(no subject)
Sep. 22nd, 2007 04:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzAnyone who can tell me about the logistics of death, autopsies, medical examiner vs. private vs. DC vs. MD, whether there are jurisdictional issues, who could talk to me in any capacity would be appreciated. Similarly, anyone who can talk to me about MD vs. DC as far as funerals, cremation, burial, and those logistics - I don't quite know where to start.
Well isn't today a whole new world of suck! Ah...the world is fine, I'm just facing some necessary transitions. I'm sick, so I ... thankfully ... can't go to the ICU. I wonder what his neighbor has - the person 2 doors over has signs on their room saying "gloves and gown required" so they must have some neat communicable. My minor cold makes me feel just bad enough that I know not to work out, and I can't go to the hospital, so I get to ... have to ... relax for a bit.
But I just had the conversation with my dad's wife. A neurologist, who she hated, thinks he's probably already completely brain dead. "That part of him that you loved isn't there anymore." She thought he was horrible, but what she related sounded like he was trying to be nice. They don't say why, but with little prompting they've changed his orders to not doing drastic life-saving interventions. Monday we'll have a talk with the doctors and neurologist who will analyze his EEG.
His wife might want to sue, thinking that this whole episode was preventable and that for all we know he was brain damaged from lack of air due to negligence on the part of hospital staff. I have been impressed with the level of care, and don't necessarily feel that a lawsuit would be appropriate even if there was an error. I also don't feel as suspicious as she does that any negligence caused this - I think he's just dying of cancer in his own way. She's torn up that he never got to express how he wants to wrap up his affairs - so am I. She's worried about how the holy hell she's going to pay the bills when he does die, and feels crass for talking about it. I've already started shifting funds to help or pay in full for both funeral expenses and keeping her afloat for a while.
Never ask me how my dad or "things" are going. As they teach lawyers, never ask a question you don't already know the answer to (or to which you don't know the answer). If it is good news, then it isn't important. If it's bad news, then I have already shared it with who I'm going go share it with and you're just digging up bad thoughts that I'm trying to get away from by going out.
Well isn't today a whole new world of suck! Ah...the world is fine, I'm just facing some necessary transitions. I'm sick, so I ... thankfully ... can't go to the ICU. I wonder what his neighbor has - the person 2 doors over has signs on their room saying "gloves and gown required" so they must have some neat communicable. My minor cold makes me feel just bad enough that I know not to work out, and I can't go to the hospital, so I get to ... have to ... relax for a bit.
But I just had the conversation with my dad's wife. A neurologist, who she hated, thinks he's probably already completely brain dead. "That part of him that you loved isn't there anymore." She thought he was horrible, but what she related sounded like he was trying to be nice. They don't say why, but with little prompting they've changed his orders to not doing drastic life-saving interventions. Monday we'll have a talk with the doctors and neurologist who will analyze his EEG.
His wife might want to sue, thinking that this whole episode was preventable and that for all we know he was brain damaged from lack of air due to negligence on the part of hospital staff. I have been impressed with the level of care, and don't necessarily feel that a lawsuit would be appropriate even if there was an error. I also don't feel as suspicious as she does that any negligence caused this - I think he's just dying of cancer in his own way. She's torn up that he never got to express how he wants to wrap up his affairs - so am I. She's worried about how the holy hell she's going to pay the bills when he does die, and feels crass for talking about it. I've already started shifting funds to help or pay in full for both funeral expenses and keeping her afloat for a while.
Never ask me how my dad or "things" are going. As they teach lawyers, never ask a question you don't already know the answer to (or to which you don't know the answer). If it is good news, then it isn't important. If it's bad news, then I have already shared it with who I'm going go share it with and you're just digging up bad thoughts that I'm trying to get away from by going out.
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Date: 2007-09-22 08:53 pm (UTC)the glove and gown guy
Date: 2007-09-22 08:57 pm (UTC)I....eh, blah, you probably know what I would try and say and you'll probably hate it. So I wont. <3
no subject
Date: 2007-09-22 09:04 pm (UTC)--k
no subject
Date: 2007-09-22 09:15 pm (UTC)[point received, noted, and inscribed in memory bank]
no subject
Date: 2007-09-22 10:49 pm (UTC)Please get some rest becasue you surely need it. If you don't have the energy to talk to me tomorrow just don't answer when I call. I won't mind at all. I just hope things get better for you.
Re: the glove and gown guy
Date: 2007-09-22 10:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-22 11:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-22 11:01 pm (UTC)I'm afraid in this case it would be better not to ... his body is also damaged, badly. I understand your perspective, but this situation is different.
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Date: 2007-09-22 11:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-23 12:46 am (UTC)Well I just wanted to let you know that doctors don't know everything and sometimes even with the problems things work out. I just hope that things work out as well as they can for both you and your father. I know you don't believe in god, but I pray for you both every night.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-23 01:26 pm (UTC)As far as arrangements go I have only really dealt with them in Baltimore. The best place to start would be to call some funeral homes. Generally they will arrange almost everything for a fee. They can also direct you towards graveyards as well as cremation sites.
Good luck sounds like the wrong words here. I hope things go as smoothly as possible for you and your family.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-23 02:29 pm (UTC)I'm fairly certain that all of homes in the tri-jurisidictional area can deal with logistics, so the best thing is to figure out what you want- services, a place for gathering, etc- and then find a place that is best located and is compassionately competent. some families have multi-generation relationships with a particular funeral home, in which case it's generally better to just stick with them, regardless of geographic inconvenience. They can deal with logistics; most rcently, my aunt died in florida and the funeral was in baltimore.
Please don't forget to take care of yourself, Jose. I'm thinking of you.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-23 02:46 pm (UTC)It is required to protect the ill normally, not so much the other way around (unless you see bio-hazard/ contamination units signs).
My sis-in-law has been in rooms (at times) that has required no flowers, and no visitors unless gloves/ gowns were worn. A simple cold from a healthy person can kill an immune deficient diseased (lupus, in her case) patient.
Sweetwater Tavern salmon & doggy time? I don't have school today :)
no subject
Date: 2007-09-23 03:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-23 03:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-23 05:14 pm (UTC)I hope that I have not responded to this too late.
I'm a licensed mortician and I also know a little bit, albiet very little, about medical examiner things.
I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through. That has to be awful for everyone in your family to see your father like that.
At the time of this entry it sounds like it is too early to be talking about funerals and autopsies but it is good that you are preparing yourself.
With brain death it is important to get a second opinion. Hospitals usually will do this. They also can do a number of tests for brain death, such as EEG's and flow studies(where dye is injected and traced to see the flow to the brain). Even if the EEG is flatlined, I'd recommend that other tests done. They may already do this, I'm not sure of different hopsital protocols.
If a person dies anywhere in Maryland, they are under the jurisdiction of the ME office in Baltimore. DC does DC. It sounds like you already know what sort of deaths they investigate, suspcious, accidendental, unusual.
If your your father passses away I don't know if he would be an ME case or not. At the time of death he will be evaluated. If he is turned down by the ME, you can always try to press the issue with them. If that doesn't work, there is the option of a private autopsy, but I am sure you have gathered that those are expensive (3-5k I'd estimate).
Again it is very early to be thinking about funeral expenses.
Does your father have any life insurance policies? Those can help out a lot.
Was he a veteran? That also can help (free burial plot, stone, etc).
I can tell you about different types of arrangements, what do you nee to know?
I hope this can be helpful. If you have further questions, email me at amyirons@hotmail.com
no subject
Date: 2007-09-23 05:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-23 06:27 pm (UTC)I'm the planning type, and have gotten ballpark figures for funerals. Not sure what he, or his family, want - and am not about to ask, but I muchly appreciate the offer to be a resource.
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Date: 2007-10-01 06:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-01 09:23 am (UTC)