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Sure, it's 7pm and I'm back from the gym and home despot...and I open the nifty new toilet and it looks so easy I contemplate to just do the chore tonight. I start around 7. I was going to do it tomorrow, but after opening the thing and reading the directions, it just looked so ez...
I get the old thing off with little trouble, destroy a sponge to get a dry liftoff. I destroy a scraper removing the old wax ring, and am reminded the (flange?) is old and rusted - if it breaks there is a world of work to do.
I notice the new bowl has a couple black scratches on the side. I try to rub them off with a paper towel, but they appear to be defects in workmanship. I contemplate taking the thing back, but as it was shipped to me and there are none in stock - my options are to re-install my old thing or find a way to make do with this. I remind myself there is something called porcelain paint and continue.
I get the new bowl, set the new wax ring, and set the thing down. I have some trouble with the bolts - they seem to move out to the side when I tighten them. I keep plugging away, removing the bowl and frankly reforming the new was ring several times in the process to try and reseat it. After...oh, an hour? I realize the floor is not level - it's not remotely level. In fact it's really more like a crater - how disgustingly appropriate. No really, if my tired eyes are any judge, the floor around the hole sort of perks up. I fuss for maybe another half an hour until a creative (hick-rig) solution appears to stabilize the situation and the bolts appear to be super tight (but not too tight, as this could crack the porcelin). Unfortunately, the caps for the bolts do not fit over the long screws - we compromise, they just sit on top. Perhaps I'll fix that someday.
With the bloody bowl finally in place, I attach the tank - this goes smoothly-ish. The tank doesn't sit completely rock-to-rock; it is to be tightened but appears to be designed to have rubber permanently between it and the bowl - it can be wiggled slightly but not easily. It says not to over tighten, it doesn't leak, I leave it be.
I experiment flushing the toilet first by pouring some, then a lot of water in the bowl. Works fine. I repeat with the tank - also seems to work fine. I flush it using the tank, and it works fine (and is as advertised).
Why am I flushing the toilet with a bucket? Well I'm glad you asked - you see the old tank was lower to the ground than the new one. The hose from the faucet-valve to the tank was just long enough to reach the old tank - but will not reach the new one.
I then decided to put on the new plastic seat with slow-close action - seemed like a good idea. I start to put the thing on and the instructions ask you to "tighten the bolts until the ends break off." No really, that sounds like what you would DO, but this was actually the instruction. I noticed the cheap poc wiggled even when tight, so undid it and returned to the original - the plastic wiggle-chair goes back to the store when I get a hose.
So tomorrow I will, hopefully, go to the despot and get a suitable hose of suitable length. This is presuming, assuming, and just plain old hoping I am not woken up in the middle of the night by a flood or an upset flooded neighbor.
TODAY I AM A MAN
as I did something disgusting, ill-planned, and ultimately half-assed it.
I get the old thing off with little trouble, destroy a sponge to get a dry liftoff. I destroy a scraper removing the old wax ring, and am reminded the (flange?) is old and rusted - if it breaks there is a world of work to do.
I notice the new bowl has a couple black scratches on the side. I try to rub them off with a paper towel, but they appear to be defects in workmanship. I contemplate taking the thing back, but as it was shipped to me and there are none in stock - my options are to re-install my old thing or find a way to make do with this. I remind myself there is something called porcelain paint and continue.
I get the new bowl, set the new wax ring, and set the thing down. I have some trouble with the bolts - they seem to move out to the side when I tighten them. I keep plugging away, removing the bowl and frankly reforming the new was ring several times in the process to try and reseat it. After...oh, an hour? I realize the floor is not level - it's not remotely level. In fact it's really more like a crater - how disgustingly appropriate. No really, if my tired eyes are any judge, the floor around the hole sort of perks up. I fuss for maybe another half an hour until a creative (hick-rig) solution appears to stabilize the situation and the bolts appear to be super tight (but not too tight, as this could crack the porcelin). Unfortunately, the caps for the bolts do not fit over the long screws - we compromise, they just sit on top. Perhaps I'll fix that someday.
With the bloody bowl finally in place, I attach the tank - this goes smoothly-ish. The tank doesn't sit completely rock-to-rock; it is to be tightened but appears to be designed to have rubber permanently between it and the bowl - it can be wiggled slightly but not easily. It says not to over tighten, it doesn't leak, I leave it be.
I experiment flushing the toilet first by pouring some, then a lot of water in the bowl. Works fine. I repeat with the tank - also seems to work fine. I flush it using the tank, and it works fine (and is as advertised).
Why am I flushing the toilet with a bucket? Well I'm glad you asked - you see the old tank was lower to the ground than the new one. The hose from the faucet-valve to the tank was just long enough to reach the old tank - but will not reach the new one.
I then decided to put on the new plastic seat with slow-close action - seemed like a good idea. I start to put the thing on and the instructions ask you to "tighten the bolts until the ends break off." No really, that sounds like what you would DO, but this was actually the instruction. I noticed the cheap poc wiggled even when tight, so undid it and returned to the original - the plastic wiggle-chair goes back to the store when I get a hose.
So tomorrow I will, hopefully, go to the despot and get a suitable hose of suitable length. This is presuming, assuming, and just plain old hoping I am not woken up in the middle of the night by a flood or an upset flooded neighbor.
TODAY I AM A MAN
as I did something disgusting, ill-planned, and ultimately half-assed it.
