Off is not a speed

[vicarz]

Welcome to the worst of LJ - the self-indulgent introspection that produces nothing. Seriously, an occasional insight about yourself can be interesting, but only as much as it relates to others or helps them discover something about themselves. No, this is eljay and this is whining. I'm not complaining, but I'm speaking, about myself, with no likely outcome, conclusion, or course of action spawned from this discourse.

That said - I'm afraid I've changed, or recognized that I'm not the slacker I thought I was. I'm wrapping up my vacation, and I'm bored. I don't necessarily want to do all the tasks I could do with this newfound time, but I'm feeling a bit out of sorts as my time is not booked into ultra-important and inflexible parameters.

I started school with the intent of a) quitting if it was hard, and b) creating a niche where I could work less and be paid more or the same. Instead, I've become even harder working than ever. I like to work. How did that happen? Even in my spare time I fill my hours with activities. Last night my usual boxing partner noticed I made it through abs blasters faster than a couple weeks ago - I casually mentioned that I was in winter break so I was catching up. I was shocked when the impact of my words hit my ears - with my spare time I was doing other work. Working out is fun, but it is work. My job is fun, but it is work...my god, I enjoy my job. Law school is...fun. I learn every day, every class, I learn something interesting. I dread the hours of time devoted to briefing cases, but ultimately I think one of the reasons I stuck with it all this time is it doesn't suck all that much for me...no, I like it. I don't like all of it, but I seem to like more of it than I dislike.

I've lied to myself - I like working.

Comments

[ex-means947.livejournal.com]

Vicar! It's a journal. If it were an online blog, well, I'd understand.

Besides, I learn from people's introspective thoughts/rants. The use value is optimized by my processing of certain remarks so making use of people's journals isn't much of an issue for me.

My brother claims to skim through my LJ. I'm not offended, really; much of what I write is written so that I can read it. Journals are just a means, not an end.

bah-dump-dump.

Oh touché!

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I have this habit of writing with an audience in mind, hell the same applies to fawking. I'm odd that way. I forget that some people just collect their thoughts w/o really considering that they're broadcasting them to a measurable audience.

[lightbringer23.livejournal.com]

Nietzche said something to the effect that maturity is finding the same seriousness at work that on had as a child at play. I envy you enjoying your job as much as you do. Good work Jose.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Excellent point / question. I don't know the answer, but it's an interesting line of thought. I suspect I can't give a pure answer. I'm not the following type, but I've found that the difference between my smarticles and others is the ability to create. I don't create so much as apply existing knowledge.

So I might be reacting rather than thinking, though I like my categorization better. I am thinking, but I'm projected in directions based on needs rather than things I choose.

[cweaselle.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you realized you like working. It took my illness to make me realize that I like working and I wish I still could. I'm really glad that you like more than you dislike. That's fnatastic.