Minor confession(s)

I'm so dull right now. So very dull. Please skim over this, past this, if you have any desire for substance of any kind.

Yesterday to avoid doing the same things I always do I forced myself to...watch tv. No seriously, as if it was a social activity, watching tv. It sounds absurd, but to my thinking watching something new or different is at least likely to lead to some conversation fodder compared to whether I re-re-re-watch a Dr. Who or star trek episode...which is far more social than replaying episodes of starcraft.

Isn't most social interaction based on the exchange, or creation, of stories? Going to see movies - new stories. Doing things - making stories. Old friends? Old stories and new stories (lots less contextualization and exposition). It's a social mammal thing.

I also wasn't home this weekend, except for a brief period with the girlfriend in which chores just didn't seem possible. I wanted to do a long series of chores once my mother left, but newgirlfriendland is not terribly productive in terms of household chores. So plowing through aliens2 and the most godawful movie I've seen in ages (This is the end, turns out not to be something about the Doors but Seth Green meets armageddon porn) I both did my annoying rehab exercise routine and laundry in vast quantities, leaving my home strewn in not-quite-dry articles like the sheet-covered abandoned home in a horror movie.

Not sure why I feel the urge to share that. What I meant to share was a bit of shameful...

I'm ashamed to go out in public with my brace on. I'm embarrassed to notice that people look at it, then me, steal looks when I'm presumably not looking, and politely look away. I'm not really making any kind of social commitments. The only thing I've done in the past couple weeks has go out with my mother, girlfriend, or both - Rikk's party was a very social exception in the sense it involved a large group of other people, but people who have generally known me for decades so it wasn't exactly brave. Well there was also the gym, but while more brave than that, it was also not optional activity. The spreadsheet made me do it.

What a fucking coward I am. I'm not going to lose sleep over the idea, but perhaps some more self-exploration is in order.

Or I'm confined and restricted because I'm actually not supposed to walk much - I wasn't really supposed to go up and down the stairs to do laundry either. The responsible thing to do is hang around the house and _just_ do my rehab, patiently waiting until I'm healed after a few short weeks, and then returning to real life.

I mean would it kill me to read? Or is it silly to feel shame that I watched bar rescue because I can't do rehab exercises on the floor or clean the toilet while reading guns, germs, and steel?

Not much to report

If anyone (including me) ever uses this tag to know what happened:
As of this date, still hitting rehab 2 times a week and every day on my own at home (I do my fucking homework). Home only takes...30 minutes? 45?

I can hit the gym for non-resistance bike riding (but haven't, only do this crap in rehab) and I cheated into a bench workout. I'm actually worried the lifting weights to rack the bar might be a bad idea, but am too ashamed to ask for help - I try to lean on something, balance on the good leg only, and use all upper body to swing weights onto the bar. I'm not there to set records.

I feel mostly fine walking, am told to avoid any pinching sensations, and I do get some - I do not have full flexibility in the joint (hence a lot of the rehab exercises which are really just yoga stretches).

Summary of my state: I forget I'm rehabbing at all while I am sitting for hours working from home or watching tv, but when I get up I am reminded with a short burst of stiffness that goes away as I walk across the apt (without a brace on). I wear the brace to go outside and it feels more like it hinders than helps - I'm not even sure what fall it's supposed to prevent, but I follow orders.

The main pain I have and get is in my quad - not where the surgery was (which is way up on the hip). Where I was numb (most of the upper thigh/quad) now literally hurts on its own or to the touch - very much like a limb that was asleep too long and is waking up. It's not bad and overall I like it as it seems to indicate a full sensory recovery is in the works. The biggest pain I feel is when I move too quickly, getting up and walking without remembering I'm hurt, or stretching, only to have that one string-like sensation in my quad pull taught as if someone stabs me with the reminder that I'm fucked up.

Again, again-again-again, this is far better than anyone seemed to predict, any blog site will tell you about labral tear surgery, and than I expected. This more report than complaint, and while I'm annoyed, I'm still within the window where I might be in pain, on meds, and using crutches while my mom makes me soup.

Oh - my scars are really tiny, pics pending mood, time, and energy.