Old

I've had thoughts worth recording but not time - sure I've watched tv, but after long travel and work days, I've been too exhausted to do anything but trash and zone out. What energy I have I dump into work.

I went to Missouri and Kansas - am currently in Dodge City, this time having done the touristy thing. As I reflected on the tourist trade from a 60 year old tv show and older radio version, I've also seen a lot of very old people. I saw old folks gambling in a casino (and smoking!), doddering about, a 90 year old man who still works in a slaughter house, and am in a hotel next to a casino with a bunch of older people (mostly female - men don't last all that long).

Is it worth living after a time? What reward is that? My grandma lived to 98, but was in bed the last 10 years of her life, and was mentally worthless the last 30-40 years. Her family and kids didn't care about her, and I don't blame them - she was mentally absent. I mean if you enjoy your time, great, but ... I watched tv for over 2 hours last night. What point was there to that time? In my case I was resting so I could get the work done today - but what if there is a time where the watching tv is all there is?

There is no productivity, no growth, and like smoking - no real pleasure from watching trash tv. Watching tv and movies seems to be the retirement plan for many - or is it floating around, gambling?, visiting tourist attractions? I could do that now but have no interest.

Then again what I enjoy now is going out for food and drink. Is that producing something? I mean sure we talk and there is analysis, reflection, perhaps growth...but for how long do you grow? I kinda feel done - gotta lotta years left in me, but for what? I think I'm happy to have no more need to grow, and someday work will be optional. Then what?

Hopefully I'll be comfortable just being comfortable.