(no subject)

[vicarz]

Oh what a day! Got up at 6 and was at coffee at 7, friends rolled in shortly thereafter and much blah blah was had. Returned home, and found the cover to the circuit-breaker panel, took the panel off (stupid) and reinstalled the door (without dying, hence the post), pulled everything off the floor of the utility closet, cleaned it and vacuumed, then reorganized everything back in there. I washed the window sills in the 2 bedrooms. Then I went to boxing, where everybody had signed a card for me for having studied for, taken, and potentially survived the bar! Sweetest thing! I did boxy-boxy class and then joined the crew for smoothies (mine had 35 grams of whey protein). I returned home, and while still funkified I taped and painted the windows in the bedrooms. Only when I finished mostly cleaning up from that mess did I hop in the shower. All this, and the sun is still up. I tried to nap, failed, but...look! I have time! I know I'm used to working all the time and will soon tire of these silly chores, but right now it's a real treat to feel productive and be able to see things I did instead of just checking off assignments.

Being weird doesn't seem so weird now. Jen pointed out to me that I had sort of skipped over the whole series of traumas that all occurred while I was trying to not-fail the bar exam - my favorite of which had to be saying goodbye to my dad in case the brain-cancer-surgery killed him. I did what I had to do (JACK thank you for the "see your dad, it matters that much" advice - seriously thank you) but only now, as I start to ease off, do I recall how much discipline I showed when I shoved all the drama and actual trauma in a tiny little black pit of hell in my stomach because I had too much work to do to be hurt. Of course I was tired. Of course I was weird. Of course I was insane. Of course I'm not better yet. Fucking duh. But for now...

Brain no hurty. I can be dumb again, comfortable here. Boobies!