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Oct. 30th, 2015 01:15 pmNot a full post, but I feel a need to update.
Freaking out:
I worked my living ass off in LA. I took some social time, but mostly worked...12, 14, and 16 hour days. Yet, I didn't do a particularly good job. The case was hard, I was rushed, but I'm facing a moderate career crisis in my head while I question whether, even working hard, I can be good at this. If I'm capable, which is a real question, then I'm left with trying to find some way to be efficient. I write some awesome briefs, but it takes me 40-80 hours to do so, when others do the same work in 8-16. I'm ashamed and frustrated.
I'm also not happy to talk about it - if I do, I'll get baseless comments and compliments about how smart and good I am. The data argues otherwise and if you don't see my legal work, you (the ambiguous collective not-here you) have no basis by which to judge that. You might as well say I'm a good cook when you meet me in a restaurant.
So I'm home from LA and completely exhausted. I slept in until almost 8 this morning by accident - it's one thing to notice I haven't eaten more than a full meal a day for a week, or slept more than 4-6 hours, but another to return home and feel the real burn and recovery. When in marathon mode I can't feel much. Now I'm tired, slept, napped after that, playing old video games. The video games feel good. I mean I plugged in my sega genesis and played herzog zwei (then booked diabloiii)
House: No.
The house won't be ready this weekend. At all. I texted the contractor, he called back, and for the 2nd time in 2 - 4 weeks he lost about 3 people. Also the floors upstairs are crappy - the floor goo in the hall was too thick and has continued to not dry - now having footprints. The downstairs is not near finished. He's just trying to get the bathrooms, closets, and paint done so I can move into the top part.
I need to pick a color for the guest bath; there was a problem with a section of tile in the window of the guest bath which is being fixed, the grout should be done this week, there are not toilets yet, doors probably won't all be done (but some will), and the brick stain isn't done.
The downstairs really comes after that. Said another way, no floors, no appliances, no kitchen anytime soon.
So no moving this weekend, which is a relief in a way; but also no halloween candy. I mean last year I did it under a lamp and I haven't said 100% I won't...but I think I'm bailing. I'm just so very, very, fucking tired.
I'm planning to take off all but Monday of this coming week, or a lot of it, from work.
This coming first Nov weekend, I'll do a partial move. Probably futon and some clothes via car. Just something to be able to stay there "unannounced" as a full move is not in the cards.
Freaking out:
I worked my living ass off in LA. I took some social time, but mostly worked...12, 14, and 16 hour days. Yet, I didn't do a particularly good job. The case was hard, I was rushed, but I'm facing a moderate career crisis in my head while I question whether, even working hard, I can be good at this. If I'm capable, which is a real question, then I'm left with trying to find some way to be efficient. I write some awesome briefs, but it takes me 40-80 hours to do so, when others do the same work in 8-16. I'm ashamed and frustrated.
I'm also not happy to talk about it - if I do, I'll get baseless comments and compliments about how smart and good I am. The data argues otherwise and if you don't see my legal work, you (the ambiguous collective not-here you) have no basis by which to judge that. You might as well say I'm a good cook when you meet me in a restaurant.
So I'm home from LA and completely exhausted. I slept in until almost 8 this morning by accident - it's one thing to notice I haven't eaten more than a full meal a day for a week, or slept more than 4-6 hours, but another to return home and feel the real burn and recovery. When in marathon mode I can't feel much. Now I'm tired, slept, napped after that, playing old video games. The video games feel good. I mean I plugged in my sega genesis and played herzog zwei (then booked diabloiii)
House: No.
The house won't be ready this weekend. At all. I texted the contractor, he called back, and for the 2nd time in 2 - 4 weeks he lost about 3 people. Also the floors upstairs are crappy - the floor goo in the hall was too thick and has continued to not dry - now having footprints. The downstairs is not near finished. He's just trying to get the bathrooms, closets, and paint done so I can move into the top part.
I need to pick a color for the guest bath; there was a problem with a section of tile in the window of the guest bath which is being fixed, the grout should be done this week, there are not toilets yet, doors probably won't all be done (but some will), and the brick stain isn't done.
The downstairs really comes after that. Said another way, no floors, no appliances, no kitchen anytime soon.
So no moving this weekend, which is a relief in a way; but also no halloween candy. I mean last year I did it under a lamp and I haven't said 100% I won't...but I think I'm bailing. I'm just so very, very, fucking tired.
I'm planning to take off all but Monday of this coming week, or a lot of it, from work.
This coming first Nov weekend, I'll do a partial move. Probably futon and some clothes via car. Just something to be able to stay there "unannounced" as a full move is not in the cards.
