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May. 28th, 2015 07:46 pmSo yeah last night I engaged in a couple different social groups and noted both my better skills socially along with...not caring. I wonder about the causation in this correlation - am I better at reading and reacting because I care less and am less anxious, or do my better social skills remove the awkward reactions that I would register and fear?
It seems like many over 40 are either raging materialistic douches or always talk about "glory days." Here crossing my mid-fucking-40s I'm actually getting comfortable with the idea that my time is over. I'm happy to be not important and yet comfortable, respectable but not envied, fit mostly...but I don't know. I'm not comfortable just being normal - what is that? Don't most people go home and watch tv, live fake stories told by and about others, rather than live? What counts as living - not to be respected mind you, but what is living that I can enjoy as an adult?
On the plus side sleeping around, while appealing, isn't appealing when you know the routine, the crash that comes after. Also on the plus side, I'm pretty happy with the idea that the purpose of life is to eat in restaurants and drink...anywhere. Is there a point where drinking for pleasure, booze and caffeine, ceases to be enjoyable for me? I mean I'd like my belly back but I'm not giving up beer and aps.
I'm avoiding...I finally have some spare time and I'm not completely exhausted so theoretically I could be productive. I realize that's not actually happening. When am I going to figure out this tax registration to get a business license which then allows the certificate of occupancy? DC is so full of regulations to protect people nobody does things in ways they can detect because the paperwork is so arduous. I don't want to plow through that, buy ceiling fans, pick out appliances, I don't even want to move...what I want to do is turn off, flip fb, watch tv, play a stupid game, read news or trash...drink - go out and be ... god I have so many friends I'm overdue to hang out with.
I mean this is just a mild free-floating angst...and I'm mocking it. I'm mildly uncomfortable with my life is shockingly good shape. Or it looks good on paper, to me, and I'm happy with it. It's just part of me feels like a kid in a car seat.
It seems like many over 40 are either raging materialistic douches or always talk about "glory days." Here crossing my mid-fucking-40s I'm actually getting comfortable with the idea that my time is over. I'm happy to be not important and yet comfortable, respectable but not envied, fit mostly...but I don't know. I'm not comfortable just being normal - what is that? Don't most people go home and watch tv, live fake stories told by and about others, rather than live? What counts as living - not to be respected mind you, but what is living that I can enjoy as an adult?
On the plus side sleeping around, while appealing, isn't appealing when you know the routine, the crash that comes after. Also on the plus side, I'm pretty happy with the idea that the purpose of life is to eat in restaurants and drink...anywhere. Is there a point where drinking for pleasure, booze and caffeine, ceases to be enjoyable for me? I mean I'd like my belly back but I'm not giving up beer and aps.
I'm avoiding...I finally have some spare time and I'm not completely exhausted so theoretically I could be productive. I realize that's not actually happening. When am I going to figure out this tax registration to get a business license which then allows the certificate of occupancy? DC is so full of regulations to protect people nobody does things in ways they can detect because the paperwork is so arduous. I don't want to plow through that, buy ceiling fans, pick out appliances, I don't even want to move...what I want to do is turn off, flip fb, watch tv, play a stupid game, read news or trash...drink - go out and be ... god I have so many friends I'm overdue to hang out with.
I mean this is just a mild free-floating angst...and I'm mocking it. I'm mildly uncomfortable with my life is shockingly good shape. Or it looks good on paper, to me, and I'm happy with it. It's just part of me feels like a kid in a car seat.
