vicarz | (no subject)

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So that was kind of weird - yesterday I wound up in two houses: one I mentioned, gorgeous, "a place I'd like to get drunk," and the other a family home. The family one kind of made me all fuzzy. It looked very family like - not in disarray, but very being-lived-in-right-now. It had a homey smell, several. It was a place for living, not tip-toeing. After biking everyone sat, covered in their briney filth, on the cloth couches. I couldn't get myself to do that, opting for wood floors. The girls were frigging adorable, and if you ignore the 'mom is a jungle gym' urges, very well mannered. Why is it that you don't so much notice how cute and tiny children are, but their hands and feet just look adorably miniature? The youngest bowled me over in her sister's hand-me-down rainbow striped dress - it made her look like a roll of life-savers. This silly part of me wondered if in my dress-wearing days I could have pulled that off (what a pride outfit). For once I mostly didn't use profanities around the kids - it was ok to say butt, I was told. "Of course, it's a conjunction!"
And, but, and or...they'll get you pretty far!

I really like the idea of quieting down and settling in to that life, though I know NOTHING about it. Kids? I just got busted on how long it has been since I had a pet of my own. My mom has always done the lion's share of pet responsibility, except perhaps for my cat (but that was over 20 years ago?) (and it was a friggin cat, for crying out loud, not exactly demanding constant attention). I don't understand how you do it - it's such a huge (but rewarding) responsibility. How do you feed and respond to someone who has a constant need for attention (uh, sounds like me) and continue to do that for years? I heard a couple guys in the gym complimenting a fairly fit big guy - for being in shape after kids. I have a big emphasis on fitness, but I can't even imagine how hard that has to be post children - if it's hard to keep a program going on your own, how about when you have an 80 - 120 hour a week demanding job with little foots? Oh god, how do you talk to children like adults like you're supposed to when that baby talk thing is so cute?

I also got schooled, big time, on some of the things that can happen with the pregnancy process and post-pregnancy changes or not-changes. Had no idea, though it all makes sense. Tendons do what? Pelvis huh? Back where? Oh, well yeah that would make it easier, huh.

But curiosity and appreciation from afar aside, I'm a million miles away from kids.

Speaking of warm and cozy - spellbound last night was really cool. It was a funny club vibe - very mellow, conversational, and comfortable. Lots of good talkery. Had yet another straight guy compliment my physique. Maybe I should put on a few more pounds so I seem more approachable?

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Maybe I should put on a few more pounds so I seem more approachable?

Yes. ICE CREAM.

well, seeing how every bike ride i drag him out on these days has a street fair with a ben & jerry's booth, and how i insist that it's a gift from above and we must partake, i think he may be on the right track :)

I'm just worried that his partaking yesterday is going to lead him to cancel on having ice cream with _me_ today. *sniffle*

Clearly I'm going to have to see if I've made my bike rideable if I'm to get any Jose time.

Also, hi! I think the last time I saw you was at a kriti party, but hi!

Still on! Emailed :)

wow, that was a LONG time ago then! was that the one where she, nadra and i were dying our hair?

I think I missed the actual dying bit, but, I think so... oh gods, it might have been 2001? Who knows.

How do you feed and respond to someone who has a constant need for attention (uh, sounds like me) and continue to do that for years?

1. love.

2. a sense of nurturing where you get to watch a small creature under your stewardship grow, mature, and blossom (if you put some thought into the process) into the kind of small creature that makes you make this kind of post.

:)

Heh...squishy thing to say :)

lol maybe you're right. I was always scared to death to approach this guy at work that I had a huge crush on when I was an intern because he was crazy muscular and I was well....not. lol

Well, I don't have the answers about kids. I was never in really really terrific shape before I had my son (except back in college). Also, there is a certain amount of fat that will not budge on me, which I attribute to breastfeeding (oh god please let it be breastfeeding). Now....oddly enough, I'm in the best shape I've ever been, mostly because I view gym time as my "reward" for the day. Plus, I need the exercise to stay awake after being up all the time. I couldn't do it without a supportive partner, and I'm not sure that I will be able to do it if we had 2 children. As it stands, it seems like an hour a day of working out isn't even enough to reach my goals.

I do find it funny that they were referring to a guy as being in great shape after children.

I'm sure it's not as difficult, but with the time committment...yeah. On the other hand, while I love bodies and fitness - to me when the relationship hits child status it's not that looks go out the window, but that goes from "my girl, my woman, my wife" to "the mother of my children." I'm not quite sure what that means, but it sure seems like forever.

I asked my husband if he'd still love me if I looked like Pierce Brosnan's wife, who appears to have put on some major poundage due to some kind of illness. He said that he would. I'm sure I'd still love him, but I have to admit that I would be a bit upset that he "let himself go". I honestly think that I look better than before having children, I'm not sure what he thinks. As it stands, Logan is a good motivator to get us to continue to work hard and be in shape. Just as I can't swear around him anymore, and I have to watch what goes in my mouth (monkey see, monkey do), I want him to pick up on good health habits.

lol honestly, I never understood the special status associated with "the mother of my children".

I've said and meant forever to people, and had it said and meant back to me - children seem to remove the optional component of that statement?

Only until they're old enough to be on their own. My parents don't have to talk to each other now, although they do, scarily enough, on occasion.

I've always taken the phrase "Mother of my Children" as am honorific elevated status that is beyond a choice because it is inherently something to respect and appreciate. I'm lucky enough that my ex husband respects and appreciates me and, yes, honors me as the mother of his children. I think of it as a goddess like position.

As for my body, I'm sure you remember what I looked like before kids. Well, I never looked better than six months AFTER my second child (I was 27). Ironically, in contrary to empressmiaka, I give credit to breastfeeding since that knocks out over 500 calories a day that goes to your kid and not your thighs. My stomach was flat flat flat. My hips gracefully curvy and my jugs were KNOCKERS! BEAUTIFUL PERKY KNOCKERS! Pre babies I was 105-108 lbs. Six month post babies at 27, I was 98-102 lbs. Ahhhh, I wish I didn't make my exhusband erase all my naughty pictures from his computer when we got divorced. Hmmm...all that being said, I'm currently at 33, 112-114 lbs, went down 1 and a half cups sizes (I might say that WAS from breastfeeding, though they're still perky after 2 years of carrying milk). The ligaments in my hips will never be the same and I have never known migranes until recently. I think the weight gain came on when I started a full time desk job, instead of my student life before. And my hollow legs aren't hollow anymore. Kids changed my body, but I was healthy before, during and after childbearing, and I don't think my pregancies had any affect on metabolism post weaning. I lucked out with practically no stretch marks, too, and I know that's dumb luck. Mostly, I think, it's how old you are when you had kids and what kind of lifestyle you led before, during and after. Heheh, I remember lifting weights when I was about 8 months pregnant...this dude took one look at me and mumbled..."Gee, I wish MY wife would work out."

You know, J, sometimes I wondered whether or not we could be friends again outside of the internet, but reading that post made me feel really good. My friends all like to go out and drink and dance and party, and hike and travel for leisure, but they always think of my home as a comforting place to come back to. You should stop by sometime. I'll bake you chocolate cupcskes from scratch.

(Man, I wish I still had those knockers!)

I still have a slightly naughty picture or two of you, and they're still quite appreciated. I never thought we had any friendship problems, just that you are very busy with your life and that's fine :)

I'm all about a visit and cupcakes.

Maybe I should put on a few more pounds so I seem more approachable?

Huh. When I said that I should do the same thing you gave me this weird look and said something about lowering standards... *smile*

I'm often wrong and quite used to being corrected. I don't think I can actually do what I'm saying, but I have been running into this "rumor" that I'm insanely picky ... and I just don't feel like I am.

It's very unlikely that I'd have kids, but I'm around them & as long as you show them what they should be like by doing those things yourself they tend to be ok. I'm sure you'll say you shouldn't have kids then, but the things you do that are judged wrong really aren't for the most part. That doesn't mean go out & have kids, but it does mean that you might be a good influence. I'll let you know if I get any idea from the elementary school.

Kids, ahhh how I could go on for hours...Really it's as tough as they say but easier than you can imagine. I know, no help there. Your brain just kind of switches over. There are still days I wonder what it would have been like to be childfree all these years...

THey were complimenting him? All he did was get his jollies off and interst sperm. Where's the weight gain, the mood swings, the feeling of little feet trying to massacre your lungs because they want more room, the heat flashing, I could go on.

Well that aside, it is a mutual huge time committment, so I can see the comments. I know when I work out in the middle of the day there are a lot of (hot) moms in teh gym (they have daycare I think)

I heard a couple guys in the gym complimenting a fairly fit big guy - for being in shape after kids.

Um... they do know that it wasn't him that gave birth to them?

Yes, but I'm pretty sure that a baby mama is NOT going to stand for someone disappearing to the gym for a couple of hours a day on top of work. *everyones* disposable time goes, once a family starts. So yeah, guys don't have all of the massive physical changes, but I'm sympathetic to what happens when someone goes from a regular workout routine to... not. Worse, metabolism adjusted to a high level of exercise does *not* automatically change once a more sedentary life kicks in.

But on the surface, it *is* a hilarious thing to say.

Exactamundo

interesting post. especially given some exchanges we've had recently.

theres a lot of bargaining, negotiating, sacrificing and compromising going on in order to get to do the things you want/need to do. Keeping everyone happy or satisfied is the trick. Kids aren't so tough. It is a lot of instinct. Feed them when they're hungry, clean them when they're dirty, hug them when they are hurt, etc.

Sometimes it seems like it would be easy, but I'm getting used to being humble or corrected...

I can barely remember what it was like to NOT have kids. I got pregnant with my son when I was 19.

My husband and I get a kick out of all the couples we know who say things like they want kids but, aren't ready yet...you're never really ready. Obviously you can go over some of the things mentally and even make some physical preparations but, in general it is never what you really expect it to be like.

As for talking to children like adults...well, they aren't adults. There's definitely a time a place for silliness and baby talk I think it really depends on the child and the situation.

Having children certainly can consume you. No doubt about that. It is rewarding on one level and extremely costly to the "self" on another. Very demanding and the nature of the demand changes every 6 months or so as their needs change. I never thought I was the parenting "type" and probably am not the best but I am not screwing it up too badly so far.

How to do it? That part is actually easy. A couple of basic books and instinct and that part mostly takes care of itself.

How do you feed and respond to someone who has a constant need for attention (uh, sounds like me) and continue to do that for years?

It doesn't feel like there was much opportunity to choose otherwise. It's like washing some clothes and using toilet paper and brushing my teeth. Enjoyable or not, I can't get around some things without horrible repercussions.

Sorry to not give a sweet, reminiscent answer.

It's fair.

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