vicarz | (no subject)

More from "I don't know:" Marriage
Today's not important line of thought started when talking to a friend in the gym who I hadn't seen in ages (a girl from the original Gold's boxing club, washboard abs > age 40) was when she mentioned someone I know having long-term relationship problems with his girl, problems I didn't know about. She theorized that he was with her because he had been with her so long he didn't know what else to do, or feared the alternatives. This is a strong woman, but her note was that you never compromise and settle in a relationship. She hadn't, but noted that all of her friends who committed despite problems are all getting divorces (with and without kids). We debated a bit, and I don't know what the answer, or my answer, is on that subject. It's not important right now, but I've been noting recently that sometimes the difference between a relationship and not was simply deciding to commit and staying committed. Perhaps those that succeed are just the ones that try, and that those that keep seeking perfection just don't understand what a real commitment is. So, the converse is that if you just lay down a commitment, you're just begging for a much harder crash further down the road.

And I don't know, nor is it important in my life right now. Still curious.

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see, my dad hadn't dated in 20+ years. he hadn't expected to be dating again later in life - and those websites, while they may seem a lowered expectation arena to you, and I admit that is an angle to take on them - they're a relatively safe place for older adults to meet new people. my dad was lonely and looking for someone, sure - but I dont think by joining these sites he lowered his expectations. they were there as a tool for him to meet new people, and he could have not acted on any of the messages he got. he did go on a few dates that were not so spot-on, and he lucked out in finding the wonderful woman who is my step-mom.

I agree with you in that the gems to desperate people ratio is skewed in the desperate end of the spectrum, but that desperation could be born of not knowing how to date after being married for so long - it's not always the token loser trolling for dates.

it's talking about the idea that you've given up and started trying really hard to meet someone instead of just letting it happen.

but if you're nearing 50 and your home life has fallen apart after a divorce and you just want to meet someone to spend the next 50 years of your life with, wouldn't you rather seek them out actively through as many avenues as possible, vs. just waiting for "fate" or "chance" to bring you together?

That makes sense - I guess for me, at my age and in my circumstances, it would be desperate (irrationally so) whereas were I 50 with kids the complications of life would be more understandable.