Still silly after all these years

Last night I was confident enough to admit I didn't want to go out, and I didn't. However, staying home on Halloween I felt like a complete loser; as if I had a chorus of mean teenage girls to snicker at me.

I watch a lot of porn lately, specifically HGTV. It makes me hungry and terrified - I want all the neato house things I see, and am terrified of how much I don't understand plus all the madness that may be wrong that can't be seen until after the explosion and flood.

I also think I'm caught in a trap I've mocked others for:
I want to create an inviting space, my home. A material good.
What I'm not doing is going out and socializing, doing activities that are social, or anything that would yield the actual goal. I've seen many empty decks with huge grills beside glass doors and open kitchen designs. It is no different than an efficiency when you come home from work after dark, throw your clothes on the floor, and scan fb from the isomething in bed.

I have a very efficient lifestyle right now but am shopping for a bigger house in a less convenient place.