More coffee than substance

After a little foray into my hyperliberal mindset, and an online argument with a raging conservative twit, I'm walking away with the conclusion I need more bambam redneck friends.

I hate^3 the pain-identifying scene - all of them, from career queers to slam poets. It's that special hate - the one where you've outgrown the same stupidity and wonder how adults can wallow in it. We all want gay-equal-rights, but to lament the legal issues here as if the situation was not worse 20 and 50 years ago, and to ignore how fucking good we have it compared to tribal warfare and public stoning in other countries is absurd. Fight for better, make it right, but keep some perspective.

I am glad as soft as I am that I somehow trudged out of the wound-licking bog. I don't know why I did and others don't, but I hope to help others improve their situation as well. Yeah, that's judgy - fucking right. People judge, and yes to say everything is wonderful except criticism is also judging. To try and affirm your existence instead of improving yourself and situation is a natural tendency but one that stifles growth.

All dysfunctions are the product of a successful defense mechanism that has gone too far. DSM essentially doesn't define problems except to the extent that normal healthy coping mechanisms are defined as issues when the prevent happy functioning over time. It's a tough balance as we all have defense mechanisms, but not being in the DSM essentially requires a Data (TNG) response: "I am operating within normal parameters." It's an observation that there is a range of function that functions, but that there is no perfect.

I feel silly because arguing with a nitwit (briefly) I thought about the argument offline. I mean it was like yelling at a 5-year old, but I kept responding in my head. I could not define a better "it's not worth it" situation and I didn't respond, but why the urge to yell at the angry fellow? Why the urge to note my physical abilities? Lizard brain misplaced what?

I remember hating groups that seemed to define friendship with how much abuse they could heap on one another, but I think that's essentially where I've wound up. I refer to tosh.0 a lot, the banging on the nerves to be immune to the constant call of outrage. Fuck outrage. I find this in the gym - we've had a bunch of racist conversations lately, but we're strangely in a protected world where we are all doing the same thing, having the same interest, overcoming our own problems, and pretty open that what we're doing is stupid and painful but terribly fun. The racism? Pretty much self directed or directed to our friends - it's not white kids using the n-word, but each person is mocked for every possible reason including race, and nobody is offended. We know and respect each other enough to show disrespect for the broad issues we don't carry. At the same time, we also help and support one another - competing but helping each other compete.

My better friends are like this - frankly most of my friends live well in mainstream society but are minorities in one way or another. It's just - they don't pretend there aren't problems, but they also don't dwell on them. Yes there is racism, misogyny, other isms; yes there are cliques and conflicts of interest - but the issue is visited only to get to "how do I succeed and get past those idiots," rather than the tendency to identify the self as a victim. My identity will not be "those people suck."

And shit I got my own problems, mostly self-inflicted. I'm doing ok in all areas of my life, but I'm not really in a position to judge others enough to act on the judgment. The problems I find most offensive are the ones I once had to overcome myself.

I got the same advice many times before I took it; I'll give advice and whether it's taken or not depends more on the receiver than the message.