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Apr. 21st, 2014 07:38 amWithout any deep wistfulness, my house ventures make me sad sometimes that I can't share this with my dad. My grammar and sentence structure in the preceding would make him sad.
When I was really getting my career and financial footing, I bragged to him a lot - it was exciting to me, and he liked it or was proud. I'm glad he got to see that really taking hold. He tried to enable success at all points in my life, my sister's too. I don't agree with all he did, on reflection in his later years neither did he, but it was pretty much with good intentions.
Some of the skills I've put to use he taught me; more important the stubborn refusal to admit ignorance or remain ignorant. "If anyone can do it, then I can do it." It is always worth doing right.
It's a house, it's a symbol, it's a project, it's an investment in the future. It's both learning and using lessons learned. I'm sad I can't share that with him.
However, I'm glad for what we got. We knew at a few junctures he might die, and said goodbye-just-in-case at some of those. The ending was fuckshittastic, unpredicted, and long, but we covered our issues before then and as I say, he saw things going well with all indications it would continue as such. We had closure long before the end.
My mom cares but isn't quite as wrapped up in the details. She's also got her own problems.
I don't think anyone will need closure with me. My finances are in order, but unless things change, and I'm a super-long-term relationship by my perspective, I'll just die. We all do, and in 50-100 years all of the details of who we are die as well, even if we do leave a legacy.
When I was really getting my career and financial footing, I bragged to him a lot - it was exciting to me, and he liked it or was proud. I'm glad he got to see that really taking hold. He tried to enable success at all points in my life, my sister's too. I don't agree with all he did, on reflection in his later years neither did he, but it was pretty much with good intentions.
Some of the skills I've put to use he taught me; more important the stubborn refusal to admit ignorance or remain ignorant. "If anyone can do it, then I can do it." It is always worth doing right.
It's a house, it's a symbol, it's a project, it's an investment in the future. It's both learning and using lessons learned. I'm sad I can't share that with him.
However, I'm glad for what we got. We knew at a few junctures he might die, and said goodbye-just-in-case at some of those. The ending was fuckshittastic, unpredicted, and long, but we covered our issues before then and as I say, he saw things going well with all indications it would continue as such. We had closure long before the end.
My mom cares but isn't quite as wrapped up in the details. She's also got her own problems.
I don't think anyone will need closure with me. My finances are in order, but unless things change, and I'm a super-long-term relationship by my perspective, I'll just die. We all do, and in 50-100 years all of the details of who we are die as well, even if we do leave a legacy.
