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Oct. 27th, 2005 08:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzI just caught myself doing something, and I'm going to try and stop. I've noticed how I don't get pushed around anymore, either because I'm more muscular or because I look more confident. People have argued it's because I'm older, but until recently I still had people walking into me or nudging me off the sidewalk. In a strange place, I found myself puffing up a little bit like a rooster (cock heh). That's not a good approach, not for me. It's not about being big enough not to be picked on, it's about the fact it's not right to harass people just because you can. I am actively trying to go back to looking unassuming, and being able to go psycho on people who feel like that means they have an opportunity to strike. I am the world geek police!
Is what i want really good for me? It wasn't once, but is it now? It's simple enough - I want to explore issues about myself emotinoally, I want to improve myself physically, and I want to educate myself about more subjects. To this end, I don't want to work for a living anymore. I really wonder, if I won that lottery, would it make me happier because I could do what I chose, or would I find a mountain of angst burried inside that was released when the obligation of paying rent was relieved.
If I was rich as a child I have no reason to think I would be any better than Paris Hilton today.
So I came from the training. Man, training a room full of trainers is like trying to treat a doctor. This was one tough fucking audience - and their shitty bosses were in attendance. I decided to do what felt best to me - pander to the audience, bosses be damned. I could tell by the end of the session that my decision will cost me, as the bosses were showing less and less pleasure at my 'lack of professionalism.' I preferred communicating as someone that is a 'regular guy' than some stiff party-line preacher. I was happy with the discussions I spawned, and got quite a few compliments from the class. The bosses were not so happy - they wanted me to just hand out answers. I explained over and over again that when it comes to ethics and conduct issues, there are no black and white answers, that there are easy yes's, easy no's, and most of life occurs in the middle - that we all use our best judgment on a daily basis and if you're in doubt you should err on the side of caution, and/or contact your supervisor and/or the ethics officer etc. There simply cannot be a comprehensive list to cover all possible situations and lay out a course of behavior for each one. I had very displeased bosses (their bosses, not my bosses) saying they just wanted answers. Sigh...I could tell why they were having so many problems in their group. The workers seemed far brighter than the leaders.
Today I am taking some of my free time looking up answers to questions I wasn't able to answer off the top of my head. It turns out the managers made a bunch of decisions and issued guidance on travel regs without consulting the directives on the subject ("It never occurred to us...") or understanding the different angles on the subject matter. I'm not sure if I want to do that because I care about the quality of work I provide, or to prove they were wrong the fuckers. At least I'm humble enough to admit that I don't know everything...I note when I make a guess up front, while they simply state their rationale and assume everyone will treat it as gospel.
I got to see Sunny in TX though! She told me about all of the traditions at uTa - dood they are fucking nuts. The more I heard about those freaky college kids the more I understood where those movies came from. My school was just normal kids attending a state school. I heard of being lavaliered and sort of rings that were pre-engagement from the frat boys to the sorrority girls / bow-heads, but wow these guys are nuts. "You propose under this tree, everyone drives maroon cars (school color), they are supposed to say howdy to everyone (but they didn't), you put pennies on this statue, only corp kids can go on this field or they'll chase you..." Some of the stuff was cool - they had some gorgeous old trees on the campus, and she showed me a lecture hall that looked like the one in Rodney Dangerfield's "Back to school." The fountain outside the chem building was a large pool with two smaller pools on the outside (think about it - hint, water fountain).
Lots of makeup in Texas. I can't get over 20-year-olds with pancake on - it's like drag queens took over with a snarky edge.
I got to walk past the high-and-mighty super-churchy bosses in the hotel lobby with 6-packs in each hand a strange girl, heading upstairs to my hotel room. "Hey, isn't that the guy who just lectured us all day about ethics, appearances, and conduct - walking through the government sponsored hotel lobby with alcohol, a hooker, and a smile on his lips? What do you suppose that means?"
I just swapped Korean for hooker...kiss-kiss!
Ok so we were just watching baseball, but still I like to exaggerate. Another note - even with an open mind and a belly full of booze, I still find baseball dull. Sorry!
Oh - and that mind-numbingly dull self-centered guy? He just got promoted to the position of litigator in my division. He's a nice enough guy, but wow. I don't see him as being able to effectively negotiate or predict people's responses. He might be good about rules, but socially he's a cave-newt.
Is what i want really good for me? It wasn't once, but is it now? It's simple enough - I want to explore issues about myself emotinoally, I want to improve myself physically, and I want to educate myself about more subjects. To this end, I don't want to work for a living anymore. I really wonder, if I won that lottery, would it make me happier because I could do what I chose, or would I find a mountain of angst burried inside that was released when the obligation of paying rent was relieved.
If I was rich as a child I have no reason to think I would be any better than Paris Hilton today.
So I came from the training. Man, training a room full of trainers is like trying to treat a doctor. This was one tough fucking audience - and their shitty bosses were in attendance. I decided to do what felt best to me - pander to the audience, bosses be damned. I could tell by the end of the session that my decision will cost me, as the bosses were showing less and less pleasure at my 'lack of professionalism.' I preferred communicating as someone that is a 'regular guy' than some stiff party-line preacher. I was happy with the discussions I spawned, and got quite a few compliments from the class. The bosses were not so happy - they wanted me to just hand out answers. I explained over and over again that when it comes to ethics and conduct issues, there are no black and white answers, that there are easy yes's, easy no's, and most of life occurs in the middle - that we all use our best judgment on a daily basis and if you're in doubt you should err on the side of caution, and/or contact your supervisor and/or the ethics officer etc. There simply cannot be a comprehensive list to cover all possible situations and lay out a course of behavior for each one. I had very displeased bosses (their bosses, not my bosses) saying they just wanted answers. Sigh...I could tell why they were having so many problems in their group. The workers seemed far brighter than the leaders.
Today I am taking some of my free time looking up answers to questions I wasn't able to answer off the top of my head. It turns out the managers made a bunch of decisions and issued guidance on travel regs without consulting the directives on the subject ("It never occurred to us...") or understanding the different angles on the subject matter. I'm not sure if I want to do that because I care about the quality of work I provide, or to prove they were wrong the fuckers. At least I'm humble enough to admit that I don't know everything...I note when I make a guess up front, while they simply state their rationale and assume everyone will treat it as gospel.
I got to see Sunny in TX though! She told me about all of the traditions at uTa - dood they are fucking nuts. The more I heard about those freaky college kids the more I understood where those movies came from. My school was just normal kids attending a state school. I heard of being lavaliered and sort of rings that were pre-engagement from the frat boys to the sorrority girls / bow-heads, but wow these guys are nuts. "You propose under this tree, everyone drives maroon cars (school color), they are supposed to say howdy to everyone (but they didn't), you put pennies on this statue, only corp kids can go on this field or they'll chase you..." Some of the stuff was cool - they had some gorgeous old trees on the campus, and she showed me a lecture hall that looked like the one in Rodney Dangerfield's "Back to school." The fountain outside the chem building was a large pool with two smaller pools on the outside (think about it - hint, water fountain).
Lots of makeup in Texas. I can't get over 20-year-olds with pancake on - it's like drag queens took over with a snarky edge.
I got to walk past the high-and-mighty super-churchy bosses in the hotel lobby with 6-packs in each hand a strange girl, heading upstairs to my hotel room. "Hey, isn't that the guy who just lectured us all day about ethics, appearances, and conduct - walking through the government sponsored hotel lobby with alcohol, a hooker, and a smile on his lips? What do you suppose that means?"
I just swapped Korean for hooker...kiss-kiss!
Ok so we were just watching baseball, but still I like to exaggerate. Another note - even with an open mind and a belly full of booze, I still find baseball dull. Sorry!
Oh - and that mind-numbingly dull self-centered guy? He just got promoted to the position of litigator in my division. He's a nice enough guy, but wow. I don't see him as being able to effectively negotiate or predict people's responses. He might be good about rules, but socially he's a cave-newt.
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no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 01:17 pm (UTC)But now I am picturing you dressed like Paris Hilton! Halloween perhaps?
no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 01:53 pm (UTC)On Second Thought
Date: 2005-10-27 05:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 05:11 pm (UTC)