an audience to hear the wonderful things people have said about my artwork)
(it occurs to me that my law and psyc background make it harder than average to scam me...worse, I enjoy watching them to see how they try to seduce me)
Are you at a computer? You can go to our website, why don't you do that and I'll go on there with you, at http://www.art-exchange.com (I do)
See, now this is where family, friends, and others can see your work. See the box for "Search our database?" Go ahead and click on that. Ok, now this is where family and friends can search for art you've created by your first and last name (please everyone, not all at once). Ok, now click on the drop down menu that says "medium." (pause)
This was my favorite pause. In this pause, he was surprised to find that there were 5 categories that referred to photo-summin: "photo-etching, photo-lithographic reproduction, photograph, photogravure, and photomontague." I really wanted him to either guess at what the terms meant, or possibly guess at their meaning. He didn't fall for it or venture - he just asked me which category I felt my work best fit in. I nearly went with photogravure not having any idea what it was, but instead I stuck with my plan of no-lie so it was photograph.
Ok well just click on search. Now see that 833 pages just came up - that's how much promotion our company is engaged in. Of course you can change it down by type or subject matter.
My guess is if few or none come up, they tell you that your art will be the first thing to come up for anyone interested in that type of art, guaranteed exposure!
Ok, so this is where your family and friends or anyone can search for art and you can be promoted here. Now, we just charge a one-time fee (AH HA!) so that way you don't have to pay every week or every month or something like that.
Oh, well how much is that one-time fee?
Well I'm not even sure we'll accept your art yet. See, you were recommended, but I'd have to have you pass the art screeners first to see if your work is the type that we would consider promoting. There is no charge for any of this of course, and you control all of your art. Do you have any digital pictures of...your art
I think he just realized that I said my digital pictures are my "art"
that you can send? Good, well with your permission I'd like to, free of charge, have our reviewers consider your work to see if it is the type of thing our group would be interested in promoting.
I love this part - see real time-taking scam artists may have realized that I'm not super-eager, or worse, I know he's a scammer. To get around this reality, they try to get me to feel as though I'm not necessarily accepted. This does 2 things: i) makes me feel safe - because of course they're not scammers if I'm led to believe that some people aren't accepted!; ii) sparks my pride or curiosity - of course I want to know if my art will pass the muster of these art experts! Then if it does pass - I'm so proud of my art I'll pay anything to start my famous artist career!
So if you were to go to the FAQ part of the web page, I just want you to know that whatever price you see there is more than what you'll pay if you go through me.
But I'm not accepted yet?!
Now, you see any pictures there that you particularly like?
Well there is that knots in wood thing.
Ok, click on that. See how it shows $300? Well you get a 90% commission on all the art that you sell. So on that $300 picture, if you had sold it, you'd get $270.
Oh, it's not a 10% commission for them - it's a 90% commission for me! Math is fun! Thank god for the national minimal comprehension standardized test requirement for HS graduation!
Now I've run out of line, so I say I'm not really sure - I'll have to think about it. He tries like 3 more times to get me to submit my work to the art review board while I consider copypasta from 4chan. Eventually he says "Well, you've got my number for when you finish your soul-searching." He sounds aggravated, and is probably now aware I have just played him. I thank him and hang up.
ODDLY
I was noticing that when I took some pictures the other day - of some undocumented immigrants from Canada that were living on the grounds of the Federal establishment in which I work. However, it has been so long since I took the pictures that the original babies were practically grown. I walked up to some and took pictures of the bigger ones (like real people, they backed away from me). Then yesterday I took some more pictures as I left at 7pm and they headed up the parking lot. Today I was leaving and they actually crossed the road in front of my car. I whipped my camera out right there and took their pictures again.
All pictures copyright Jose Vicar
Equipment used: camera, blue, respiffed
Window: By Honda Motor Corporation, all rights reserved.
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no subject
Date: 2009-06-03 10:43 pm (UTC)Heehee--couldn't resist!
Date: 2009-06-04 02:40 am (UTC)[Leonidas unsheathes and points his sword at the Messenger's throat]
Messenger: Madman! You're a madman!
King Leonidas: Liking and Tweeting? You'll find plenty of both down there.
Messenger: No man, geek or dork, no man threatens a messenger!
King Leonidas: You bring the crowns and heads of conquered WoW avatars to my city steps. You insult my queen. You threaten my people with pointless quizzes and memes! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same!
Messenger: This is blasphemy! This is madness!
King Leonidas: Madness? THIS IS LIVEJOURNAL!
[Kicks the messenger down the well]
Awesome.
Date: 2009-06-04 03:42 am (UTC)Though I do so prefer live telemarketers to those damn robocalls...
no subject
Date: 2009-06-04 09:45 am (UTC)Re: Awesome.
Date: 2009-06-04 09:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-04 12:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-04 12:31 pm (UTC)The last bit (photo jargon) is teh win!
"undocumented immigrants from Canada"
Yes... yes they are!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-04 10:23 pm (UTC)