Nope, I'm just fat

Outing myself: I'm fat. I don't care if this triggers anyone or makes them worry about what I think about them - this is about me, not you random reader. I'm fat.

I was outlet shopping yesterday when I saw my pooch had grown into a lump. I was actually shocked - I knew my pants were tight, but with all the strength training my legs often don't fit pants because they're too muscular. But no...I stared and checked, but my gut actually hung down slightly. My god.

I double-checked with the scale: when I was skinny and washboarded I was 135. 140 was fine. With lifting...I've been at 155 and I wondered if that was too much. Last night I was about 160.

So the booze, candy 3 meals a day, restaurants without concern, and similar has to be tempered. I am NOT going to have a gut, no flab on my fucking body is going to hang like a giant parasite, and my awesome death workouts of 2 hours are not enough to make up for eating what I want, when I want, with no control. Message received.

I don't have to washboard and the lifting stays for now - but this aint funny anymore. I'm fat. Shit changes now.