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[personal profile] vicarz
No matter who I look at, if I look long enough I can see how ugly they are.

TONIGHT AT NATION they will be playing house music all night long. House music, all night long. House music, all night long.

I can't get drunk due to my 8 am interview for the job in the old Gannett building. 21st floor, about a mile or less from my house. GS 14. If the job and people don't suck, this could be one hell of an opportunity.

When I didn't get the job at NLRB, they hired a grade lower right after I wasn't selected. I didn't get the job at DA, and now they're posting 2 lower grade positions. Perhaps when I don't get this job in Rosslyn after taking two days off and interviewing two panels and getting my hopes up, I will see lower grade positions opening. It's like if I want to lower myself even more, they leave the door open!

This AM I have a meeting with a pissed off Assistant-Administrator or two. Oh joi.

Yesterday I got my hair cut. Instead of big dicks, the new hairdresser talked about project runway.

Someone discovered my colony of rat brothers, and it is decimated. The trails from hole to hole are disappearing, many of the holes have been filled in, and there are rat-poison-boxes perched at the entrance of most of the remaining entrances. I've seen many a decomposing rat as of late.

You know what's funny about a skank? It doesn't know exactly what that means. She has on makeup, she wore a dress, she thinks she looks good, but sleazy. Somehow she doesn't see the rode-hard part of her appearance. You look at them knowing they don't know, and it makes them uncomfortable. In a few years when they stop trying, and act like you can't hurt them as they have tousled hair and sweats - just treat them with the utmost of respect. That hurts bad.

Sacrifice for the big career. In tv-land, you see someone standing literally between two doors and trying to decide which one to go through. If only it were that easy, perhaps everyone would rush into their gorgeous lover's arms like in the movies. The reality is far more complex. Fighting to get ahead just means being busy all the time, and when you have a spare moment the only thing you have time to do is rest and recover. Having people grow insecure due to the time you don't spend with them, the slow wedge the job-tension puts between you, and the easy way you can point to the flaws of each person you see while you try to achieve in the office...it's not quite so clear. You never really pick work and money over a specific love, no, it's more often a case as you look back over the last 5 or 10 years of your life, may be 20-30 years, that you realize that being unavailable is what made the relationship go awry, or why someone didn't finish the pursuit that raised your eyebrows. You choose to succeed, not realizing what you're giving up in the meantime. You only recognize what you sacrificed as time goes by.

My steaming pile of paper is mostly done. It's more pattie than pile. While that might seem good, now I can take the time to see how much work I didn't get done over my "break."

One month and one week left of this term. Then a week, then a potentially painful summer term.
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vicarz

May 2018

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